Rabbi Birnbaum: Kibbud Horim brings the Geulah.

steak4me

Sun, Aug 07 2022, 8:01 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

It is OTHER people who bringing up cutting off parents. I RESPOND to that, but otherwise don't bring up this topic.

There is a PRIVATE forum for abused children to vent.

When people keep bringing this up in the PUBLIC forum I believe they are ENCOURAGING others to cut off their parents. So I speak out.

You aren’t responding here. You opened this thread. No one asked you to.

amother

Stonewash

Sun, Aug 07 2022, 8:02 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

Hello - YOU started this thread!

taketwo

Sun, Aug 07 2022, 8:03 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

I wish I had a really good 'what you think and what really is' meme.

It would be something like

What BestBubby thinks those what cut off their parents thinks: let's find any excuse to not talk to my parents, who has time to be bother with this important mitzva, I'd much rather just be having fun.

What really is going on in the minds of this who have to cut off: I wish I had a mother/father, but everytime I try take peace, I end up hurt. My parent/s bring me so much pain, but I really wish I could be connected. I wish I felt loved by those who brought me into this world. I feel so along while everyone around goes to their parents for yomim tovim or simchas, I wish to have that too. It hurts to be an orphan, even if my parents are alive.

amother

Stonewash

Sun, Aug 07 2022, 8:04 pm

Best Bubby, you wrote on another thread:

#BestBubby wrote:

OP, this friend is really a danger to your Sholom Bayis.

Marriage is challenging enough without a friend stirring up resentment against DH.

I really think you should drop this "friend".

You would not like it if DH had a friend who was causing DH to resent you.

Why wouldn't it be true if you replace "friend" with parent?

Last edited by amother on Sun, Aug 07 2022, 8:04 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Tuberose

Sun, Aug 07 2022, 8:04 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

Abuse means abuse?

So if a parent ever yelled at a child, the child can cut the parents off?

After the parents paid for school, camps, seminary, and the wedding, furniture etc.

Do you know any child that cut off a parent because they yelled once?
I don’t.

In addition, if a parent is truly abusive it doesn’t matter if they provided the physical needs.
It is a chutzpah to rub it in the child’s face.

steak4me

Sun, Aug 07 2022, 8:13 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

Excerpts from Yated

From here we infer that when a son or daughter does perform the Mutzvah of kibbutz av v'eim properly, when they try really hard to honor their parents, and not cause any pain to their parents, they are actively bringing the Geulah closer.

Do you know how I actively bring the geula closer?

By waking up my children with a kiss and a smile even though I’ve was never kissed a day in my life before I got married.

By baking cookies with my children even though I was never allowed in my own kitchen growing up and never had a cookie other than those given out in school

By buying my children toys that may make a mess- the ones I dreamed of owning as a kid

By showing my children how much daddy and mommy love each other

By starting off each day with a family hug

By allowing my children to express their emotions even if it’s not in the most “respectful way” Bec I recognize that behind the “go away” is a little child begging me to come closer

By complimenting each and every school project and hanging it proudly on my fridge despite the fact that as a child every project was criticized and then thrown out right away

By constantly praising my husband to my kids even though all I ever heard growing up was how bad my father was.

This is how I bring the geula closer. Im not saying it to show how great I am, but rather to drive home a point.

Im a cycle breaker, had I not broken off contact with my abusive mother I would never be able to build the home I have now.
I have created a mikdash me’at- the way hashem wants us all to. A safe and loving home.

#BestBubby

Sun, Aug 07 2022, 8:14 pm

amother [ Stonewash ] wrote:

Hello - YOU started this thread!

In RESPONSE to TWO public threads from today about cutting off parents.

WHY do people who cut off parents talk about it on a PUBLIC thread when there is a PRIVATE forum for abused children?

Because they are RECRUITING others to also cut off their parents as well.

amother

Viola

Sun, Aug 07 2022, 8:14 pm

amother [ Tuberose ] wrote:

I actually do. She felt that her mother in law was not giving her the kavod she deserved and demanded that her husband cut off contact. Yes, she was probably emotionally I'll and I know one her children. He is abusive - the apple apparently doesn't fall far from the tree.

amother

Honeydew

Sun, Aug 07 2022, 8:15 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

That’s a sick and twisted view. How dare you accuse others of doing something malicious. This is horrific.

steak4me

Sun, Aug 07 2022, 8:16 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

But again, no one asked you to respond. You took it upon yourself to open this thread. That’s simply antagonistic

amother

Viola

Sun, Aug 07 2022, 8:16 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

So we are only allowed to vent in private?

Maybe there's actually a really good reason - I dont want to besmirch my parents publicly (and want to use the amother feature which I can't use there).

mommyisbest

Sun, Aug 07 2022, 8:16 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

Do you think there is such a conspiracy???

This is even stupider than your covid ones.

#BestBubby

Sun, Aug 07 2022, 8:17 pm

steak4me wrote:

You also taught your children it is ok to cut off parents, ok to refuse to forgive.

Secular studies show that people who cut off their parents are high risk of being cut off by THEIR children.

Patterns repeat through the generations.

amother

Stonewash

Sun, Aug 07 2022, 8:18 pm

amother [ Viola ] wrote:

MIL does not equal Mother.

amother

Blush

Sun, Aug 07 2022, 8:19 pm

I grew up in a home with two loving and supportive parents, BH. Yet I have no reason in my mind to doubt these unfortunate women who write about their abusive upbringings. I want to hug them all.

Is there occasionally a situation where a child cuts off contact due to their own issues, and not due to the parents? Might be. But that does not stop me from believing women who describe real abuse, and the daas torah they received in how to deal with their parents.

Best Bubby, why won’t you believe them?!

#BestBubby

Sun, Aug 07 2022, 8:19 pm

amother [ Honeydew ] wrote:

That’s a sick and twisted view. How dare you accuse others of doing something malicious. This is horrific.

A while ago there was a thread with the title:

I CUT OFF MY PARENTS, AMA (ask me anything)

Yes, people are recruiting others to cut off parents!

amother

Stonewash

Sun, Aug 07 2022, 8:19 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

Unless they stop the cycle of abuse, which she clearly did.

BTW, I love how you keep quoting "secular" studies. A study is a study, doesnt matter who did it. Just another example of your conspiratorial mind.

amother

Viola

Sun, Aug 07 2022, 8:19 pm

amother [ Stonewash ] wrote:

MIL does not equal Mother.

Right, but it was HIS mother. Btw that's probably majority of kids who cut off I would imagine.

Eta: sorry it's at the end of a long fast. I meant to say the majority of kids who cut off WITHOUT A REAL REASON (probably all, but who knows). sorry it came out wrong.