Possible to sleep train a 6 month old baby without crying?

amother

Starflower

Thu, Oct 06 2022, 3:38 pm

amother DarkCyan wrote:

Most healthy babies do not need to feed during the night once they are 4-5 months old. Confirm this with your pediatrician, of course. But once they're at that point, they're only waking up during the night to feed because they're used to that routine, not because they actually need to feed. Changing their routine is the key, and sleep training them is the best way to do that. It'll take a few nights of crying, but after that, they should be happily sleeping through the night.

I personally think it's better to do it when they're younger rather than older, because they won't have the same attachment issues.

We did this with all our kids, and they have all been sleeping beautifully through the night from the time they were 3-4 months old.

Please don’t listen to this. Never let a baby CIO before 6 months. CIO experts always say after 6 months. And don’t listen to that ether. Never let a baby CIO. It’s neglectful at best and cruel at worst.

amother

Goldenrod

Thu, Oct 06 2022, 3:44 pm

amother Starflower wrote:

Op,
Please don’t let your baby cry it out. It’s awful advice.
Regular CIO, Ferber … it’s all neglect.
It’s really so painful to read all this advice.
Read the No Cry To Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. Good luck!

I don't know what the answer for OP is
I tried the No Cry Solution for my twins because I very much did not want to sleep train but I was doing it for a few weeks and my baby was still waking up 2-3 times a night. So I resorted to regular sleep training even though it was something I really hadn't wanted to do but we needed it for the sanity of our family.

amother

DarkCyan

Thu, Oct 06 2022, 3:44 pm

amother Starflower wrote:

Thanks for informing me that I'm a neglectful and cruel parent for giving my children the ability to learn how to self soothe, become happy, independent sleepers who are always well rested, giving me and my husband the chance to get the sleep we need so we can be fully functioning, responsible parents, all because we let our children cry for 30-45 minutes for literally 3 nights of their lives.

amother

Magenta

Thu, Oct 06 2022, 3:49 pm

amother Lightpink wrote:

You will have a LOT less crying in the long run if you let him cry for half a week. On his part and yours.

Also, 6 months is the optimum age.

You’re doing no favour to him by not allowing him to learn to self-soothe.

If you can’t do it, let your husband try.

Letting a 6 month old cry doesn't teach them to sleep soothe.
It teaches them that their mother, the person in the world they rely on for everything, will ignore them because society said they shouldn't be hungry at this age and they should learn to sleep at this age.

How horrible.

You are doing your child a huge favor by responding to their cries and showing them that you are there for them.
You are their mommy, you should be soothing their cries

amother

Lightpink

Thu, Oct 06 2022, 3:55 pm

amother Magenta wrote:

Ok. Thank you for your take. Kindly remember that different people have different approaches, and that shouldn’t offend you.

amother

Starflower

Thu, Oct 06 2022, 3:57 pm

amother DarkCyan wrote:

Do your research. I’m sure you mean well but it’s really not as simple as your presenting it.

amother

DarkCyan

Thu, Oct 06 2022, 3:58 pm

amother Magenta wrote:

Right. Because you know what goes on in the mind of a 6 month old baby.
I wonder how on earth my kids still love me and are perfectly happy, healthy, and well-adjusted, considering I was, according to most of you, such a mean, horrible hag who was nothing more than a cruel, neglectful beast to my poor, innocent children?

amother

Starflower

Thu, Oct 06 2022, 3:59 pm

amother Magenta wrote:

This!

tichellady

Thu, Oct 06 2022, 4:06 pm

amother Magenta wrote:

this doesn’t make sense because sleep trained children do cry for their parents help all the time during the day and if they are sick at night etc. it doesn’t work like that.

amother

Lily

Thu, Oct 06 2022, 4:37 pm

I did sleep training at 9 months for one child. My husband held her until she fell sleep (5-10 minutes) she woke up 3 times. Then she woke up once the next night and we let her cry 5 minutes. She self soothed and fell asleep. By the third night she was not waking up. This was a child who was being weaned. And eating food. Every child has different needs. My sister nurses until 2-3 depending on the child. They sleep in a crib but she takes them to her bed to nurse. She does baby led weaning. The last child was toilet trained around the same time she stopped nursing. I don't think she is crazy but I could never do it. I don't think any of these methods are abusive.

amother

Moccasin

Thu, Oct 06 2022, 4:52 pm

amother Magenta wrote:

Then why do they still cry?
If my child cried when he was 6 months. Why does he still cry to me months and years later? My 2 yr old paci fell today and he cried mommy mommy pick it up. Yesterday he came to me and said mommy give me a hug. He trusts me even though I let him cry sometimes.

