Making a bar mitzvah but my guest list is growing

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amother

Sat, Jul 09 2022, 8:13 pm

For my other boys I had the bar mitzvah seuda in the house with only family and a few friends my sons rebbe and principal and 6 boys from his class.
Now for this son I can’t make it in my house so need to rent a hall.
I started out small but my guest list just grew and now I am up to about 100 people.
I feel that if I invite one friend I need to invite all.
I just can’t afford it.
Any advice about what to do?

amother

Broom

Sat, Jul 09 2022, 8:14 pm

Can you invite friends just for desert? That’s pretty standard in my community. You don’t set seats for them, just have a dessert buffet

mra01385

Sat, Jul 09 2022, 8:59 pm

What I’m doing is inviting mostly non local family and friends along with my ds classmates to a small catering event in a restaurant party room and the rest will come for the shabbos kiddish in shul.

amother

Holly

Sat, Jul 09 2022, 10:03 pm

I'm going to make a kiddush for th community.
The bo bayom is only boys in class, rebbeim, and family.
Bc like you said, once you start with a few friends, you have to invite more

Can you do that?

DrMom

Sat, Jul 09 2022, 10:08 pm

Can you stick with your original guest list and rent a smaller hall or an event room in a shul or community center?

amother

Sun, Jul 10 2022, 9:17 am

Was thinking about just inviting for dessert with some hot food. The problem is I was just speaking to a few friends and they said they went to a bar mitzvah where clearly they were only invited for dessert because it looked like there were several people there for a while sitting with their plates and eating. So I'm not sure if I want to do that. But the problem is my small guest list is just growing and growing I just don't know where the cutoff point is.

The truth is the next day is erev Yom tov so I'm not sure how many people will come anyway and might want to just go to a simcha where they could just pop in and say mazel tov instead of sitting for a few hours. So a dessert thing might actually be a good idea.

SYA

Sun, Jul 10 2022, 9:36 am

My friend made the meal for immediate family, the teacher and class. Extended family and friends were all invited for dessert. She told all that the meal was just for immediate family so no one should feel insulted. Everyone understood that it wasn’t personal.

I’ve since been to a few bar mitzvahs like that. All cousins and friends come for dessert and to dance a little.

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