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My Feelings on Family Size



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amother
OP


 

Post Wed, Nov 23 2022, 10:29 am
The other thread got me thinking... and I have many thoughts. So here goes!

I feel like every child is a precious neshama, a gem entrusted to our care. Accepting this responsibility means ensuring you are giving your all to your child: making sure they are nourished with care and love, working on yourself and developing the right chinuch to be able to raise them into healthy, happy adults that are well aware of their purpose in this world (a rarity today's days), and able to bring future beautiful generations down.

I believe Hashem wants his precious neshamas to get cared for properly, not ch"v neglected or overlooked because there is so much on a parents plate they are collapsing.
Contrary to popular belief, much abuse and neglect occurs because parents are OVERWHELMED. Not because they are bad people.
Even when parents are able to keep things semi-together while dividing themselves between so many children and duties, it is a common sense, mathematical equation that each kid gets much less from their parents - in the best case scenario.

Furthermore, I respect myself and my body, and I know the limitations Hashem has given me. I am practicing the mitzvah of vnishmartem me'od by not entering pregnancies before I feel fully physically and emotionally capable of it.

The gemara says it used to take 3 years until a womans body recuperated from birth, and only then would they get their periods. That means they had 4 year breaks!!!

The common consensus is that nowadays our bodies are much weaker and thats why our periods come back sooner, allowing us to get pregnant sooner. However, that's not Hashems original design for us.
There is NO mitzvah in the Torah to have many children. There is a mitzvah to have a boy and girl and many hold their mitzvah is complete after.
However, definitely every neshama that you are CAPABLE of bringing down and caring for brings more bracha into your life and the world.

Unfortunately there are so many broken people todays days. So many mothers on pills because they aren't holding it together being pressured by rav to get off BC quicker than they are ready. So much healing needs to happen that people don't have the time or money for because they are consumed with caring for large families.

Also, the idea of "more, more" takes away from the value of each single child. Imagine getting an expensive, beautiful piece of jewelry, and immediately you say "I want more!" Its clear that you aren't appreciating the beautiful gift you were given!!

Each child is a diamond. So precious, so much to offer. And they need so much of us!! Let's keep the focus on raising and connecting fully to each of our children to the best of our ability, and having as many as we feel fully capable of while respecting our human limits, rather than constantly trying to bring "more and more" down.

THE END Very Happy

(Saying this as a childhood victim of abuse and neglect. Right now I have 4 kids ke"h and hoping for more when I am ready, however the struggles that I've been through and the amount of personal work I've done and still need to do to be a happy mother is enormous. Just for context.)
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amother
Mocha


 

Post Wed, Nov 23 2022, 10:37 am
HKB"H has given parents the abilities to raise children. Each set of parents should decide (with advice from their Daas Torah) whats best for them. Every single couple has different circumstances. Nobody should judge your decisions and you shouldn't judge anyone else's decisions.
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amother
Magenta


 

Post Wed, Nov 23 2022, 10:56 am
I think part of the reason periods return sooner is that food is not scarce anymore. Aside from the natural tendency of breastfeeding to directly suppress ovulation, it also requires an additional 400-600 calories or so per day. During a time when women might have struggled to get 1500-2000 calories to eat and also likely expended more energy on manual tasks, I imagine that many women's periods took longer to return simply due to the nutritional lack.
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amother
Canary


 

Post Wed, Nov 23 2022, 11:05 am
amother OP wrote:
The gemara says it used to take 3 years until a womans body recuperated from birth, and only then would they get their periods. That means they had 4 year breaks!!!



It's interesting because my (yeshivish) Rav said that women used to nurse clean, and on average they nursed for at least 2 years. He had no problem giving a 2-year heter, for sure if I was nursing.
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amother
Canary


 

Post Wed, Nov 23 2022, 11:06 am
amother Mocha wrote:
HKB"H has given parents the abilities to raise children. Each set of parents should decide (with advice from their Daas Torah) whats best for them. Every single couple has different circumstances. Nobody should judge your decisions and you shouldn't judge anyone else's decisions.


This works when children's needs are being at least basically met. When I see total dysfunction in a large family (there's a family like that in my neighborhood) then yes I am most definitely judging.
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amother
Hibiscus


 

Post Wed, Nov 23 2022, 11:14 am
IIRC Gemara assumes a woman will breastfeed for 2 years, so 3 years between babies Smile there are rabbonim who hold that women have a heter for birth control for 2 years postpartum for this reason.

As for why we get our periods earlier than in the past, it's a combination of different parts. Choosing to formula feed, night weaning too early (such as when sleep training), not nursing on demand/waiting too long between nursing sessions, weaning at the advice of a pediatrician or dentist. We're not "weaker," we just aren't as in tune with our bodies as women used to be (hence why today many rabbonim say that a hargasha never happens or is extremely rare) and-- capitalism. We're forced to work, to have to leave the home, to make ends meet, or to keep our jobs (6 weeks of maternity leave in the US). We're conditioned that night wakings aren't normal (even though if you ask nearly any adult and ask if they wake up at night, they'd say yes) and that we simply must spend money on all of these gadgets and classes to help our baby sleep through the night because that's what a "normal" baby does, right?
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amother
Eggplant


 

Post Wed, Nov 23 2022, 11:19 am
amother Hibiscus wrote:
IIRC Gemara assumes a woman will breastfeed for 2 years, so 3 years between babies Smile there are rabbonim who hold that women have a heter for birth control for 2 years postpartum for this reason.

As for why we get our periods earlier than in the past, it's a combination of different parts. Choosing to formula feed, night weaning too early (such as when sleep training), not nursing on demand/waiting too long between nursing sessions, weaning at the advice of a pediatrician or dentist. We're not "weaker," we just aren't as in tune with our bodies as women used to be (hence why today many rabbonim say that a hargasha never happens or is extremely rare) and-- capitalism. We're forced to work, to have to leave the home, to make ends meet, or to keep our jobs (6 weeks of maternity leave in the US). We're conditioned that night wakings aren't normal (even though if you ask nearly any adult and ask if they wake up at night, they'd say yes) and that we simply must spend money on all of these gadgets and classes to help our baby sleep through the night because that's what a "normal" baby does, right?

Excuse my ignorance. What is hargasha?
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imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 23 2022, 11:22 am
amother Eggplant wrote:
Excuse my ignorance. What is hargasha?


The ability to accurately feel menstrual flow, even before you see it.
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amother
Outerspace


 

Post Wed, Nov 23 2022, 12:32 pm
As far as I know a heter is to bypass an issur.

Can someone bring me an issur to take birth control?
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