Male Bus Monitor calls dd "pretty girl"

amother

Firethorn

Thu, Sep 15 2022, 1:49 am

He probably calls her "pretty girl" because he doesn't remember or can't pronounce her name. It's almost certainly benign, and in the rest of the world it's a totally normal way of addressing a cute little kid.

If there's something else that bugs you, then be alert. But this by itself is just friendly.

amother

Eggplant

Thu, Sep 15 2022, 3:14 am

It's probably cultural as others have said, but of course keep an eye/ear out if you're concerned. And teach your kids about body safety. Kids really soak up everything at this age and I was really impressed how much my 4 year old understood and remembered from our talks when she was younger when I talked to her about it last week before school started.

amother

Daffodil

Thu, Sep 15 2022, 3:21 am

DrMom wrote:

If you want to make yourself meshugeneh, go ahead.

But your DD is only 3 years old. You have at least 15 more years to worry about her. You may want to pace yourself.

Aylat

Thu, Sep 15 2022, 4:08 am

If I was a bus monitor to 3 year olds, I'd probably greet each kid, "hi cutie/gorgeous/sweetheart" and sprinkle with compliments like "nice hairdo/sparkly unicorn/pretty skirt."

mommy3b2c

Thu, Sep 15 2022, 4:13 am

This sounds completely normal. Especially if he’s not Jewish. Most of my employees are not Jewish males and they all work with children and they greet all the girls “hey sweetie I love your tutu!” Or “hey my love your hairbow is so pretty and sparkly” and all the boys “hey buddy! Let me so those muscles!” Or “ hey little man, cool bike!”

That’s just the way you’re supposed to talk to children if you are dealing or caring for them in any capacity.

Last edited by mommy3b2c on Thu, Sep 15 2022, 4:17 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Honeydew

Thu, Sep 15 2022, 4:15 am

Op I totally hear you!
It would concern me and I would want to be proactive whether innocent or not.
How bout making a WhatsApp chat for all the moms who send kids on the bus? Very common in terms of bus stops etc you can ask the school for a list to start.
You don’t have to post anything alarmist but can cross reference with the moms what’s going on.
3 is young to ride the bus alone.
I’d also find an older girl who can sit with your daughter. This is very common and you can help protect your daughter without any assumptions correct or not.
These ideas can help young kids in any bus situation.
Hugs and hatzlocha

amother

Honeydew

Thu, Sep 15 2022, 4:19 am

Ftr just as it’s not good to jump to conclusion regarding such comments it is equally absurd if not more so to be sure it’s innocent and ridicule a concern.
Good for you op for being proactive.

amother

Honeydew

Thu, Sep 15 2022, 4:22 am

While this is likely innocent in fact this type of denial is a large part of how predators do get away with abuse R”L.
And how it takes years and blatant track record to convict and then 20/20 hindsight kicks in and so on.

amother

Amber

Thu, Sep 15 2022, 5:36 am

Op, nothing in your post would be a red flag to me. I do get you being concerned when sending a preschooler on a bus, I've been there.

Also keep In mind there are very strict rules re who can work on a school bus & they are all fingerprinted etc.

amother

Lightyellow

Thu, Sep 15 2022, 5:46 am

amother Vermilion wrote:

I get what you're saying, but it seems totally innocent and sweet.

This
Him saying that is cultural
You thinking it’s creepy is cultural

Rubber Ducky

Thu, Sep 15 2022, 5:49 am

Sounds normal and is much easier than trying to remember everyone's names.

amother

Denim

Thu, Sep 15 2022, 5:53 am

OP I’d speak to other mothers and find out if it’s specific to your daughter or not.
I’d also hear their POV and gut feeling about him.

amother

Burgundy

Thu, Sep 15 2022, 7:41 am

amother OP wrote:

If I encounter a male anywhere that calls me a "pretty girl" I'd find it really creepy and would stay away....so....

Firstly, we're women, not girls. I'd be miffed if a man called me a girl, pretty or not.

Secondly, you're married. You might not be creeped out if you were single and a man who could be a potential shidduch called you "pretty woman." I wouldn't have been annoyed if a guy I liked called me pretty when I was single, though it would be annoying if I didn't like the guy and inappropriate now that I'm married. I get the idea that you're from those circles wherein men and women have nothing to do with each other and a man doesn't tell a woman she's pretty until they're married or at the very least engaged, but you need to realize that in other sectors of society, men do compliment women they interact with. It's inappropriate in the workplace but acceptable in social situations. Up to a point, of course. "You look lovely" is not "I love the way that silk clings to your breas*s." You can't judge a nonJew by the same standards that apply to Orthodox Jews. Should a strict Moslem hold you in contempt for not covering your face with a veil when you go out in public? Should an Amish woman criticize you for using electricity? Same difference.

Thirdly, your dd is a child, not an adult or a nubile teen. People talk differently to children. I might tell a four-year-old boy dressed in Shabbos clothes "My, don't you look handsome!" I would never say that to an adult who isn't my dh or ds, and I probably wouldn't say it to a teenager, but I would say it to a little kid.

This doesn't mean that the bus monitor isn't a pedophile. He may be or he may not be. You need to keep an eye out but not assume that every person who says something that you, with your insular and highly conservative upbringing, find inappropriate, is necessarily a predator on the hunt. Most just have a set of social rules different from yours.

nightingale1

Thu, Sep 15 2022, 8:03 am

I wouldn’t be worried. When I was growing up my non-Jewish neighbor used to call me “babe” and “pretty girl”. He stopped when I was older. He is genuinely a nice, normal person.

amother

Honeydew

Thu, Sep 15 2022, 8:09 am

He called you “babe”? And you think that’s ok? Not saying he is a predator Chas v shalom but that is hardly reassuring.
While bus monitor probably doesn’t know names will say that we have really gotten desensitized.