Developing daughter. How do I have the talk?? Help please

amother

NeonBlue

Wed, Sep 07 2022, 7:35 pm

I got my period at age 9.5 and was completely unprepared. I had no idea what was happening to me and was traumatized. This tainted puberty for me and I fought my mother on everything, including wearing a bra. I don't blame my mother for not talking to me earlier because she never expected me to get my period so young but I'm determined that my daughters have a completely different experience.

When my oldest daughter turned 9 I bought her a book about puberty. I read it first to make sure it would be appropriate and then we read it together with me giving her the opportunity to ask questions and telling her some stories along the way too. It was both informative and a good bonding experience. I let her keep the book to read again at her leisure and ask any questions that arose as her body began to change. She eventually got her period at age 11.5 and was very well prepared for it. I have bought her all different types of deodorant and pads/tampons to try out and discover her preferences.

I plan on doing the same with my younger daughters as well, although the talk may change slightly based on their personalities and the questions they ask.

amother

Steel

Wed, Sep 07 2022, 8:31 pm

amother Watermelon wrote:

Why don’t you take her out for lunch or shopping… have the talk then when you are out.

Start by saying you are a beautiful wonderful girl and daughter.

You probably have noticed that your body is beginning to change….this is because your body is getting ready to be a woman, you might have noticed more hair on ur legs, under ur arms, privates, it’s all normal.

Ppl usually start to smell a lil and we wear deodorant for that.

We can use a shaver for the hair we don’t want

We wear a bra to keep our chest looking good, they will continue to grow, and change sizes until they are fully developed. We will go to the store now and get you starts and as you change will we get you new sizes and styles.

You will start to have something called a period, it comes every month, it’s when ur body bleeds, this blood was meant to help a baby grow, it’s a huge Bracha IMH, when u are married and ready a baby will be implanted and need you to supply blood.

For now this blood leaves ur body each month. Woman use/ wear different things to catch the blood so it doesn’t make a mess. Most girls start out with what is called a pad, it’s something that you put in ur underwear and you change it as often as you need, so it doesn’t leak or smell. Some ppl may not feel good and they take medicine for like like Advil or Tylenol. The bleeding usually lasts for 4-7 days depending on your body.

After this we can go to CVS and buy all the things you need. We will buy a special container for them for you to keep in the bathroom.

We will also make a little pouch for you to keep in your backpack (locker) so you can have in school for when you need, we will put in there a change of underwear just in case….

Mommy and Totty love you so much!!!

Do you have any questions honey? How do u feel about all of this, I know it’s a lot of information…

Something along these lines

I feel like you’re my mommy. Telling me all the things my mother never told me, in such a beautiful way.

Thank you.

amother

Peony

Wed, Sep 07 2022, 8:45 pm

For sure divide it in several talks over many months unless you know she's at the point of getting her period already

stage 1- you know how mothers bodies are different than Lil girl bodies? As you get older body starts developing breasts, talk about bras hygiene and deoderant. Also let her know you will be talking to her about her body changes and different info

**Important** make sure to mention that these are things girls talk to their mothers (or fathers) only. If friends or any other person tries telling them info teach them to say "I only discuss this with my mother"

This actually saved DD!!!

stage 2-talk a bit about monthly cycle the body goes through and periods

stage 3- follow up questions etc

amother

Obsidian

Wed, Sep 07 2022, 10:31 pm

amother Thistle wrote:

I was given "The Wonder of Becoming You" to read as a young teen, and IIRC, there was no mention of regular (white or clear) v@ginal discharge/fluid which can appear even before period. It freaked me out when I first experienced it and I didn't have adult support to ask about it. Might be helpful to mention.

When I needed to discuss it with my oldest daughter, my friend recommended getting this book. She said depending on your daughter's personality, you can give it to her to read or read it together, in whole or a little at a time.

amother

Magnolia

Thu, Sep 08 2022, 10:30 am

amother Peony wrote:

Miriam Davidson has the most sound advice on how to talk to your daughter, she gave a talk through the organization ohel miriam
641-715-3800 access code 444657.
Press 17

read "The Wonders of Becoming You" and "Heart to Heart" together with DDs

op I totally get it that u feel awk. With dd1 our natures are compatible and we talk about anything and eveyrthing

Dd2 isn't feelings type of person and it was harder for me to be the adult

Gluck

There are many many threads here on this topic w some fabulous advice

I just spoke to my 10 year old. This hotline was very helpful!

amother

Whitesmoke

Thu, Sep 08 2022, 3:49 pm

amother NeonBlue wrote:

How long was it after your you started developing did you get your period?

amother

Crocus

Fri, Sep 09 2022, 8:30 am

amother Begonia wrote:

Usually breast buds start first (that's your cue to quickly speak to them if you haven't already). Followed by public hair/underarm hair and lastly the period. Usually. So if they have public hair and/or underarm hair, it's imminent.
Sometimes they experience clear discharge before their first period.

Sorry to be explicit, by breast buds do you mean its just grpeing and starting to stick out?