problems children sharing bedroom small apartment

abc 123

Thu, Aug 18 2022, 8:54 pm

I don't know what to do . We live in apartment to live in walking distance to school, shule, kosher shops, friends etc. We have no money for a bigger place with more bedrooms (in the country I live in frum Jewish community is only in 2 big cities in expensive areas.

I have 4 girls ages 6, 10, 11 and 13 sharing a room. 2 year old girl sleeps in my bedroom.with me and DH.

13 year old wants own bedroom and doesn't get along with younger sisters .
Kids keep each other up at night.
11 year old wants it to be quiet, dark and door closed to go sleep
13 year old wants go bed late like 10:30pm and disturbs kids when coming into bedroom to prepare for bed and go to bed late
10 yr old talks at night in her bed and wants to stay awake, 6 yr old wants door open at night . Problem is they all have to share a bedroom as no $$$$$$$$$$$ to move to bigger place.

2 year old sleeps in my bed and still wakes up at night.

Any solutions from those who have several children sharing bedroom in small apartment?

amother

Aubergine

Thu, Aug 18 2022, 9:05 pm

Can you make a partition in the room to separate it a bit? The kids should sleep with a noise machine so that they don't disturb each other. Do you have a larger area in the house you can block off and turn into a makeshift room? My friend got really tall wall partitions and closed off a corner of the dining room.

amother

Slateblue

Thu, Aug 18 2022, 10:06 pm

13 and 10 share a bunk bed near the door. 11 and 6 share a bunk bed on the other end of the room. Partition between the two beds.

6 year old has a light in her bed. 11 year old will still have dark if you set it up right. Btw you can put 6 on the top bunk, sometimes it’s easier to have the younger kid on top.

10 is on the other end of the room so less disruptive but she still needs to learn to be quiet at night. 13 should have a wardrobe in a different area of the house so she can prepare somewhere other than the bedroom. And an iron clad rule, no one wakes anyone else up or they’ll be sleeping on the couch.

As for your 2 year old I don’t know where you’d put them, they’re old enough for a toddler bed but obviously can’t share a room if they wake up at night.

abc 123

Thu, Aug 18 2022, 10:51 pm

[quote="amother Slateblue"]13 and 10 share a bunk bed near the door. 11 and 6 share a bunk bed on the other end of the room. Partition between the two beds.

6 year old has a light in her bed. 11 year old will still have dark if you set it up right. Btw you can put 6 on the top bunk, sometimes it’s easier to have the younger kid on top.

10 is on the other end of the room so less disruptive but she still needs to learn to be quiet at night. 13 should have a wardrobe in a different area of the house so she can prepare somewhere other than the bedroom. And an iron clad rule, no one wakes anyone else up or they’ll be sleeping on the couch.

As for your 2 year old I don’t know where you’d put them, they’re old enough for a toddler bed but obviously can’t share a room if they wake up at night.[/quote

Thank you I think this might be best solution to try. ]

amother

Aquamarine

Thu, Aug 18 2022, 11:02 pm

If your living/dining room has a door use it as a bedroom too.
If you have hallway space for a bed or toddlers bed, hang a curtain and make it a little private room
I like the idea of 2 bunk beds. Each bed is it’s own oasis with it’s own rules while they still need to respect each other.
What does the 13 year old have in mind? Where does she want to sleep? Yes, she can have the privilege of going to bed later but she has to be quiet or she loses that privilege.
Your not the only one with a few kids in one bedroom. I know a family in a 2 bedroom apartment. They have 5 girls in the bedroom. Somehow they make it work.
Another family I know has 6 kids in a one bedroom apartment! 5 kids sleep in the dining room which is now a bedroom. The baby sleeps with the parents. The little entrance hallway has become the dining room.
Hang in there! IyH you will be able to have a bigger home soon… you can daven for that.

abc 123

Fri, Aug 19 2022, 12:40 am

Thank you for all the replies. I think it also complicates it that the Jewish community school my children attend also has many wealthy families who have big houses and can afford to buy their children lots of toys, gadgets, fancy clothes etc.
The school offers subsidies to families with less money so kids go to school and have financially well off classmates who have own bedroom , big house, lots of gadgets, fancy clothes etc in stark contrast to families who live have lower income and live in apartments, wear second hand clothes, don't have fancy gadgets etc. Hard for kids to understand why their friends can have such a high standard of living and they can't.

amother

Snapdragon

Fri, Aug 19 2022, 3:31 am

abc 123 wrote:

But that's part of life. It affects us from the moment we're born until the day we die. It just IS. And we can't really change that some people have more and others have less.

What is important is to be happy with what you have, and learn to make the most of it.

amother

Aquamarine

Fri, Aug 19 2022, 7:42 am

Have they been sleeping in bunk beds until now?
It sounds like your hardest challenge is your 13 year old daughter. I can sense that because one of my children is very challenging and sometimes it’s an underlying feeling that things are so hard when in reality it’s really that one child. It will take a tremendous amount of maturity and peace of mind for your 13 year old to feel okay with herself, sharing a bedroom with a few siblings in a small apartment when her classmates are living different lifestyles. Of course it would be best if her friends were living similar lifestyles to hers. It seems like she is angry and resentful. You sound like you really care about your children and you want everyone to be happy. IyH they will grow up with lots of happiness and peace of mind!

amother

Pansy

Fri, Aug 19 2022, 9:00 am

While I am in a house, not apartment, I have 9 children and 4 bedrooms (with the 4th being 8x10ft, so very small).

Curretly in my girls room is 1.5, 5, 9, 12. I put the 1.5 and 6 year old to sleep with door open as is preference. The two older ones are in a bunk bed. They have flashlights to read in bed.. When the two Littles are asleep, I put 9 year old. When she is asleep the 12 year old goes in. She likes the dark and door closed so closes it when she goes to sleep.. They must be quiet. That's life.

My 1.5 year old just moved in a few weeks ago from my room. Bh thats working well. Prior kid distribution had my 15 year old in the room in place of dd10. Dd12 was still going to bed early so dd15 had the whole evening yo herself as long as she was quiet. She sometimes was on the phone in low tones.

Now dd15 and dd19 are sharing the small room. We'll see how it goes. They were in separate rooms sharing with the littles for a reason! And this room is small. Oh well.

However, they were both together with a younger sib until the older one was 13. In that era I put my babies in the small room.

It doesn't sound like you have this problem, but when kids were keeping eachother up I would put one to sleep in my room.

I have a consistently positive attitude towards the living space. I constantly remind them they have to be considerate to others in the room. That means both being quiet and putting up with noise/light. The lower bunk can beade to be relatively private

Having extra rooms means I can reshuffle personalities so that's a plus. I have no advice on how to deal with sparring personalities other than that or wait for them to grow out of it (the approach I took with my 3 boys who share.. but it was a rough go).

Hotzlocha!