How do you not fast, if your kids are fasting?

amother

Alyssum

Sun, Aug 07 2022, 5:14 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Because to her my reasons are probably not significant.

Not eveything is black and white and can be explained to the ears of a 10 or 11 yr old.

She doesn’t need to agree with you, she just needs to know that you spoke to a rav and this is what he told you to do.

amother

Freesia

Sun, Aug 07 2022, 5:17 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Hypothetically...

My daughter will be fasting in 2 years...

She always asks me why I am not fasting if I dont have a little baby. Baby is 2.5.

I always reply something rav told me not to.

I dont know what I would say to her once she starts fasting. Id feel so bad.

I was always brought up with everyone in my house fasting, so was never an issue for me to fast as a young girl.

How would I put it over to her she SHOULD fast, if Im not?

It never bothered me as a kid that my mother didn’t fast. She got a psak. Not sure why you think that’s hard for a 10 year old to grasp

amother

Alyssum

Sun, Aug 07 2022, 5:20 pm

amother [ Electricblue ] wrote:

Feeling hungry and uncomfortable from fasting is not what it means not to feel well. Being in physical pain or having extreme physical weakness (ie. feeling faint) is what halacha is referring to when there is leniency not to fast.

I don’t think anyone who was told they don’t need to fast was told this because they are “hungry and uncomfortable.” I have physical pain that lasts for days, I am weak for days, I have a headache that can last for days….whoever was told they don’t need to fast spoke with a rabbi, and they should be trusted to have been honest and not embellish.

amother

IndianRed

Sun, Aug 07 2022, 5:23 pm

amother [ Electricblue ] wrote:

This isn't halachically true. Have you looked inside the kitzur shulchan aruch?

amother

NeonYellow

Sun, Aug 07 2022, 5:26 pm

tweety1 wrote:

I tell my kids that mothers who have little kids don't have to fast.

Never heard of this. Can't the mothers get someone to help? Girls who are 10 or 11 who don't have to fast can be very helpful with little kids.

shabbatiscoming

Sun, Aug 07 2022, 5:28 pm

amother [ Electricblue ] wrote:

Those are not the only reasons why someone would be told not to fast. There are definitely more reasons than just being in physical pain or having physical weakness.

amother

NeonYellow

Sun, Aug 07 2022, 5:28 pm

amother [ IndianRed ] wrote:

This isn't halachically true. Have you looked inside the kitzur shulchan aruch?

If everyone who got hungry and uncomfortable when fasting was allowed to break their fast, there wouldn't be too many fasters left.

amother

Electricblue

Sun, Aug 07 2022, 5:54 pm

amother [ Alyssum ] wrote:

I have two kids who are fasting this year. It’s not new to them that I don’t fast, so it’s not an issue. Plus also this year I’m pregnant so for sure I’m not fasting.
They know I get sick when I fast and that’s why I don’t. Tell her your reason for not fasting, it shouldn’t be a secret. (Unless you are in early pregnancy and not telling yet and don’t want to tell her.) My kids all know, even my 6 year old, that mommy doesn’t fast.

Yeah, but it’s tisha B’Av. Everyone is supposed to try.

amother

Sun, Aug 07 2022, 7:41 pm

amother [ NeonYellow ] wrote:

Never heard of this. Can't the mothers get someone to help? Girls who are 10 or 11 who don't have to fast can be very helpful with little kids.

I dont understand this.
I have 7 y o and 10 y o and little one and there is no mothers helper who would be able to come look after them the whole day just so I can fast.

And my kids would never agree aswel.

amother

Electricblue

Sun, Aug 07 2022, 7:47 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

7 year old and 10 year old should be able to understand that mommy is fasting. I usually buy special arts n crafts for tisha B’Av which keeps my kids very busy. Plus I allow lots of computer time. It’s doable unless you’re sick of course.

amother

Alyssum

Sun, Aug 07 2022, 8:29 pm

amother [ Brickred ] wrote:

By who? It’s not true

If someone is posting that this is what she was told, I’m going to assume that it comes from a rav. As we’ve seen in other threads, there ARE plenty of women who DO hold that mothers of young children don’t fast. Telling someone that what they hold isn’t true is not really nice….or accurate.

amother

Fern

Sun, Aug 07 2022, 8:46 pm

amother [ Alyssum ] wrote:

Correct. It was our rav. And my rebbetzin, whom I hold in great esteem.

tweety1

Sun, Aug 07 2022, 9:44 pm

amother [ NeonYellow ] wrote:

source, please

I use it an excuse. Duh!! They don't need to know of I'm pregnant or nursing or whatever else. It's the same idea as whatever excuse you tell your kids when you go to the mikvah.
I regret answering here. Some people like to evaluate every single word said.

salt

Mon, Aug 08 2022, 3:06 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I don't get it. Why are you not fasting? Is the reason not something you can tell her?

The only reason I can think of for not wanting to tell a child is if you are pregnant and don't want them to know yet, or have some medical condition that you don't want them to know of.

Is that the case?

If it's really crucial that you don't want her to know that you are not fasting, eat quickly in your bedroom.
If you don't mind explaining the reason to her, then tell her. She's a big girl, it's not like you're eating chocolate in front of a 3 year old and telling her "I'm allowed and you're not"