S/o fears of starting school

amother

Mon, Sep 05 2022, 9:35 am

My dd is similar to the op of the fears of starting school thread, except my dd is almost 4 and starting preschool in an in home daycarwle.
She has a lot of separation anxiety, and says she doesn't want to go because "what if I need you", or she just wants to stay home. She also has fears of children hitting her or bothering, and has noise sensitivity.
She tends to be anxious in general.
I do understand her fears, but I'm at a loss of what to do.
We went to see the daycare and morah, and I plan to stay with her a bit the first day. But I know she's not gonna let me leave.
She'll also bring a stuffed animal with her.
Is there anything I can tell her to make her feel better? This isn't so intuitive for me.

amother

Ghostwhite

Mon, Sep 05 2022, 9:55 am

Start addressing the biological causes of anxiety:

Inflammation
Infections
Gut health
Sleep
Nutrient deficiencies
Minerals
Vagus nerve
Allergies

amother

Peachpuff

Mon, Sep 05 2022, 10:11 am

amother Ghostwhite wrote:

Start addressing the biological causes of anxiety:

Inflammation
Infections
Gut health
Sleep
Nutrient deficiencies
Minerals
Vagus nerve
Allergies

It’s really normal for a kid, especially a mature thinking type, to be anxious about a new situation in the beginning. Why does it have to mean there is something wrong physically with them?

amother

SandyBrown

Mon, Sep 05 2022, 10:17 am

She sounds like she has anxiety which is not uncommon. As a teacher I see it get worse as the kids get older. If you can get her play therapy and give her coping skills at a young age she’ll do better in life.

amother

SandyBrown

Mon, Sep 05 2022, 10:17 am

amother Ghostwhite wrote:

Start addressing the biological causes of anxiety:

Inflammation
Infections
Gut health
Sleep
Nutrient deficiencies
Minerals
Vagus nerve
Allergies

Oh please. Anxiety is real and isn’t caused by this hog wash.

amother

Mon, Sep 05 2022, 10:27 am

amother Peachpuff wrote:

It’s really normal for a kid, especially a mature thinking type, to be anxious about a new situation in the beginning. Why does it have to mean there is something wrong physically with them?

Agreed, and that's why I'm looking for advice on what I could talk about with her to help.
She is very much a thinking type, and very smart keh

amother

Mon, Sep 05 2022, 10:28 am

amother SandyBrown wrote:

I'm worried about it getting worse. Working on getting therapy but very hard to get that here. So trying to help her on my own for now

amother

Ghostwhite

Mon, Sep 05 2022, 10:33 am

amother SandyBrown wrote:

Oh please. Anxiety is real and isn’t caused by this hog wash.

It’s so very real and that’s why the real causes need to be addressed. This list isn’t hogwash, it’s all backed by actual science.

amother

Ghostwhite

Mon, Sep 05 2022, 10:36 am

amother Peachpuff wrote:

It’s really normal for a kid, especially a mature thinking type, to be anxious about a new situation in the beginning. Why does it have to mean there is something wrong physically with them?

Being a “mature, thinking” type is actually a sign of anxiety, not the other way around.

While anxiety is certainly common, and some degree is normal, this seems to me more than the norm.

Typically when children worry too much, it’s an indication of a hyper vigilant nervous system. Obviously OP is free to pursue whatever angle she wants, but the root causes are mostly medical.

amother

Begonia

Mon, Sep 05 2022, 2:28 pm

amother Ghostwhite wrote:

It’s so very real and that’s why the real causes need to be addressed. This list isn’t hogwash, it’s all backed by actual science.

That really sounds like that Instagram women. Speaking nonsense

amother

SandyBrown

Mon, Sep 05 2022, 2:42 pm

amother Ghostwhite wrote:

It’s so very real and that’s why the real causes need to be addressed. This list isn’t hogwash, it’s all backed by actual science.

No it’s not backed by anything. I remember when those concepts were born in Facebook groups. I remember who started ot and how it gained traction. It’s a cult/ trend. So sad that kids are being put through this nonsense when they can get real help.

amother

Mon, Sep 05 2022, 3:49 pm

Can we please not derail the thread? I'm looking for ideas of what I can tell dd and what I can do with her to help her separate, and stay in school

LittleDucky

Mon, Sep 05 2022, 4:00 pm

amother OP wrote:

Can we please not derail the thread? I'm looking for ideas of what I can tell dd and what I can do with her to help her separate, and stay in school

Try the book the "whole brain child".

Also- If she is very verbal try to talk it out with her, address her concerns etc. What can she do about it? How can she be empowered to find a solution- even if that solution is "tell Morah". And game plan with Morah ahead of time- maybe she needs a quiet corner, Morah checking in with her, a "backup stuffed animal".
Or maybe a photo book of home to look at if she gets homesick. Photos of family, toys, bedroom, a trip or vacation...

amother

Pearl

Mon, Sep 05 2022, 4:06 pm

It's aimed at 6+ but maybe the techniques with help you? My kids find this very good
https://a.co/d/aAygaRb
And I second it's not necessarily reflective of a mature thinker - I have kid with anxiety who is very academic and a kid who is super chilled and also extremely academic. And then a kid with anxiety who is not academic. I see it as part of their tafkid to learn to manage and conquer it (I have lots Ka'H, anxiety is not rampant in our home!)