Inviting myself | Imamother

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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette

Inviting myself

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amother

Grape

Tue, Aug 02 2022, 4:03 pm

It is not classy. I did it when I was in seminary...I would never do it at this stage.

lamplighter

Tue, Aug 02 2022, 6:19 pm

If they aren't people who have lots of guests of different types on a weekly basis, it's probably ok.
A regular family, it would socially appropriate to explain why your asking to come over.
It's not clear from your post why you picked this family to ask or why you need to eat out.

SG18

Tue, Aug 02 2022, 6:49 pm

I do this all of the time. I moved to a new community a few months ago, and most of the couples here are our age, but have more kids than we do. They live in houses, we have a small apartment. I don't want to deprive their kids of room to play and run around. They have told me they're thrilled when I reach out.
They have told me that a certain week doesn't work, and I don't reach out for a couple of weeks after that (unless they specify that next week would be great).
I do it just to be social, to build new relationships.
If someone turned me down after I reached out the first time, or didn't invite us at least once more, I most likely wouldn't reach out again.
I would definitely reach out early in the week (Tuesday the latest), unless it's someone who specified that they're always available and also invite us often. Here in Israel, people have invited us Thursday night, so I could probably get away with asking more last minute, but I don't love to.

amother

Bisque

Tue, Aug 02 2022, 7:30 pm

I like the idea that was suggested that the OP suggest a potluck meal and try to do it at a park or somewhere neutral. Or try to be clear about coordinating a get together later in the day. Hosting people is a lot of work, and you don’t want to make them uncomfortable saying no if they can’t or don’t want to do it.

amother

Firethorn

Tue, Aug 02 2022, 7:50 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Is it inappropriate/socially off for me to ask if my family can come for a shabbos meal? Someone that I am friendly with, not super close friend.

Invite them first to your house for a meal and then hopefully they’ll reciprocate l

naomi2

Tue, Aug 02 2022, 9:54 pm

I don't think it's socially appropriate to invite yourself. I wouldn't enjoy getting this request from someone.asking to potluck by someone else doesn't really make it better either unless you have a chat with more than one family involved.
However, if there is a big reason that you need to be invited out, such as, you are moving or making a simcha very soon or your husband is out of town etc then it would be ok.

amother

Ivory

Tue, Aug 02 2022, 10:12 pm

Hm, looks like I misinterpreted OP's question. I thought she's single, was invited out, and wants to ask her hosts if she can bring her parents and sibs along. Which I would never do. Ein oreach machnis oreach.

I wouldn't invite myself, let alone my whole family, unless I knew for a FACT that the hosts don't mind. Inviting yourself really puts people on the spot, and not everyone has the gumption to say no even if it's a hardship for them. Only in a dire emergency would I even consider such a thing, by which I mean something like we were OOT, got caught in a blizzard, made it back home late Friday afternoon and found that our fridge had died and the food we prepared ahead in the freezer spoiled. Even then I would probably see if we could make do with whatever nonperishable food we had rather than impose on anyone else.

amother

Chambray

Mon, Sep 12 2022, 2:12 am

Op, how are you doing? Thinking of you and hoping Shabbos has been easier lately.

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