How do ima's w young kids stay up late for the parade of YTs

rachelli66

Mon, Sep 12 2022, 8:08 am

I hope this will help OP. Get help when you need. Maybe a young girl neighbor not going to Shul ( 8-11 yr. old.) can come watch your 2 yr. old during YT. (in the garden, in your living rm.) An extra pair of hands. Make meals very simple. Make sure you eat before your DH comes home. Davening is usually long. Feed the kids. Continue on your schedule with naps, resting. Use plastic plates instead of washing. Your job (and an amazing job it is) is to care for your children, babies. You do not have a Chiyuv to open a Machzor. You do need to hear shofar Blowing, but anything else, try to be a happy Mommy over YT. That is your focus for now. If you sleep early, Let your DH eat, and have his seuda. You are just after birth, and some might feel better with a 5 week old, or 7 week old. Many need more time. It's ok. There is no race. Do what is good for you and your children.

amother

DarkYellow

Mon, Sep 12 2022, 4:34 pm

I know you don’t appreciate me telling you when to make your meal, but it’s helpful to put things in perspective. It’s not a seder night. You aren’t obligated to have a 10 course meal. Your husband can find a faster minyan at night and come home sooner and have a quick meal and then bed. And if he takes an hour to daven, or even an hour and a half, that’s a half hour to eat the challah and the main and go to bed. So you’re in bed by 8:30 Pm. Your husband can clean in the morning.

Something’s gotta give. You say your husband must have a four course meal and they must have it with you serving and clearing and cooking and he must come home at this time and that’s an awful lot of demands.

If you take a step back and look at the big picture, it’s not as overwhelming when you look at his demands and what you can handle versus yom tov is just the worst I want to sleep at 8pm. If he insists on things a certain way, he can realize this isn’t the time.

amother

Antiquewhite

Tue, Sep 13 2022, 1:00 am

amother DarkYellow wrote:

I think you're mixing up me, a totally random commenter, with the OP. The OP never said her husband needed a big meal, and serving and clearing etc, when she has a newborn. I was the one who posted that my husband and kids would think its weird for me to skip a meal because its late, and weirdER if I just told them im just serving simanim, or soup. For what its worth, no one demands from me a "four course meal", "serving and clearing". I happily do these things and I love our meals and don't find it burdensome at all. I only wrote what I did for those who read the comments here and see the many replies saying that the OP should skip/serve simanim and thats it etc. And while thats great, and healthy for some, I just wanted those who read those replies and couldn't relate,
to know that they were not alone.
Both my husband and I grew up in homes with YT was a big deal, meals were huge with singing and company and everything, and he wouldn't know what to do with himself if we did otherwise. He is just not used to that sort of thing, and thats ok. Sounds like most of you think cooking big meals and serving it "spoiling" my family, or something?? As if its a bad thing or making it sound like my family is abusing me, and incapable of managing on their own. Not at all the case in my situation.
A practical suggestion for the OP- can you move into your parents or in laws or a sibling/sinling-in-law for YT? That way you can sleep and your spouse can have a regular YT, you don't have to cook or do anything, and your older child will be taken care of also. Hopefully this can be an option for you.

mizle10

Tue, Sep 13 2022, 9:08 am

amother Antiquewhite wrote:

amother

Sapphire

Tue, Sep 13 2022, 1:43 pm

3 weeks after birth, I would rather be home and do a low key meal than move into my inlaws. But some other people might feel differently. I personally am never in a schedule, so we just move things around. I might have a rest and we start the meal later, or we make kiddush and challah and then take a break whilst I feed the baby etc.
But it does feel overwhelming when you're just after birth and adjusting to everything. It's all about lowering expectations and not trying to do it all.