10 year old watching

healthymom1

Tue, Aug 09 2022, 12:39 pm

[filth] is not okay!!! But it’s normal to be curious. That’s all I was saying. And even if a child sees [filth]. It still is normal (not okay but normal to be curious) and hopefully they can come to us to ask their questions.

amother

Chicory

Tue, Aug 09 2022, 12:46 pm

it's important that he feels safe asking you questions about anything he did see. I'm a therapist and I work with many kids and families where kids have seen p0rn on youtube and zexual acts and violence and other things that can be very traumatic to a child who is sheltered (and even to one who is less sheltered!). Youtube doesn't do a good job censoring things, full stop. anyone trying to convince you otherwise is spreading misinformation... vhamavin yavin.

Echoing the call for filter installation.

One more thing: Even if you have done all you can in your own home with filters and locks etc it is possible for a child to be exposed to inappropriate and disturbing content through other sources such as a friend or family member's access/systems. Happens all the time.

As a community, it is SO important to start having conversations with kids about why technology can be dangerous, that there are safer ways and there are resources if someone wants to learn about a topic (science, history, cooking, anything!) through videos and books that are produced carefully with their safety in mind, that do not cause severe harm to one's mental health, relational health, and spiritual health.

amother

Pistachio

Tue, Aug 09 2022, 12:52 pm

I would NEVER give a ten year old a phone for any reason and definitely not unsupervised in his room. But anyhow, we are a smartphone and internet family and don't use "hotlines" so I guess different world entirely.

amother

Tue, Aug 09 2022, 1:13 pm

amother [ Pistachio ] wrote:

I obviously didn't give it to him. It's the phone to use when going out shopping and I thought it was a talk and text phone like the one I had before.

mommyisbest

Tue, Aug 09 2022, 1:49 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Thank you for your input.
The only issue I have is that we don't allow kids internet access at alll. I have 2 laptops that internet was removed by tag. I only have my phone which has internet.
This phone he was using was the family cell phone which we recently replaced because of the discontinued 3g service. I didn't realize that a flip phone can have internet!

He's clearly curious. Take him to a library where he can take out books on lie detectors or "how things work". If he knows he can get the info another way it would help.

amother

Tue, Aug 09 2022, 1:52 pm

mommyisbest wrote:

He's clearly curious. Take him to a library where he can take out books on lie detectors or "how things work". If he knows he can get the info another way it would help.

Right. Lately has been complaining terribly that he's bored. He doesn't have neighbors to play with after day camp

amother

Seashell

Tue, Aug 09 2022, 1:54 pm

amother [ Valerian ] wrote:

There is no [filth] on YouTube. He shouldn’t have been on YouTube behind your back but he couldn’t have been watching anything terrible. They bleep out bad words too.

REALLY??!!! 🤔 🤔 🤔 Since when was YouTube fully clean?
If there is no filth on YouTube why cant he have it according to you? You said he can't have YouTube? Why not? Obviously it's not clean. Bleeping out things doesn't mean that there isn't sx education ,r@pe and autonomy.

amother

Dimgray

Tue, Aug 09 2022, 1:55 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

So I'm really horrified!
I have a simple flip phone that I never realized can even do anything.
My 10 year old takes it to bed to listen to hotlines. I just found him under his blanket watching YouTube videos!!!
I took it away and now I'm not sure how to handle this from here.
Any advice??

I have a filter on my flip phone.
TAG or meshimer can do that for you

amother

Dimgray

Tue, Aug 09 2022, 1:57 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I obviously didn't give it to him. It's the phone to use when going out shopping and I thought it was a talk and text phone like the one I had before.

The flip phones of today have internet.
TAG or Meshimer can put on a filter to totally disable the internet

amother

Lime

Tue, Aug 09 2022, 1:57 pm

Lesson learned. There's nothing kosher about a flip phone. And smartphone aren't treif.

Now that I got that out of the way. You can have a calm conversation about Internet safety and why we have filters so he can be better prepared. Also he needs to always tell you what he's doing and no hiding and you need to make sure he feels safe being able to tell you.

Hatzlocha! This is the challenge of our generation!!

amother

Papaya

Tue, Aug 09 2022, 2:41 pm

You are better off with allowing filtered internet use, even if it’s so filtered they have access to only 1-2 sites, than no internet at all. Because no internet causes kids to look and search for internet and when they find it they are naive and not aware of safe internet behavior.

It’s like teaching a child to check for a hechsher before buying a snack vs only allowing him to buy snacks in a kosher store and not teaching to check for a hechsher.
Only allowing a kosher store equals never allowing internet use. Not teaching rules about internet is like not teaching a child to eat only foods with a hechsher.
Your child may someday be in a position where they need this information. You can try to keep them in a kosher environment all their life but chances are they will need to buy a snack in a non kosher store at some point. They need instructions and guidance.

amother

Dimgray

Tue, Aug 09 2022, 2:47 pm

amother [ Papaya ] wrote:

A better idea would be to ask your Rav if you should allow your children to have internet access.

amother

Darkblue

Tue, Aug 09 2022, 4:22 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I hear you. I didn’t used to allow any access either, but now have age ranges like I said up to 20s, (adult children by now with smartphones so that’s not relevant here) and I changed my stance on it after finally realizing they figure it out behind your back anyway during the tween/teen phase. BH so far just girls, as my son isn’t up to this stage yet but I get it now that limited supervised filtered access actually ends up being more kosher than banning it and not knowing which devices actually aren’t doing what you think…

amother

Papaya

Tue, Aug 09 2022, 4:59 pm

amother [ Darkblue ] wrote:

Yes. 100%. Take it from a mother of teens and older. Limited filtered internet results in better kids chinuch than zero internet. I’ve heard horror stories from my friends about their kids with zero access who they had no idea had unfiltered smartphones behind their backs. I’ve heard stories from my teens about their friends who do all kinds of things and their parents don’t know.
The kids with zero internet access get into much more trouble with long term devastating effects (think [filth] addiction) than kids with filtered internet.
I know many communities don’t allow internet at all. I get it that the intention is pure. However realistically the results aren’t as pure as the intentions.

amother

Dahlia

Tue, Aug 09 2022, 5:18 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I'm not sure how long he has been doing this for. He was in the middle of watching about how a lie detector works. He is a very inquisitive child so I'm hoping he only saw such type of things.
I did not realize it was on this flip phone!
I will definitely be going to tag today to block the internet.

I don't think you have anything to worry about.

Except one thing - there may be some unexpected charges for internet use if it isn't part of your phone plan.

amother

Cobalt

Tue, Aug 09 2022, 5:20 pm

amother [ Valerian ] wrote:

There is no [filth] on YouTube. He shouldn’t have been on YouTube behind your back but he couldn’t have been watching anything terrible. They bleep out bad words too.

you bet there is. you tube has really awful stuff

amother

Cobalt

Tue, Aug 09 2022, 5:42 pm

amother [ Pistachio ] wrote:

I didn't know it was a "thing" to not use hotlines lol