Trying to read between the lines from this statement

amother

Thu, Jul 14 2022, 1:00 am

What would you think of this description of your child from school to agency which is providing services.
" Chaim is diagnosed with ADHD. He struggles with his high temper he is impulsive and often fights with his classmates in a physical way. He also stuggles with mood swings and is a social outcast."

My son has friends but the principal doesn't like my son and insults and embarrassed him in front of the class.
My son and a few friends went out at recess when they weren't allowed. The were all sent to the principal office and the principal said to everyone that they shouldn't follow my son because he is a bad influence.
On another occasion the principal said in front of the whole class that my son doesn't care about religion because he was reading while the principal was talking about a Yom tov.

I need to sign this form with the statement but I am very hesitant.
I know my son is hard to deal with that's why we are applying to get services for therapy but this makes him sound like a monster.

amother

Butterscotch

Thu, Jul 14 2022, 1:21 am

As a teacher who has filled out many surveys and questionnaires for a child getting evaluated, they are always kept private, and never shown to parents/given to parents to sign.
So I'd question how professional the school is, tbh., because they shouldn't be sending you a copy.
Also, are you doing this privately? Because usually it's done through the local public school system, and then there is no agency involved. I know parents who paid outside psychologists to do evaluations but, again, everything is done in a confidential way.

amother

Foxglove

Thu, Jul 14 2022, 1:27 am

All the statements should be objective, but some of these seem subjective-which in my opinion is inappropriate.

Is he happy where he is? Do you have another school you can move him to?

I do not know your son, I have no idea how he behaves or if they need to be dramatic to get services he really would benefit from, but something sounds off to me.

amother

Pink

Thu, Jul 14 2022, 1:41 am

amother [ Butterscotch ] wrote:

Maybe this is different in different places but no way is this true. In the system where I work, parents have to give their ok to any statement sent in by the school and I think that's their right and privilege.

Nothing about my child should be kept from me.

OP calling a child a social outcast is labeling and never ok. They can say he is struggling to adapt to social situations etc but no labeling. Although it is true that often they emphasize the worst in order to get services, it should be done objectively, with examples to show why they are saying it.

I think that you should call the school back and ask them to adjust that particular statement.

amother

Butterscotch

Thu, Jul 14 2022, 3:16 am

amother [ Pink ] wrote:

Certainly it is true where I live. Even when parents seek an ADHD diagnosis, which goes through their pediatrician, the doctor sends in checklists to the school, which gets mailed directly to the doctor once filled out. I've gotten many an online questionnaire from psychologists who assure me that everything I put down will be confidential. I think it is hardly going to give an objective overview of the child if parents can dictate what a school gives as a statement. Why bother with the schools input at all, then? Just have the parents submit a statement and leave the school out of it.

In my personal experience, the evaluator looks at the school's report and the parent's separately, meshes it together (keeping in mind that the way a child presents at school and at home may be different), and uses that info plus whatever results they get from their own testing. I think gives the most valid results, personally. But like I said, this is generally done through the district's public school employees and not through an agency. (I also would never write that a child is a "social outcast." I might say something along the lines of "appears to struggle socially" or "has difficulty with his peers" etc.)

ora_43

Thu, Jul 14 2022, 4:02 am

I'm not sure I get the issue. The principal sounds like he doesn't handle your son's behavior well, but what is it that makes you think what the school says is false? For example, do you think the part about him physically fighting other students is complete fiction? Or you think it does happen, but not as often as the school is implying?

Assuming you think it's false:
I think I'd hold off on signing and try to talk to a couple of teachers first. Just to see if the form reflects their experience. But it's important to have zero judgment going in. If they say "yes, that's completely true, and he's also chutzpadik," don't argue, just thank them for their time.

General points to remember:
- The form is meant to get him services, not to be the final say on what he's like as a person. It's supposed to be about his worst behaviors.

- That said, it's important that the form reflect the things he actually needs help with. Eg if his main issue is that he's behind in learning and he got in a single physical fight last year, you don't want the agency thinking he mostly needs help controlling his temper.

- Remember that behavior at home and behavior at school can be wildly different. Especially in terms of how he is socially.

- If you can't trust the school to at least try to tell the truth about him, he needs a new school.

ora_43

Thu, Jul 14 2022, 4:31 am

Basically either the school is wrong or you are. If the school is wrong, either they're incompetent/malicious, or it's an innocent mistake.

If it turns out his teachers really are worried about fighting/social issues, sign the form, the end.

If the school is wrong but it's more the principal putting things in a bad light than them being malicious/untruthful, ask politely to adjust the form, eg, "I worry that this makes it seem as if he primarily needs help with social skills, when what I'm hearing from (teacher) and (teacher) is that he mostly needs help with (....). Can we change this to reflect that?"

If they refuse to adjust the form and/or are flat out lying, I'd sign the form and start looking for another school. (Sign the form, because that gets him help, and the worse the school is the better it is to have outside help from an agency.)

All the above is just IMHO.

amother

Dustypink

Thu, Jul 14 2022, 10:12 am

Your post is 2 parts.

First is about the evaluation and they way it's worded. Nothing about it seems off, except for the part about social outcast. There's no way an evaluators has the right to label anyone. That's the only off-putting part. The rest is stuff they need to write in order for him to be eligible for services.

As for the principal calling him out and picking on him, thats an issue I personally would go down to school to deal with. Have a meeting with the principal and put all your cards on the table. Let him know this is unacceptable (all in a respectful manner, of course).

Ps - I'm a mom of a very challenging 10 yr old with some of the issues your son is dealing with. With the right services in place, iyh your son will do great.

ladYdI

Thu, Jul 14 2022, 12:55 pm

ora_43 wrote:

Remember the school is trying to help him to get approved for additional so it’s to your benefit that they write his behaviors on his worst day and not his best.