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Forum
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-> Simcha Section
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amother
OP
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 Wed, Nov 23 2022, 12:47 am
Dd will iyh soon be starting shidduchim. Dh and I are wondering what to anticipate expense wise for wedding, sheva brachas, and setting up apartment. If any really organized people just married off and are the type to document it all in an excel sheet, or just know numbers offhand, please help me out!
To give some background:
Typical Lakewood, mid level financially comfortable. I don’t buy clothing in Gemach’s but I don’t buy crazy expensive either. Middle of the road decent. Same with linen, housewares etc.
So, lock stock and barrel, what to expect to spend on:
Wedding night hall, caterer, party planner, photographer, music, etc. gowns, hair, makeup
Sheva brachas clothing, wigs, shoes
Apartment set up, linen, dishes, pots, small appliances, utensils, all kitchen, items, towels, some furniture,
Chosson gifts
Shabbos sheva brachas in local hall, putting people up by neighbors guest rooms so hostess packages, gifts for hosts
Hiring help like babysitter for week of simcha, maybe extra car service expenses so my teens can help with errands
What else am I forgetting?
When we ask people we get such different numbers. One really frugal person will get so much by Gemach’s, do takana wedding, do basic apartment set up, no frills, cheap linen. Others will get top of the line in everything, expenses are sky high. What’s middle of the road, getting decent quality and practical, not super luxury for all mentioned above?
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DrMom
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Wed, Nov 23 2022, 12:55 am
Wow, you are already budgeting for car services for kids the week of the wedding, and your DD has not even started shidduchim yet.
I must say you are very organized.
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amother
Bronze
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Wed, Nov 23 2022, 12:59 am
I would say 20 to 25 thousand dollars
We just made a wedding BH cost was about 20k all in. We did save where we could, gemach dresses, package for starting home , one good wig, one cheap fall, etc
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amother
Mocha
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Wed, Nov 23 2022, 1:09 am
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Rappel
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Wed, Nov 23 2022, 1:16 am
You're a good mom.
I would say that whatever you can save up, is a good amount. If that's $5,000, or $105,000, you're still doing good by your daughter and any other children you'll marry off later.
At the end of the day, your daughter needs a chatan, a prutah, and two witnesses to be married off in the most kadosh and mechubad manner. Anything else is dependent on her/your personal priorities.
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SG18
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Wed, Nov 23 2022, 2:18 am
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Do people not make registries by you? We got all of "linen, dishes, pots, small appliances, utensils, all kitchen, items, towels, some furniture" from family/friends
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amother
Stoneblue
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Wed, Nov 23 2022, 2:34 am
So far one person said 20k another said 70k. Thats going to be this entire thread. 
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amother
Oldlace
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Wed, Nov 23 2022, 3:13 am
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My friend’s sister just made a wedding (a daughter) and it was 50k for everything. Lakewood, same type as you.
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amother
Babyblue
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Wed, Nov 23 2022, 3:26 am
| amother Oldlace wrote: | | My friend’s sister just made a wedding (a daughter) and it was 50k for everything. Lakewood, same type as you. |
How do you know what your friend's sister spent? Do people discuss this in real life?
Obviously not in my real life, that's why I'm surprised. I've talked to people about where to buy X or which caterer to use, but I've never given anyone a full budget. And no one's ever told me what they spent.
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amother
Oldlace
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Wed, Nov 23 2022, 4:03 am
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It came up because my daughter is dating. We’re close friends.
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amother
Babyblue
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Wed, Nov 23 2022, 4:31 am
| amother Oldlace wrote: | | It came up because my daughter is dating. We’re close friends. |
Makes sense. I'm glad you have such helpful friends, and hope you plan your daughter's wedding in the right time, to the right person!
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amother
Freesia
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Wed, Nov 23 2022, 6:53 am
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amother
Catmint
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Wed, Nov 23 2022, 6:57 am
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I just made a bar mitzvah.. a beautiful affair but not top top of the line.. a smallish kiddush and meals on Shabbos for our siblings who came for Shabbos. It was about 30k 🙈 prices have gone up.. I can’t imagine what we’d pay for a wedding
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amother
Freesia
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Wed, Nov 23 2022, 6:58 am
| amother Catmint wrote: | | I just made a bar mitzvah.. a beautiful affair but not top top of the line.. a smallish kiddush and meals on Shabbos for our siblings who came for Shabbos. It was about 30k 🙈 prices have gone up.. I can’t imagine what we’d pay for a wedding |
Last bar mitzva cost me 8k I’m now making again hoping for 10k
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amother
Cobalt
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Wed, Nov 23 2022, 7:01 am
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From the day your daughter gets engaged until the last sheva brachos for a family of 7 kids it was roughly 100k. Prices have sky rocketed and was nothing fancy but nothing very simple just regular.
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Chickensoupprof
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Wed, Nov 23 2022, 7:02 am
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At least 50 sheep or 25 camels.
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amother
Brickred
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Wed, Nov 23 2022, 7:16 am
No one in Lakewood takes camels. They are above that. They all want cows.
Also I heard people started giving a few
Chicken to start the couple off with breakfast for a while. A lot chassidish ideas have come into the Lakewood community
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amother
OP
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Wed, Nov 23 2022, 7:17 am
Op here
Thanks for the responses. Yes dh and I try to anticipate expenses in advance. I make a list of purchases I need to make a couple of months before Pesach, note down approximate pricing that seems fair, tally up a total. The dh and I decide if we should cut anything, go cheaper with some. When I Shop I try to stick to the numbers I estimated but it’s not exact. Or if I budget 150 for a teen girl Shabbos outfit, and she falls in love with one at 200, I say ok, but then second outfit needs to be 100. Or get cheaper shoes, etc.
So yeah things like car services for teens week of wedding are one of the small extras that add up, and suddenly your 5k over budget and all the random small things that weren’t anticipated.
But I know with a wedding there will be a huge range of budgets but this is still helpful. Thank you.
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Bnei Berak 10
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Wed, Nov 23 2022, 7:19 am
Didn't we see recently re. BM? Prices seemed to vary greatly between OOT and non-OOT.
I guess there's also a difference between mechutenistes family size, if they are cooperative people or not, their ideas of expenses and if they live close to your or far away (think flight tickets and accommodation) as well as your own family size.
Are you a family who doesn't care what the Joneses do or are you sensitive to what people will say or think?
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amother
Burntblack
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Wed, Nov 23 2022, 7:48 am
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We made 3 bm b"h, two were around $3,000 each, the third was $1,000 because it was during covid. They were all beautiful simchas and not nebach-y, although certainly not fancy.
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