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Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays -> Rosh Hashana-Yom Kippur
Dear mother staying home on Yom Kippur
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amother
Lavender


 

Post Tue, Oct 04 2022, 12:29 am
amother Ecru wrote:
I heard a beautiful idea.
One of the ways with which we can combo at Emes/Din is by Chessed(/Rachamim). What better way to spend Yom Kippur then by constantly doing chessed/rachamim?

I love this. Thank you for sharing.
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funmamma




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Oct 04 2022, 12:58 am
The same way our avodah when we were single was to be in shul- this right now of staying home with our kids and all the diapering and singing and playing IS OUR avodah! This is what Hashem wants if us now.

Forgive me if I'm missing some details but the following story goes like this- during the war in Shanghai there was one yom kippur that was bruttaly brutally hot and the rosh yeshiva said that everyone should stay in bed as to not waste any energy and become dehydrated... The rosh yeshivah told the talmidim- this year your avodah on yom kippur is to be in bed! Embrace your avodah.

This is what Hashem is asking of us at this stage in our life.

Gmar chasima tovah! Easy and meaningful fast. (And yes we should find meaning in our 'mundane' holy work!)
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mushkamothers




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Oct 04 2022, 11:54 am
amother Gladiolus wrote:
sorry for adding this then. I have to admit that I didn't listen to it... yet, I appreciated this topic being discussed here.


No thank you for sharing!
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amother
Amethyst


 

Post Tue, Oct 04 2022, 1:29 pm
Just want to add that even though a women’s avoda on Yom Kippur may not be davening in shul, she is not exempt from doing teshuva and making a cheshbon hanefesh, etc.
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mushkamothers




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Oct 04 2022, 5:39 pm
amother Amethyst wrote:
Just want to add that even though a women’s avoda on Yom Kippur may not be davening in shul, she is not exempt from doing teshuva and making a cheshbon hanefesh, etc.


But the mitzvah doraisa is still just to fast Smile
A good reminder still!
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goodmorning




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 06 2022, 9:51 am
mushkamothers wrote:
But the mitzvah doraisa is still just to fast Smile
A good reminder still!


There are several mitzvos d'Oraisa on Yom Kippur that women are obligated in. There are the mitzvas asei d'Oraisa to fast (mitzvah 313 in Sefer HaChinuch) and a lo sa'asei not to eat (mitzvah 316); likewise there are mitzvos to refrain from doing melacha on YK (mitzvos 315 and 317).

And completely independently, there is also a mitzvah to do teshuva and say vidui on Yom Kippur.

From Sefer HaChinuch mitzvah 364:
Quote:

ונוהגת מצוה זו בכל מקום ובכל זמן בזכרים ונקבות, והעובר על זה ולא התודה על חטאיו ביום הכפורים שהוא יום קבוע מעולם לסליחה וכפרה בטל עשה זה, ואוי לו לאדם אם ימות בלא ודוי ונשא עונו.

And this commandment is practiced in every place and at all time by males and females. And one who transgresses it and does not confess about his sins on Yom Kippur, which is the day that is set from always for forgiveness and atonement, has violated this positive commandment. And woe to a man, if he dies without confession and carries his iniquity.


By definition, you can not do teshuva without thought, introspection and emotion. Which means that "inspiration" is decidedly non-optional on Yom Kippur, even for women.
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mushkamothers




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 06 2022, 11:15 am
goodmorning wrote:
By definition, you can not do teshuva without thought, introspection and emotion. Which means that "inspiration" is decidedly non-optional on Yom Kippur, even for women.


Both are correct. Question is where do you get your inspiration from in order to do to teshuva, which really means to act is act in the way that Hashem meant you to act, I.e. in the most perfect and effective way that you're capable of doing.

The process of doing teshuva is technical, both for men and women, and has the components of charoto, kabolo al ho'osid, and viduy devarim. These are technical steps however.

Why are you doing teshuva and what is your purpose at that moment, (and every person's purpose clearly changes throughout their lifetime) in other words the best way to serve Hashem is something that changes according to the circumstances that Hashem puts you into in the first place, because we believe that mei Hashem mitzadei gever kononu.

So a single girl has one avoda, and a married woman has a little different avoda and a woman with young children yet a different avoda.

By reflecting on what your avoda is at that moment and how important that avoda is to Hashem, that is where we get our inspiration to do to teshuvah.

Best and powerful story to illustrate this (which I mentioned in the podcast where I had space to discuss this) is the story of the Alter Rebbe chopping wood for a postpartum widow who had just given birth instead of going to Kol Nidrei himself.
There was no one else to do it, so that was his avoda in that minute.
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goodmorning




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 06 2022, 12:21 pm
I'm not sure if I'm following what you're saying.

There is no chiyuv to say Kol Nidrei. It is a minhag (an old one, from the times of the Geonim) but it can be skipped if there is something more pressing that needs to be done.

But amother Amethyst (not me, btw) is entirely correct that if you let the entire Yom Kippur pass by without serious contemplation and verbal confession of what you are doing wrong and your plans to do better, you were mevatel a mitzvas asei d'Oraisa.

If a mother spends the entire Yom Kippur putting her children to sleep, feeding them, playing with them and reading with them, but did not make time for teshuva and at least one vidui, she did a lot of lovely things but she did not fulfill this mitzvah. (She also missed out on the chance to receive the special kapara of Yom Kippur that comes with its itzumo shel Yom.)

It can be hard to figure out how to accomplish genuine teshuva on Yom Kippur, with the distractions of our children and fasting, and without the support structures of shul davening. But it is something that we have to push ourselves to do, just as we push ourselves to make it to shul on Rosh Hashana for shofar.
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