Houses in Toms River are getting to be as expensive as Lawre

amother

Hawthorn

Mon, Aug 01 2022, 12:13 pm

amother [ Lightcoral ] wrote:

Back to you literally saying it about Toms River. It also has many areas and many types. Personally I don’t know the type of person you are describing and I know many of the neighborhoods well. It’s just weird that you are telling me not to generalize when you are doing exactly that based on a few people you know who aren’t even typical for the area.

My kids told me after the move that they don’t miss the pressure and the need to keep up with friends. And I never discussed this topic in front of them. Five towns has pressure, way more than other communities. The kids definitely feel it.

You seem to have an axe to grind against the entire five towns.. a few of us are chiming in to say this isn’t our experience living here.. but ok I’m not gonna take away yours or your kids experiences. Just funny to say there’s no pressure in Toms River. If we are going by “everyone knows” we can def say that “everyone knows” that Toms River/Lakewood has plenty of pressure and conformity issues.

amother

Tangerine

Mon, Aug 01 2022, 2:30 pm

Quote:

[quote="amother [ Purple ] wrote:
Agree. find it very distasteful. The level of gashmius is nauseating, beyond anywhere else ’ve seen.

amother [ Hawthorn ] wrote:

That’s ur opinion. And I know pple who will say it’s worse in Lakewood. To each their own experiences

It very much depends on who your friends are and where exactly you live. If you want to have specific friends & be seen to be in specific class, you will need to keep up with the Joneses.
I have friends who feel the pressure to keep up with the Jones. But there are plenty of people who dont live with that much pressure.

The high end food, clothing & materialism in Jewish communities is unfortunately everywhere nowadays, in all established communities (at least in Tri-state that I am aware of). The level of gashmius is nauseating, but you can choose to react to it how you want to.

Generally it is the younger generation who made their own money, are those who flaunt it, and its every one else who see it & tries to keep up, but those with "old money", generally dont flaunt it. IYKYK.

amother

Snapdragon

Mon, Aug 01 2022, 2:44 pm

amother [ Firethorn ] wrote:

I always found that the Lawrence people with the true money, old money, extreme wealth, didn’t feel the need to buy the brands in where the brands are visible from the outside, didn’t have the intense need to show off clothing and possessions- I think it’s the newer money that’s from this generation (or the people with no money yet feel the need to keep up) - those are the people who tend to feel the need to show off and be overtly materialistic and into clothing etc.

OT, but please explain what true money is?

amother

Floralwhite

Mon, Aug 01 2022, 2:48 pm

amother [ Sand ] wrote:

This. My friends who are so so rich could not care less what I wear, what my house looks like, where I'm going for shabbos or pesach or winter break. Yet my good friend in Tom's River who grew up with little money and now has is texting me weekly " look at this new designer bag I got! " , "btw did I tell you I'm going to Israel again?", "I'm redoing my kitchen and convinced DH to go with these super expensive countertops " and her friends I met are similar. It's very gauche. The money here in 5 towns is real, true old money.
And btw. It really annoys me when people say things like "it's known the 5 towns has pressure to keep up" etc. Do you live here? Yes, that does seem to be the reputation. But 90% of people who say that live no where near here.
The amount of chessed done here on a regular basis is unmatched. I'd live here over anywhere else for that alone.

I have relatives who are mega wealthy who don’t care about gashmius as well as relatives who are mega wealthy (second generation) who do care. I don’t think it’s one or the other- I think it’s a personality. What’s important to you? What are you values? Things, or experiences/creativity/hobbies/ increasing your knowledge etc?

amother

Floralwhite

Mon, Aug 01 2022, 2:51 pm

amother [ NeonBlue ] wrote:

For me it is sad that so many of our young ladies are so into gashmius.

What was all the Chumash and rashi and rambam and radak all about if we produce such women?

Can anyone explain where we as a community are going wrong?

pLEASE NO BASHING COMMUNITIES, HATING OR SHOWING SUPERIORITY.

this is just a painful question we can ask ourselves.

