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Forum -> Pregnancy & Childbirth -> Baby Names

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Alternative

Thu, Jul 28 2022, 7:38 am

losingweight wrote:

It's much easier IMHO to pick a name when the baby is born. I never knew what I was having. One look at the baby's face and you can pin a name to it. And the most time you have is a week so there's no time to argue. That's how I named my kids, besides the obvioius ones that were named after a grandparent. Bshaa tova!

But what if both parents don't agree after the baby is born?
The mom is weak and hormonal and not in the best state to argue.

amother

Pewter

Thu, Jul 28 2022, 9:22 am

Alternative wrote:

But what if both parents don't agree after the baby is born?
The mom is weak and hormonal and not in the best state to argue.

We named our youngest on shabbos morning. She was born on Tuesday, we didn’t agree on a name until about 2:00AM on shabbos, when we were cleaning up after the meal.

Tof Umachol

Mon, Aug 01 2022, 5:32 am

Maybe if you wait until the baby is born, there will be other inspirations for a name -- such as, the Parsha, the Haftarah, something related to the date/time of birth, the Perek of Pirkei Avot read that week, the circumstances of the birth, and so on.
Then it isn't just "names I like" versus "names you like".
We never picked names until after the birth (even when we named after relatives).
I loved meeting my baby, and then reading through the Parsha, Haftarah, etc. to get inspiration.
This will only work, though, if your husband is willing to be flexible about that name he is so set on. It sounds like until he eases up a bit (by accepting it as a middle name, for example), he will just veto everything else.

amother

Cobalt

Mon, Aug 01 2022, 7:54 am

Just because you are a convert does not mean you have no one to name after necessarily. I dont know your situation but I know someone who is a convert and was discussing names and was thinking about naming their kid after their grandparent who had a lot of really nice qualities, they were close to, and was someone to admire. But since they had no Jewish/Hebrew name they were going to find a Hebrew name that sounded similar, had the same first initial, or shared a quality (either the name had the quality like Rina or a person in Tanach who was like that had that name ). Then they had a personal connection to the name.

It might make it easier for your husband to agree to name after your grandparent and not his person. In his mind it might be "I have someone, she doesnt have someone to name after so of course my name is going to be used".
He seems to have a hard time moving from this exact name. Was it someone really close to him? Is there another name that works for that person (a Yiddish/Hebrew version?)

amother

Lightcoral

Mon, Aug 01 2022, 2:21 pm

That is incredibly stressful, Im sorry you are experiencing that.

One question I have is was he close to that person? Or close to the parent of his who it would be meaningful to?

Im asking to gauge how much of his actions is based on emotional rather than stubborness.

I think a Rabbi is a great way to go to help you get to a middle ground.

zohar

Mon, Aug 01 2022, 2:39 pm

Is your dh from a culture that they always name after someone vs. picking names just because they like them? If that's the case, he might be thinking of it in the way a previous poster mentioned. He's thinking, she doesn't have someone to name after, and I do, so why shouldn't we go with that. I come from that culture, and often, if one side has more names or closer names to name, they don't take turns, and one parent has more children named after their side. One idea is to come to him with a name that you like that is also the name of a tzaddik/es. It might talk to him more. Or, if you think he would be open to the idea, a name that you can find some connection to a deceased relative of yours that something to you. Ideally though, you or a rav or someone he respects should explain to him your feelings that you would like to have a turn, and just because you don't have Jewish relatives to name after, you would also like the opportunity to pick a name that is deeply meaningful to you.

amother

Tue, Aug 09 2022, 8:36 pm

Thank you all for your thoughtful replies. bH our daughter was born and I explained to DH the reasons why I felt the way I felt, and he actually said he wanted me to have the name I liked because he saw how hard I worked during labor. I was so touched that I insisted we include the name he wanted as a middle name. And we both ended up extremely happy with the choice and feel it was a perfect fit! Just wanted to update with positive news 😄