Will our kids make friends?

amother

Tue, Jul 26 2022, 12:21 pm

We moved to a neighborhood that has many frum families, although the specific block and neighboring ones do not have so many yet, most of them have very young kids. The other blocks in the neighborhood have more frum families with a wide age-range of kids.
I have a few kids under the age of 8 ka"h, and particularly my older ones hardly have anyone close by to play with. In this heat it is really difficult to walk them 10 minutes each way each time on Shabbos, and even then it's not really kids their age, not really people we know, as I am also trying to get to know the other mothers here and although they are very friendly, it is hard. Especially because we are not in the thick of it.
We definitely are happy to have our privacy, we moved from a very crowded area where everyone was on top of each other. And when we moved to our house, people reassured us it's just a matter of time before other frum families move in. And perhaps it is, but with the way the market is now hardly anyone in the area is selling, and not many people are in a position to buy right now.
And although we had needed to move for a while and Baruch Hashem we are very grateful that we were able to buy this house which has what we need, is in a good neighborhood, with a Rav, minyanim, and friendly people, I wonder if I did a disservice to my kids by not realizing the importance of having kids their age close by enough that they can play with often.
We hardly had any options, so I don't think we had much choice, but I still feel guilty and would like to know from other mothers if you had a similar experience when you first moved to a block like mine, and things ended up working out ok. Or if it got easier as your kids got older and were able to walk themselves to friends... Or, if they were not as confident or it was much harder for them because they did not have kids their age right nearby to play and with and to develop friendships with as easily.

Thanks.

rachelli66

Tue, Jul 26 2022, 12:48 pm

I think that your family will grow from this situation. Right now it might be slightly difficult, but young families will move in, and you'll have neighbors with kids that will be your children's friends. We lived in a large home and in the neighborhood we had friends, nor living on the block. Now you might need to walk your children over to their friends homes, but your kids will make friends in school, shul, the park, and the kids will also come to your home. Invite them for an afternoon. I'm sure the Mom's will be happy with their kids new friends.

amother

Green

Tue, Jul 26 2022, 2:44 pm

I just moved to a new place, to the side where there are less frum families. I was worried about my 11 year old, as the little ones have plenty of others to play with. But she's doing great. A lot of kids her age are in sleepaway so she's playing with siblings a year or two younger and with the few people her age within walking distance. I pushed her to just go out, make the walk, and knock on people's doors every time we learned of someone near her age that lives there. Yes it's hot but making friends takes effort. Within a few days, these same girls were showing up at our door knocking and looking to play.

I'm not so concerned with any age differences as long as they're playing appropriately. Also I ask her to accompany her younger siblings sometimes to other people's houses, where she's ended up meeting the little kids' friend's older siblings. She has a happening social life. It does take effort though.

Also op once school starts, your kid will meet more people and make school friends.

amother

Valerian

Tue, Jul 26 2022, 2:52 pm

I'm not going to give you the answer you want to hear. We moved to our block 10 years ago and everyone told us as the community grows more people will move in. The community grew and grew and grew, but nobody moved near us. It mostly grew in the other direction and where the much larger houses are.
The heat makes everything harder. Noone comes to visit us, if we want playdates we need to initiate and make the effort to go where the action is.
I love my house and can't imagine living anywhere else, but in hindsight it was not/and still is not good for my kids.
Now that the community is so popular we're basically priced out of moving anywhere else within in the neighborhood Sad

amother

Tue, Jul 26 2022, 9:05 pm

amother [ Valerian ] wrote:

This is what I'm worried about. Problem is that I could probably sell my home easily, but like you said, nowhere to move to even in nearby areas, and whatever is on the market is not affordable for me at this time either.

Chayalle

Tue, Jul 26 2022, 9:23 pm

Give it time.
I moved to my neighborhood almost 5 years ago. We are the youngest family on my specific block, but on both ends it connects to other blocks with families in our age range. It took time, but B"H my youngest DD made so many friends, she's out on the block every night that she's home.
I know another family that moved into the neighborhood some time after us, and they had one child that hated the move at first. She's now busy with DD and everyone else every night, with whatever is going on (sports, games, or just hanging out.) I would say it took her a few months. B"H her mother is breathing easier now.

One thing that helped my DD get to know the other girls her age in the neighborhood was a summer job in a local daycamp. All the girls in the neighborhood get jobs in this (backyard multi-group) camp, and they really have fun with each other and it goes beyond the work experience - they get together Shabbos, evenings, etc....if there's some such job possibility, I strongly encourage it OP. It's a great way for them to all get to know each other and then take it to the next level.

amother

Tue, Jul 26 2022, 9:40 pm

Chayalle wrote:

Thank you for your reply. That's what I am hoping - that over time this will improve.
My older kids are still too young for jobs, but they always talk about making clubs for Sundays in the winter (which they are too young for too, and for which I am not ready yet either Smile

I do not have a finished basement (yet)) but I will definitely keep such things in mind. I'm not really on the inside of all these things that go on in the neighborhood, I don't have a smartphone so no whatsapp chat, I didn't really know anyone here before we moved, and we're a little out of it right where we live... but I am trying. The area we moved from has so many girls my kids are friendly with, lots of people I got to know over the years too who we used to hang out with on any given day by just being outside. My kids are in that area now for day camp and it's great for them, and if we still lived there they'd be going to friends houses after day camp/Sunday/Shabbos... but we did have to move so it was not an option for us to stay there.

I will keep putting in an effort to get to know more people and arrange play dates with my kids even if its a bit of a walk, and hopefully it will become easier with time.