If I invite one do I need to invite all?

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Forum -> Relationships -> Simcha Section

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amother

Fri, Sep 16 2022, 8:41 am

I am making a small bar mitzvah. I am inviting some close friends and some neighbors that I have a relationship with almost on a daily basic.
There are some neighbors that I have known for years but I am not real friends with them. We have been neighbors for 30 yrs so we really know each other.
I can't invite everyone because I need to keep it small.
My question is what should I do? If I invite one and the others find out they will be hurt but there are a few I would like to invite.

HonesttoGod

Fri, Sep 16 2022, 10:10 am

You’ll find out imamother in a few weeks lol.

Tbh I personally don’t think so. Maybe invite them to dessert or the kiddusb.

amother

Arcticblue

Fri, Sep 16 2022, 10:13 am

I think it's hurtful to not invite neighbors of 30 years. Maybe you can invite neighbors for dessert only.

amother

Pewter

Fri, Sep 16 2022, 10:18 am

What percentage of the block are you inviting? If you're leaving out 2 families you need to invite all or none. If you're inviting 5 and leaving out 15 I think it's fine.

iyar

Fri, Sep 16 2022, 10:22 am

Exactly what pewter said.
We don’t know how many people you’re inviting or how many neighbors you have. You can’t invite most and leave out a few but you can invite a few and leave out most.

amother

Fri, Sep 16 2022, 10:48 am

I live on a small block and inviting everyone.
I'm talking about neighbors on other blocks.
I live in a development and everyone knows everyone.
Problem is I need to keep the cost down so I can't invite the whole neighborhood.
I'm not doing a dessert table because it's too expensive.

amother

Arcticblue

Fri, Sep 16 2022, 10:55 am

amother OP wrote:

Oh, I think that's ok.

realtalk

Fri, Sep 16 2022, 11:00 am

It’s common in my development to have neighbors chip in for the dessert table so it can be open for everyone. Is that something that’s typical by you?

amother

Canary

Fri, Sep 16 2022, 11:12 am

We made a small party and just invited family and my son's friends.

I wanted to invite one family of neighbors that we're very friendly with, and one of my childhood friends who lives in town. Dh and I discussed it and decided not to because that way we could tell our neighbors, less-close friends, etc. that we didn't invite any friends at all. It was worth it to us that no one should be offended.

BUT I don't think that was the only right answer. If you think that your simcha would be greatly enhanced by having those people there, I think it's fine, assuming that they're a small minority. I just want to put out there that I found it easier to have a blanket statement (yours might be "We only invited people on the block, but drew the line at even very close friends who lived elsewhere because we were trying to stay within budget") and to know that we weren't offending anyone.

amother

Fri, Sep 16 2022, 1:20 pm

realtalk wrote:

It’s common in my development to have neighbors chip in for the dessert table so it can be open for everyone. Is that something that’s typical by you?

No not in my community only for a kiddush.

amother

Whitesmoke

Fri, Sep 16 2022, 1:22 pm

amother OP wrote:

Only people you’re really friendly with. If it’s people you just say hello and how are you to, but never get together socially or talk on the phone, you don’t invite.

ra_mom

Fri, Sep 16 2022, 3:33 pm

amother Arcticblue wrote:

Oh, I think that's ok.

I agree. In this situation it sounds ok.

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