Bullying | Imamother

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children

Bullying

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amother

Tue, Nov 15 2022, 6:43 am

So I just found out that my 1st grader is being picked on and teased by some of his classmates.
What would you expect from the school/teachers in such a case?

amother

Seashell

Tue, Nov 15 2022, 6:56 am

That's young
Call the teacher and admin alert them to the situation and ask them how they plan to address and resolve it
Hugs and hatzlocha

amother

Mintcream

Tue, Nov 15 2022, 7:00 am

I would expect them to keep an eye on it always even at recess.
I would expect them to put themselves between the bullies and target without making either feel like their dignity is compromised.
I'd expect them to partner with me in building the tools my child needs not to be a target.

As a parent you should watch Rabbi Riettie series on bullying. He has a YouTube channel. It's very good.

Rosanna

Tue, Nov 15 2022, 7:01 am

I'm so sorry to hear this. So painful for the child, and possibly even more so for the mom.

I would want to know that every mother of every bully has been contacted and filled in on the situation.

I would like all bullies to be kept in for recess so they can write apology notes to my kid.

Lastly I would like the school to enforce having the bullies suspended from school if they continue to bully. If the problem persists I would like to see the bullies permanently removed, or only allowed back after their behaviour has been professionally remediated. Unfortunately what happens more commonly is that the kids being bullied leave the school because the situation becomes unbearable, which is an absolute travesty.

Hatzlocha!

amother

Seashell

Tue, Nov 15 2022, 8:08 am

Izzy Kalman has some good approaches to stopping bullying.

amother

Vanilla

Tue, Nov 15 2022, 8:12 am

It doesn't have to be a bully/victim situation. Kids don't have great social skills. They are forward and direct and frankly sometimes mean.
Start by listening to our son and getting as much info on the situation as you can. What happened? What happened before that? which kids were there? Then call the teacher, explain what your son said and listen to her. Often things are different then it sounds.
Ask her what the plan could be moving forward. More supervision, she should talk to those kids, seat change, whatever it is that would keep your child safe.

As a mother do whatever it takes to ensure your child is safe in school. At the same time it's important to not turn him into a victim. Like "oy nebach, these kids are so bad blah blah blah." Rather empower him. "who is a nice boy that can be your friend? Let's call him over to play on Sunday." Make it clear that you will take care of the issue and you are taking him seriously. But sometimes if the parent over reacts and makes a huge deal and every day asks the kid "was everyone nice to you, did someone bother you today?" then kid turns into a victim....

amother

Seashell

Tue, Nov 15 2022, 8:19 am

Yes definitely look into what has been proven to work.
and only that
some commonsensical approaches do not help -- use only evidence based approaches proven to get results

Chayalle

Tue, Nov 15 2022, 8:21 am

Rosanna wrote:

As someone who experienced bullying as a child, and who has been in that situation as a parent, I still feel (reading this) that this is not geared to first graders. This is for older bullies.....

First graders aren't up to writing apology notes (I'm on the fence about whether a forced verbal apology is appropriate) and suspending them would not be effective.

Adequate supervision and separating the bully from their target is probably the most appropriate at this age (and of course, informing the parents and letting them know they will be expected to help the situation if it persists. I do agree if the bullying persists, therapy for the child (and sometimes the parents, to help the child) should be mandated by the school as a condition for continued attendance.)

amother

Dandelion

Tue, Nov 15 2022, 8:39 am

Sorry OP, I have no advice. But know this, you are the ONLY advocate for your young helpless child. Nobody cares except the parents, so do everything in your power to help her.

amother

Oatmeal

Tue, Nov 15 2022, 9:10 am

I'm not experienced in bullying but I've been a parent for long enough...

A first grader feeling bullied doesn't mean the other child is a bully, you may have a personality clash for example a sensitive child with an outspoken impulsive child. I would discuss with school staff to hear what they see & take it from there.

If you know the parent or even not I would not hesitate to speak to them but it needs to be a friendly non-confrontational conversation. I received a call like this for my kindergardener, you bet my kid stopped the behavior! I was so grateful because otherwise I had no idea that my kid offended someone.

amother

Seablue

Tue, Nov 15 2022, 9:13 am

amother Oatmeal wrote:

Are you seriouse????
Wow denial much? I hope this isn’t your repsonce to your child when they come home that they feel bullied wow!

Op I’m sorry about your son my child was bullied as week when he was a bit older and it’s such a horrible feeling sending hugs.

amother

Snowflake

Tue, Nov 15 2022, 9:46 am

amother Seashell wrote:

Izzy Kalman has some good approaches to stopping bullying.

I like his approach too. I'm not sure if it's appropriate for a 6yr old. Do you have experience with it for such a young child?

amother

Tue, Nov 15 2022, 9:54 am

Thanks for all the replies. I have a lot to think about.

Just clarifying I actually heard about the situation from a staff member so I know it is actually happening the way I heard it.

amother

Sunflower

Tue, Nov 15 2022, 11:21 am

Did your child ever mention it ?
What is it that they are actually doing to your child?
I have found that people overuse the word bully. Find out if it is truly bullying or if it was just child play that wasn’t intended to harm.
If it was child play, it’s good to still address it. But be careful when labeling a child especially a young one a bully.

amother

Oatmeal

Tue, Nov 15 2022, 12:31 pm

amother Seablue wrote:

It's not denial, it's called being level headed & finding out details before labeling a child a bully & ruining them for life. & not even helping your child in the process. That's all.

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