It’s the men too, don’t worry. I think it’s the nisayon of our generation.

amother

Brown

Mon, Aug 01 2022, 5:56 pm

Imho, these days wherever there are major Jewish communities whether it’s Brooklyn, Monsey, 5 towns, Passaic/Clifton, or Lakewood-there is materialism. You just cannot escape it has spread. Monsey, Lakewood, Clifton-when I was growing up in the 90s these were very out of towny places to escape the keeping up now as far as I hear they are rampant with gashmiyus. Look at it as a Bracha as our communities are bursting at the seams as is our parnassah.
As for myself I am born and bred Brooklyn raised but spend a lot of time in 5 towns. I’m perfectly content in both places as long as I stick with my “ kind” who is on the same wavelength as me.

amother

Lightgray

Tue, Aug 02 2022, 1:45 am

amother [ Sand ] wrote:

This.
No one cares about “pressure”
It’s just that Lawrence is real money. TR is just a lot of wannabes who try too hard too show off their newfound “wealth”. Honestly- it’s not even real wealth usually.
I don’t live in Lawrence but in a similar community. No one tries too hard to show off their “brand names”. No one shows off at all.
The wealth just is. It’s not something discussed

amother

Holly

Tue, Aug 02 2022, 7:57 am

amother [ Lightgray ] wrote:

What an untrue statement. I live in TR. I grew up with wealth, I have wealth, it’s “real” wealth, whatever the h that means. I don’t do fancy. I live nicely but I don’t keep up with the jones, I don’t own a fancy car, I don’t update my house all the time. I know many of my neighbors who either have grown up with wealth, or made their own money. Most of them don’t either flaunt it unnecessarily. Sorry! But this thread has so much BS in it that it makes me sick. It maddens me so much that people think of TR as a more modern crowd or a showy crowd. It’s an extension of Lakewood, with many different neighborhoods in it. Maybe one or 2 of the neighborhoods in TR are what you describe. But for the most part, totally not!

amother

NeonBlue

Tue, Aug 02 2022, 8:29 am

amother [ Holly ] wrote:

then some parents wonder why they have confused children; they've heard all their childhood lives negative statements on frum Jews, frum communities, entire kehillos, entire chasidus, entire neighborhoods....

a childs identity is not fully formed to be able to process this without internalizing negativity towards yiddishkeit....

amother

Yellow

Tue, Aug 02 2022, 10:05 am

I live in Far Rockaway and feel very comfortable walking down Central Ave or going to Gourmet Glatt in a snood/tichel, random casual clothing, sometimes wearing pantyhose and sometimes without pantyhose, etc.... Nobody is giving me the "once-over". Everyone is busy doing their own thing.

Yes, there is a lot of materialism in the Five Towns but I don't find it to be a judgemental community. Five Towns has such a mixed bag both hashkafically and financially, so there really is no room for judgemental attitudes. Just my opinion.

I don't know much about Lakewood or Toms River. I can only compare to Brooklyn- I grew up in Brooklyn and did not feel comfortable walking down Ave J or 18th Ave when I was a kid (back in the 90s/00s) without dressing up for the outing, the neighborhood felt judgemental to me back in those days. The Five Towns isn't like that at all. There is undeniably a lot of materialism here, but giving random strangers the "once-over" is not a Five Towns thing. If you know you know! Wear a snood- nobody cares. But yes, you will see a lot of materialism. If the gashmius doesn't bother you, your beat up car and casual attire won't bother anyone else either. People kind of do their own thing here.

amother

Clear

Tue, Aug 02 2022, 11:30 am

amother [ Yellow ] wrote:

I grew up in the 5T and I agree. There is lots of wealth and materialism but at the same time no judgment. There are so many types, so you won’t feel judgment from the random person in the grocery store who doesn’t know you. (As opposed to Lakewood where everyone is more or less yeshivish/Chassidish I think? I don’t really know Lakewood.)
However, while I don’t know what it’s like living in the 5T as an adult (I escaped and moved OOT!), I think the pressure can be felt in certain circles, among the people who do know you, the kids who are in school with your kids, etc. My niece and nephew (live in 5T) have been the target of some pretty nasty comments about not being cool, not having enough money, etc. Mind-boggling to me living OOT where things like that don’t even register with kids.