Moving overseas with an 11yo

amother

Mon, Nov 21 2022, 9:49 am

We are seriously considering moving overseas but I am worried about how it would affect our oldest DD who would be 11 at the time of the move.

The country we would move to is where I'm originally from and while our children have visited, they have never lived there.

Has anyone made an overseas move with a child of that age? How did it work out? What problems were there?

amother

Lily

Mon, Nov 21 2022, 10:00 am

If you're really serious about it and it will eventually happen, do it now. Sooner rather than later. The older the kids get, the harder it will be for them to adapt. 11 is still young enough, but just about. I wouldn't wait any longer, if you're serious about it.

amother

Fern

Mon, Nov 21 2022, 10:28 am

We made aliya with kids of all ages. What I learned is that age isn't the determining factor in how well you acclimate. It's the child's personality. Some kids naturally adapt and roll with the punches, and some don't. So long as they feel secure and supported, they will eventually do well. You may have to weather a tough period. Obviously, we though Israel was worth it.

amother

Tue, Nov 22 2022, 4:31 am

amother Geranium wrote:

Is there a language difference?
That's a biggie

Yes. She is bilingual but the new school would be in a different language and a different system than her current school.

If we ended up not moving, she would anyway be going to a different school in September although obviously doing so in a different country would be a bigger change.

amother wrote:

What learned is that age isn't the determining factor in how well you acclimate. It's the child's personality. Some kids naturally adapt and roll with the punches, and some don't.

This DD is extremely adaptable and has a very positive and optimistic outlook. She has always been quite confident but she is now at the age where I feel as if she is becoming a bit more insecure. I'm concerned about her going to a new school in an unfamiliar country and now being accepted because she is different. She is already not having a good experience in the school she is at here because it's a difficult year group with a small number of girls and they're very cliquey, so I don't want her to go from one difficult situation to another.

Is there anything I can do now to ease the transistion? She has spoken to her cousin of the same age about the differences in the school systems and she likes the idea of the school there, but obviously there are going to be some challenges and differences that she won't have anticipted.

myname1

Tue, Nov 22 2022, 4:44 am

I have no experience, but it sounds like she will bez"H do fine! She is a flexible kid, has a cousin there, is familiar with the place, knows the language, isn't thrilled with where she is now, and likes the idea of going there. Kol hakavod to you for taking her comfort seriously in your decision making. It really sounds like she'll do well. I wish you hatzlacha in this and everything else!

amother

Tue, Nov 22 2022, 7:33 am

amother Anemone wrote:

Does she want to move?
Are the kids on board with the idea of moving?

There's really no way they can understand everything it entails. Most their ideas centre around school so they'll say things like they like the idea of the shorter school day there but they'll miss the longer school holiday here. They'll like seeing more of their grandparents there but they'll miss their grandparents here.

One thing that's giving us all problems now is that we need a much larger house. Getting that here (which we'll do if we don't move) or there if we move will improve everyone's lives immeasurably but we have to commit one way or another.

I believe that overall, our lives would be much better there, but inevitably there will be challenges and I don't want the kids to resent the move because of it. The difficulties if staying here are and will be greater, but the kids are used to it and accept it.

myname1

Tue, Nov 22 2022, 9:04 am

Nothing is perfect and your kids seem to get that B"H. You say it'll be better for you there, so I think you should go. (Little old me who knows nothing about you or where you are or where you are going...) There are drawbacks of course. If you try to stay positive and appreciate what you're gaining, I think your kids will follow your lead. If they mention they miss their grandparents they left behind, you can commiserate that that is sad, we miss them, we can't wait to see them. If they say "Oh no! I didn't know there's no summer vacation!" whatever... they'll get over it. Try to help everyone see the benefits, and I think they will just accept the package.

amother

Tue, Nov 22 2022, 10:01 am

myname1 wrote:

I think your kids will follow your lead. If they mention they miss their grandparents they left behind, you can commiserate that that is sad, we miss them, we can't wait to see them. If they say "Oh no! I didn't know there's no summer vacation!" whatever... they'll get over it. Try to help everyone see the benefits, and I think they will just accept the package.

I meant that these are the advantages and disadvantages as they see them because those are the things they can relate to but the real advantages and disadvantages are things they can't understand at their age.