Would you marry off your child in such a hall?

Bnei Berak 10

Thu, Sep 29 2022, 2:29 pm

chanchy123 wrote:

I just want to note that just DH and my siblings, their spouses, children, spouses grandchildren and our first cousins aunts and uncles and their spouses is probably about 150 people and were don’t have any married children yet. That would mean we couldn’t invite any of our friends (I assume the couples’ friends would be mesamchim?)
In the chareidi weddings I’ve been to, this was the standard, my family members invite only immediate family to the meal - and fiends and a bit more distant relatives come just to say mazal tov, but that’s not what’s acceptable in my DL circles.
Weddings aren’t necessarily fancy, although they can be, but they’re large.

Nobody in DL circles have come forward and said that we don't want to make a huge wedding?

keym

Thu, Sep 29 2022, 2:57 pm

I agree with Chanchy.
The numbers feel very small.
I like how in Lakewood, there are several halls that have takana options for different size weddings.
I and my husband both have large (immediate) families of siblings, nieces, nephews, aunt's, uncles.
Im not in the Parsha yet. But if my kids marry spouses from smaller families, we can do the smaller halls and still be able to invite our close friends. But if my kids marry into larger families, I like the option of going with larger halls

I'm going to add an observation. When I was a kid, people made weddings as big or as small as they wanted. Around 20/25 years ago, when takanos started tackling size, the size of sheva Brachos grew out of control.
Because "I" can't have someone tell me that my cousins and aunts cant participate in my Simcha. If someone is going to restrict them from coming to the wedding, I'm just going to feel pressured to have them at a sheva Brachos

chanchy123

Thu, Sep 29 2022, 3:20 pm

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

Nobody in DL circles have come forward and said that we don't want to make a huge wedding?

I’m in the between stage where my friends aren’t getting married anymore (we’ve been to a few second weddings) but aren’t marrying off children either yet (probably in the next year or two we’ll be there though, we’re in our early 40s), so I don’t know how much of a strain it is from the perspective of the parent’s of the couple and their friends.
As a parent of teens I can’t imagine not having my close friends share my future simcha. I agree that the obligation to invite colleagues and acquaintances and the corresponding obligation to attend and give a generous gift is nuts, but actual genuine friends? That seems just so normal to me, it would be hard to give that up, although I do understand the logic.

Chayalle

Thu, Sep 29 2022, 3:29 pm

keym wrote:

I dunno, I think the people who are invited to Sheva Brachos are also invited to the wedding. I don't see it as people who were restricted from the wedding. Usually the Sheva Brachos is by/for immediate family or close friends. (I see it as a more intimate wedding party, where you actually get to know the Chassan or Kallah - whichever just married into your family - a little better.)

amother

Thu, Sep 29 2022, 3:43 pm

shabbatiscoming wrote:

OP, I keep asking what the name of this hall is. Im not sure why you cant tell us....

Sorry, I don't always check the site. I will ask DH.

The Hall was called Ulamei Ron Tal.

Now it's called Ulamei Meisner

Located in Beit Shemesh area.

amother

Sage

Thu, Sep 29 2022, 5:04 pm

Re the downpayment of apartment its most defnitely contributing to heart attacks in the chareidi sector. My FILs health has deteriorated for the weddings, bms, down payments, monthly support... its never ending.

But my BIL still wont go to work. I dont understand it. He sees my FIL struggling at 65 working in construction and still goes to him for help. My SIL called me that we should collect for my FIL and all his debts. I dont know how to say change the system and this would not have happened in the first place...

amother

Honey

Thu, Sep 29 2022, 5:22 pm

amother Sage wrote:

I wouldnt. I liked picking my own music and menu.
I got married in keter harimon.

Have you looked into other halls?

Isn’t that in Bnei Brak and wasn’t there an issue recently there, is it still being used? Can’t remember details not trying to besmirch. Had a wedding a couple of years ago there and was stunning!!!

Bnei Berak 10

Thu, Sep 29 2022, 5:29 pm

amother Honey wrote:

Correct. In bnei brak. Considered to be one of the best halls in Israel for frum people.

amother

Sage

Thu, Sep 29 2022, 10:10 pm

amother Honey wrote:

I got married 2 years ago, not recently.

amother

Wandflower

Fri, Sep 30 2022, 12:31 am

My daughter got married a few years ago and got divorced after a few months. It was s simple wedding. We took out a loan through our chassidus. We will be paying off this loan for about 10 years.
People DO have heart attacks when it comes to the financing of even simple weddings. If you are not aware of this you are not marrying off children. The pressure is immense. Even when making a wedding in super simple place.
Keter Harimon is a very upscale hall btw. Very.
If I could I would make every single wedding in a takana hall. The amounts spent on one evening of partying are an absolute travesty and waste of money. My husband is on the same page.

amother

Wandflower

Fri, Sep 30 2022, 12:39 am

amother Snowflake wrote:

How does being “not enough Gur” take away peer pressure? It’s substituting one kind of peer pressure for another.

One of the best parts in Gur is the takanos. That is not peer pressure. Those are the rules and it removes peer pressure that is so prevalent in every community.

Bnei Berak 10

Fri, Sep 30 2022, 1:50 am

amother Wandflower wrote:

One of the best parts in Gur is the takanos. That is not peer pressure. Those are the rules and it removes peer pressure that is so prevalent in every community.

I wish litvish people could be more into takanot too.
Takanot doesn't mean you cannot splurge if you really want. Buy that fancy chanukkiah to your chosson. *After* the wedding.

amother

Amethyst

Fri, Sep 30 2022, 3:12 am

I would and I do have the money to pay for something nicer. But, why waste the money on one day. Prefer to invest it for the couple. Surely cheaper weddings make sense when house prices are so expensive. And how many people have the time or energy to go to do many weddings. Invite those closest to you and leave everyone else alone.

Bnei Berak 10

Fri, Sep 30 2022, 3:34 am

amother Amethyst wrote:

Agree with you. The closest only. Sorry to be blunt but having many weddings to attend becomes a tircha.

dilego

Fri, Sep 30 2022, 7:15 am

I dont know. We made 4 chassunos so far. And by far relatvely speaking the most expensive one was beginning of corona where the caterer charged for at least 60 manot without serving personel a bomb for a regular menue.
But we never had takanos chassunos and they where each around 24'000 shekel devided by both sides. Sorry.
Why is this takkanot one cheaper and I have to use the photographer and band?
They where all standard regular chareidi chassunos. On one we took the meshudrag menue and it still wasnt so crazy expensive. Yes we had 350 portions at each besides corona ones plus I think 300 bar parve and some fleishigs I dont remember exactly as 2 where b4.
Corona. Hassaot are an extra expense sorry if its out of town it should either be incl in the package or cheaper. That said the yeshiva of the chassan expect a bus or two for the bochuri.m
Chaval that its expensive this takkanot hall package. In my eyes

amother

Snowflake

Fri, Sep 30 2022, 8:42 am

dilego wrote:

Exactly. The savings get eaten up by having to provide bussing because the wedding is out of town. Having to provide extra food, because people are arriving hungry during dancing after traveling out of town.

If I’d want to save I’d do a backyard wedding over a tekana hall.

The problem is the peer pressure of all the standards during the engagement, the apartment, the gown.
It isn’t just about the photographer and the band.

Teach your kids to recognize their own likes and needs vs what everyone else is doing.
A temporary tekana hall, or a chassidus rule, just won’t cut it.