BatZion

Thu, Oct 06 2022, 5:08 pm

amother Moccasin wrote:

Don't you think there's a difference between a baby under a year crying because he has no other way to express his hunger/fear of being alone and a toddler crying because his pacifier fell from his mouth?

Imo, we've lost a lot of our natural mothering instincts in our generation. We're too busy trying to find the "right" method, the "right" parenting mentor, and the "right" sleep coach. We're not even capable of looking within ourselves and feeling and knowing what is right for our children.

We want our children to sleep through the night asap because we have busy, busy lives, and we "need" our sleep.

Did our grandmothers and great-grandmothers have less busy lives?

And let's say we have much more on our heads- work, family, etc. than they did- does this make methods like CIO right?

Honestly, I think CIO IS wrong. I feel it's wrong and I've read enough and heard enough to support that feeling. I don't think people who do it are horrible hags, or however the mother above described herself. I DO think mothers who do it are squashing their natural mothering instincts. Sorry, there's a reason the baby's crying makes you cringe!

amother

Lightpink

Thu, Oct 06 2022, 5:27 pm

My baby goes to bed happily, wakes up happily, and is happy and friendly all day. He is very very fond of his mommy and his mommy adores him and dotes on him with too much love. He is far from abused. I do my housework while he sleeps because I’m too distracted by his antics during the day. I don’t put him to bed with selfish intentions. Since learning how to sleep he has become so much happier throughout the day. It’s clear to me that we did the right thing for him. Why should he be groggy and miserable for months and years when he can fix it in 3 days?

This is clearly controversial but there is no need for aggression, belittlement, or hatred.

mushkamothers

Thu, Oct 06 2022, 5:39 pm

There's a lot of misinformation on this thread

Here are some facts

1. Sleep is a biological norm. You can't teach a baby how to sleep. That whole "skills for life" thing is a myth. You can do sleep routines and habits but you literally can't teach a human how to sleep. They knew how to sleep in utero right?

2. "It won't damage attachment bc they're younger" that's literally not how attachment works

3. Your 6month old learns how to "self soothe" ... again that's a myth. Their brain isn't developed enough for that. They learn to calm down by us calming them down

4. "If you sleep train you're a horrible mother and abusive." Not exactly bc life isn't that extreme.

5. "My kids are perfect and love me even though I let them for cry for hours without responding." Again you need to understand how attachment issues work and how trauma surfaces later. Because by definition you don't see those things.

6. "Babies don't need food at 6m old" I mean my 20m who wears 2T absolutely doesn't still need to be nursing in the night but clearly he likes to. Nursing is not just nutrition. And also yes they do take in nighttime nutrition at 6m.

Op there are other methods. That work. There is a medium before letting a baby cry, on purpose, for any amount of time on the clock. Don't do that especially if you're paying someone to tell you to do that.

BTW, that whole "if you can't do it, let your husband do it". There's a reason a mother can't listen to her child cry. We go into physiological distress. What does it do to our neural wiring to train ourselves not to respond to our children? Gabor mate speaks about this as a trauma to the mother.

As an aside. If you sleep trained your child and you swear by it. You shouldn't be feeling defensive. You did the right thing, right? I don't get the animosity. I am here defending the helpless baby and informing the uneducated mother. You are... defending yourself?

You should never have to defend your own parenting decisions. You should make informed ones that you can always proudly stand behind. Even if I don't agree with it. You deserve to make fully confident decisions that work for you and your family.

Last edited by mushkamothers on Thu, Oct 06 2022, 5:42 pm; edited 1 time in total

BatZion

Thu, Oct 06 2022, 5:42 pm

I have no doubt that women who use CIO methods have happy, healthy children.
I don't think such children are abused. No, that's a lie. I actually do think it's abuse when a small baby is allowed to cry for an hour.
I still stand by my opinion that we're super-duper excellent at squishing our natural mothering instincts when we let our babies cry it out.
It's possible that they will have to cry at some point when we want them to stop feeding through the night etc but to do it before the age of a year and to claim that they don't "need" to eat. Nah, I don't buy it. And I don't care how many "professionals endorse, encourage or explain.
This is the type of subject that we'll have to agree to disagree on.
No descriptions of how your babies are so happy, well-adjusted, etc, will make me think CIO is a good thing to do, and probably no amount of me describing just how awfully wrong it is in my eyes will make the mothers who believe in it stop doing it either.
You do you, and I'll do me, I guess...

BatZion

Thu, Oct 06 2022, 5:43 pm

mushkamothers wrote:

You, my dear, win this thread. I know, I know it's not about winning but ya know what I mean...