How do I handle this type of behaviour? Update...

chelsealew

Tue, Nov 08 2022, 4:43 pm

amother OP wrote:

Thank you so much experienced mommys.
There are noother playgroups in my area, it was so hard finding this one.
They provide lunch and snacks throughout the day

2 morahs, 10 kids.
I went today and the morah was like "she had a really good day today" .... I asked if shes taking food from other kids plates still and she said that my daughter is seated at a table with kids spaced farther apart from her. And then shes like "we have two kids that are teething and biting so I just want to keep your daughter away from them so she doesnt get hurt"

And when she says services she means EI. Like that aint helping the kid whos hurting other kids.

I spoke to my friend who also sends there and her son came home with scratches too. ugh.

Should I leave it for now? Both my husband and I mentioned things to her. My husband spoke by drop off and I spoke by pick up...

Are you working? If you need to send her out, maybe you could find a babysitter and share with one or two other babies?
That's a very good ratio, but I don't like how the morah is excusing something that is her job to be on top of. It's so hard as a first time mother to go with your gut and do what's right for your child. I've been through similar, and I really wish I'd just pulled out of the bad playgroup situation and figured something else out.

amother

Tue, Nov 08 2022, 4:47 pm

chelsealew wrote:

Of course I work! Thats why she goes out Wink

It was really ok until the last few weeks. My daughter enjoys going she always walks into school and gives her morah a hug. My daughter is also teething but she doesnt bite!

amother

DarkGray

Tue, Nov 08 2022, 4:50 pm

I have a small preschool (I’m the director and I hire a teacher). We had an issue with a kid that was biting. The kids she bit got into her space, they were actually 22 months like your daughter. There’s nothing wrong with their behavior though, they are just toddlers! After it happened 3x, I hired someone to shadow the biting child for 1-2 weeks (1 week ended up being sufficient BH). I very kindly offered to pay half and just swallow the expense, although I’m not sure I had to. Either way, it was our responsibility to make sure that the biting stopped. Whatever a toddler is doing, there’s no excuse for them to keep coming home with bite marks and scratches! True the teacher can’t watch them every moment, so another pair of hands needs to be called in. You shouldn’t let this continue.

amother

Junglegreen

Tue, Nov 08 2022, 5:03 pm

amother OP wrote:

I wish that the biting kids would have SEITS/paras.
Dont their mothers know their kids are hurting others? If my daughter was physical I would address it...

All the preschools/ playgroups I have sent to call the parents to come pick up kids who habitually bite. Does she have protocol for biting situations?

nechamashifra

Tue, Nov 08 2022, 7:08 pm

Code:

The other day she had a bite mark on her and I asked the morah what happened. She said a kid was playing in a toy station and my daughter tried playing with a toy he had and he bit her.

That's a weird response to your question. Your daughter should not be getting bitten and scratched on the daily. The Morah should have immediately told you about it and apologized that it happened on her watch. Not responded with "well she tried to take someone's toy" or "she's taking food from others' plates". She's a baby!

amother

Tue, Nov 08 2022, 7:57 pm

amother DarkGray wrote:

Wow, you sound like a really responsible morah and director! I so agree. I think the school needs to hire someone to shadow the biter. not fair for other kids to get hurt. or the kids mother should be more on top of it and get him OT for sensory stimulation

amother

Tue, Nov 08 2022, 7:59 pm

amother Junglegreen wrote:

All the preschools/ playgroups I have sent to call the parents to come pick up kids who habitually bite. Does she have protocol for biting situations?

Nothing that I know of. All she said was that the kid is "getting services" and they're keeping my daughter away from him.

BrisketBoss

Tue, Nov 08 2022, 8:04 pm

amother OP wrote:

Is it normal behaviour my daughter is taking food/toys from other kids? she does not take it maliciously.
She does not do this at home so I dont know how to address it with her. Shes otherwise a very sweet baby

Yes, that's normal. No need to address it at home--again, I am not sure how you would even begin to do that.

amother

Tue, Nov 08 2022, 8:06 pm

BrisketBoss wrote:

Yes, that's normal. No need to address it at home--again, I am not sure how you would even begin to do that.

Thanks Brisketboss!

Now my following vent is... these kids are babies, they cant express themselves, they get easily frustrated, I understand why they are resorting to anger/physical acts when my daughter is taking things from them. If the tables were reversed Id want my daughter to be able to stick up for herself... but on the other hand I think the scratching is a bit much....

nechamashifra

Tue, Nov 08 2022, 9:11 pm

amother OP wrote:

You’re talking about 2 year old babies as if they were adults at a restaurant. They’re babies acting like babies. They are not the problem! The adults who are supposed to be watching over them are.

amother

Candycane

Tue, Nov 08 2022, 9:20 pm

amother OP wrote:

The morah found a solution for the meal time though I thought.

amother

Tue, Nov 08 2022, 10:48 pm

amother Candycane wrote:

The morah found a solution for the meal time though I thought.

yes she put my daughter on a table with kids opposite her not next to her to stop her from taking food from others
but im worried about during playtime. its hard for a morah to be in more than one place so she cant always have eyes on my daughter

amother

Tue, Nov 08 2022, 10:48 pm

nechamashifra wrote:

true! just getting defensive of my daughter TMI

amother

Lime

Tue, Nov 08 2022, 11:52 pm

The only thing that springs to mind here is that maybe because your daughter is your oldest she isn't used to sharing toys and food with other people and hasn't picked up on what's mine and what's yours yet. Maybe at home she eats off everyone's plate. All the toys are only hers. Which isn't an issue at this age and is something she should be learning at playgroup but maybe is contributing to the problems at the babysitter. Not blaming her! and the hitting/biting is totally wrong. But if you are asking what you could do, you could role model this at home.

amother

Fri, Nov 25 2022, 12:48 pm

Hi everyone, any more insight for me?

Yesterday I dropped off DC to school and as I was hanging up her coat this kid went up to her and pushed her hard on the floor. She wasnt doing anything. The assistant grabbed DD up and kissed her and she was fine so I didnt rush over to give her a hug. At the end of the day the morah told me theyre keeping an eye on that boy and later in the day he kept trying to hug and kiss my daughter. I really dont want him anywhere near her, it seems he can snap and hit her at any minute.

Ive been reading about "normal" toddler behavior and seems that scratching, biting and pushing are age appropriate. Its the same kid in the class who keeps pushing the other kids. The morah has told the mother about her son. Besides the morah keeping an extra eye on these kids, if the kid qualifies for an IEP why isnt the mother getting her son a shadow or para. I mentioned it to the morah too.

The mother knows her son has bitten and hit other kids. I cant wrap my head around her not doing anything about it.

I cant pull my daughter out. There are no other playgroups and my daughter is happy there

amother

Junglegreen

Fri, Nov 25 2022, 12:53 pm

amother OP wrote:

What happened to the other kid that pushed your daughter?? Are there any consequences for his action?
I would honestly be up front about it and tell the morah if she cant do anything about it besides just "keeping an extra eye" I woupd have to try to find a new playgroup.

amother

Fri, Nov 25 2022, 12:55 pm

amother Junglegreen wrote:

She held him and put him in time out.
The time outs dont seem to help though if he keeps hitting kids.

At what point does behavior become normal toddler behavior and at what point is it not acceptable?

BrisketBoss

Fri, Nov 25 2022, 1:03 pm

amother OP wrote:

The boy should be stopped from hitting or should not be there. Of course the time outs don't work. Time outs are dumb.

'Normal toddler behavior' and 'not acceptable' are NOT contradictory terms.