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Why did you fail me?!
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amother
Pink


 

Post Tue, Aug 09 2022, 3:45 pm
amother [ NeonPurple ] wrote:
Great read and very thought provoking.

I would take out the piece about the father passing away and how respected he is, I think it distracts from the message.


Yes, because then it becomes an article about Rabbi Gold instead of Bina and her reaction to the F.
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amother
OP


 

Post Tue, Aug 09 2022, 3:53 pm
amother [ Pink ] wrote:
Another thought from a fellow teacher.

A few years ago I had a situation where the school was being ridiculous with me. (I am purposely being vague, but understand when I spoke to someone within the administration, they said that the school was so obviously in the wrong that if I would sue the school in court I would win, or take them to bais din and win. Obviously I wasn't doing either.)

What's the point?

The parent who caused this while tumult with my job is known as an incredible mechanech. And in many ways, he is. Like the Rabbi Gold in your story.
And because his entire life is devoted to his talmidim, he could not understand why I wasn't devoting my entire life to my talmidos. Why I wasn't giving 110%, lifnim mishuras hadin(literally).

Sometimes people who excel in a certain area and demand a lot from themselves demand our of others as well.


Excellent point. You may be 100% right.
I can recall other interactions from other parents who were mechanchim over the years where they had a certain expectation because they were in the field themselves.

Many years ago I had a student who was severely learning challenged. (But otherwise, she was a great girl with a great attitude.) Her father, who was a rebbe in a yeshiva, arranged for the doctor who evaluated his daughter to give a presentation to all of her teachers about the best way she could learn. It was very impressive, I thought, but some teachers felt the father could not expect such specialized treatment for his daughter when they had 24 other kids in the class.

So when I taught her, I remember actually having a long conversation with the father. He explained to me what he does for the boys in his shiur, which was basically that he made up like 6 different versions of the test (in a class of 10 boys), all according to the level of the talmid. If a boy succeeded, he could go up a level. This way each talmid has a test that matches his capabilities. I was blown away. After my conversation with him, I started making up different versions of the tests for my students as well. I don't know if I made up 6, but perhaps 3.

But to be honest, it's very hard to compare the experience of a rebbe to the experience of a typical BY high school teacher.

A rebbe spends a few hours every day with the same 10 boys in the class. Every day of the week. There can develope a much stronger relationship between rebbe and talmid with such a system.

The typical BY high school system has it that the girls each have somewhere between 10 and 15 teachers over the course of the week. Some teachers walk in once or twice a week, teach for 43 minutes and that's it. There's no way to develope a personal relationship with every girl. Even when I was the main chumash teacher, the most I taught them was 4 times a week. Compound that with the fact that most teachers are also teaching many classes, as opposed to a rebbe who has his one class.

A rebbe I once spoke to pointed this out to me, and said that he thinks it's a big flaw in the BY system. There is no opportunity for the teacher to really develope a relationship with the girls, at least not the same way a rebbe could with the boys. On the other hand, if a boy doesn't get along with his rebbe, he is stuck with him for the year and he could be miserable. Whereas if a girl doesn't like one teacher, it's OK because she only has to tolerate her once or twice a week for 43 minutes.

So yes, there were years I made up several versions of each test, but in a class of 25, that's still not totally individualized. And I don't think anyone will say that it is my duty to do that. It is going beyond the call of duty, or %110, as you said.
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amother
Lotus


 

Post Tue, Aug 09 2022, 3:58 pm
Beautifully written, OP.
I haven't read all replies, but this is what struck me: The child's behavior is an obvious red flag. And although, children acting out can be for lots of different reasons, and I hate to jump to conclusions, but the father's sudden reaction when he walked into the room was my "aha" to the child's behavior. My guess is, this wasn't a one time occurrence, and this father may not be the very best role model to his child.
Unfortunately "legendary" today means nothing in my eyes. I've heard one too many stories of very prestigious figures who are far from prestigious when they're away from the public eye.
It's a sad reality and we don't know who'd sincerely there for others vs there for the name and kavod.
Again, I don't like to jump to conclusions. Perhaps this man truly is a great person and his daughter just had different issues, and this outburst is just a complete coincidence. Maybe. But maybe not.
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amother
Ruby


 

Post Tue, Aug 09 2022, 4:00 pm
amother [ Pink ] wrote:
Yes, because then it becomes an article about Rabbi Gold instead of Bina and her reaction to the F.


I agree and I also think it is unreasonable to expect a parent to act their best when they are having trouble with their own child, no matter how respectable and well-known they are.
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amother
Birch


 

Post Tue, Aug 09 2022, 4:01 pm
My husband once had a rebbe who was considered by many to be a Tzadik. A person who my husband could never picture losing his composure. A person who right after he found out that he lost all of his money in an investment that went bad just walked into class and taught as if nothing had happened. etc.

Yet, one day my husband chanced by him when he was talking on the payphone in the school (this was in the pre cell phone days) screaming in total fury at one of his children " did mommy tell you to..." . My husband was so shocked that he walked away quickly before he found what the child didn't listen to his mother about. (sorry to disappoint some of you but every single one of this rebbe's many children turned out wonderfully)

What is there to say other than this person was human? My husband still finds it difficult to reconcile the person he knew as a rebbe with the person screaming with such fury on the phone but his persona as a rebbe remains true. He was not pretending to be someone he wasn't in the classroom. None of his talmidim had ever triggered him so he acted the way he sincerely wished he always was in school
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amother
OP


 

Post Tue, Aug 09 2022, 4:06 pm
amother [ NeonPurple ] wrote:
Great read and very thought provoking.

I would take out the piece about the father passing away and how respected he is, I think it distracts from the message.


I hear you.
I kind of agree. I was just relaying the story as it happened. The feeling of irony I felt when watching this moving tribute to a man whose path I crossed for just a brief moment in time. I wish I had other opportunities to cross paths with him to balance out the one negative experience.

But you may be right. The father being a respected mechanech was just a paradoxical twist to the story. He also could have been a businessman or plumber.
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amother
Crimson


 

Post Tue, Aug 09 2022, 5:21 pm
Two questions OP:

1. How is Bina doing today as an adult?

2. [deleted by Mod]
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amother
Pink


 

Post Tue, Aug 09 2022, 7:46 pm
Crimson,

I reported your post because question #2 is inappropriate.
Please delete it.

OPs are entitled to their privacy.

Please no one quote it
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amother
OP


 

Post Tue, Aug 09 2022, 10:11 pm
amother [ Crimson ] wrote:
Two questions OP:

1. How is Bina doing today as an adult?

2. [deleted by Mod]


As I said in the OP, I assume she is long married and I hope she is happy and settled. In short, I don't know.
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