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Forum -> Household Management -> Finances

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amother

Thu, Nov 10 2022, 4:10 am

My children are very lucky to have generous UTMA accounts. My daughter about to enter shidduchim has around $70,000. Because of the way these accounts are set up, the money is in her name and belongs to her.

Is it strange to ask for a prenup before she gets married. On the one hand, I would hate for a bad marriage to end with her losing half that money. On the other, what a strange thing to ask for!

Thoughts?

imaima

Thu, Nov 10 2022, 4:12 am

amother OP wrote:

I think everyone does prenups now.
I would do one.

amother

Zinnia

Thu, Nov 10 2022, 5:02 am

It's her money in her name let her keep it that way

essie14

Thu, Nov 10 2022, 6:03 am

All of my friends who came into marriage with anything of value have pre nups.
ETA: I and a lot of people I know got married above 35 and already owned a house or apartment.

amother

Lightyellow

Thu, Nov 10 2022, 6:13 am

Interesting. I came into my marriage BH with a lot more than that. And yes I owned a home. I didn’t do a prenup. It didn’t occur to me/us. I can’t see it’s not smart, I’m sure it is. I just found engagement to be such a wild time with so much emotion and so much to do that it escaped me. Or else I thought prenups were for the truly wealthy and not me

amother

Orchid

Thu, Nov 10 2022, 6:31 am

My undersanding is if she comes in to a marriage having that money (it is not earned during the marriage) it is not marital property subject to distribution upon divorce. If she would get it after their married that's another story.

Why volunteer she has that money? it's in her own account. If the marriage works out, and they stay together, she can tell him about it later.

amother

Lemon

Thu, Nov 10 2022, 7:42 am

Do people with relatively small assets (op says it's under 100k) really do prenups?

Can people who do say what circles they're in?

amother

Lemon

Thu, Nov 10 2022, 7:48 am

Just to be clear, I'm not dismissing $100k, just assumed prenuptial were for very large amounts, businesses.

Moonlight

Thu, Nov 10 2022, 7:52 am

amother Orchid wrote:

I do NOT like the idea of starting a marriage with secrets. How awful

amother

Blueberry

Thu, Nov 10 2022, 9:15 am

It is theoretically true that assets that belonged to one spouse before marriage still *belong* to that spouse after marriage as do inheritances.

The reality is that it is not so simple in a divorce situation when the parties are hostile and negotiating custody and money and using whatever leverage they have.

Also money starts to get intermingled. For example, what if the money is used to fund a down payment for a house? If the parties divorce, how are proceeds from sale handled? Or is a sale required. This is true if parties divorce relatively soon because any payments for the mortgage really do nothing to pay down the principal.

Also how are the parties going to handle living expenses in general? Will they use money from assets to pay for living expenses?

A real benefit of a prenup is that it enables both spouses to get on the same page regarding how they are going to handle finances and even basic funding of their living expenses.

And don't some women use it in order to ensure that a get isn't held over their head?

amother

Darkblue

Thu, Nov 10 2022, 9:23 am

Finding it interesting that several people are saying they had prenups. It’s not typical or the norm at all in my (heimish) community. I definitely hear the logic in wanting it but I can see boys and their parents getting turned on by it.

amother

Cerise

Thu, Nov 10 2022, 9:53 am

You may want to consult with an attorney about whether you even need a prenup to protect such an asset. Depending on state law, it may be that the default is sufficient.

essie14

Thu, Nov 10 2022, 10:12 am

Prenups are best done when you're in love and starry-eyed.
Totally true story : my good friend was engaged to a guy, some people had doubts about him but she was very intent in going through with it. A halachic prenup is standard in our circles and she had her lawyer tie it together with her assets (she owned a nice apartment for years before she met him), and he had debts that she didn't want to get involved with.
She told me at the time, "he'll sign whatever I want him to." And he did, BH.
After 6 months the marriage went very sour and BH BH she was able to receive her get quickly 100% due to the halachic prenup and he was not able to claim her apartment or anything else that was stipulated in their prenup.
She said she's 100% sure she would have been an aguna without the halachic prenup and thankfully he couldn't touch her assets.

amother

Cadetblue

Thu, Nov 10 2022, 10:18 am

Prenups are definitely growing more accepted.

Ima_Shelli

Thu, Nov 10 2022, 10:25 am

amother Cadetblue wrote:

Prenups are definitely growing more accepted.

And they should be…

essie14

Thu, Nov 10 2022, 11:28 am

amother Lemon wrote:

Do people with relatively small assets (op says it's under 100k) really do prenups?

Can people who do say what circles they're in?

Totally.
As I said above I have many friends who own property before marriage. If something were to happen, why would a woman want her ex-husband to force her to sell her house that she paid for so he could have half ?
It could be a small condo. But everyone should protect themselves.

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