How to shovel snow

GLUE

Sun, Nov 27 2022, 1:47 am

In every place I ever lived in, in the winter it snowed sometimes a lot many times a little. After many years of watching the different methods that people use to shovel the snow, I would like to shear some with you.

July method -In July there is no snow on the ground. So, why waste energy today to get rid of the snow? Works well, after all how often have you seen snow on the ground in July?

Sensitive shovels-Many people have a belief that if they shovel a whole milometer out of there driveway and do a little of their sidewalk their shovel will break into 1,000's of pieces. Since getting new shovels are very hard to get after a snow storm, it's perfectly fine to believe in this Urban Legend.

3inch sidewalks-In some places it is the law to shovel the snow on your sidewalk. However it seems most places 3inches are all you need to do. Don't strain yourself to do any more.

Deprived children-When you were a kid you had to walk to school on the side of a busy road with no shoulder, when it snowed you had to clime over mountains of snow. Why should today's children be so deprived of this character building event? If you live on a street were children walk to bus stops make sure to leave mountains of snow on your sidewalk so kids now-a-days can get some character.

There are a few more I am sure others can fill in what they are.

amother

Brass

Sun, Nov 27 2022, 2:32 am

The Compression Method
If enough people walk on the snow, it flattens and it's as good as shoveling (well, almost). So just walk on your sidewalk and others will follow quite literally in your footsteps, making shoveling utterly superfluous!

The Health Conscious
Every year, people have heart attacks from shoveling snow. Be an example of Venishmartem Me'od and avoid shoveling in order to preserve your health!

The Kids Technique
Encourage your children to shovel! Since this is a fun task, they will cheerfully clear a whole six inches of your sidewalk, go all the way to the road, and dig up half of your front lawn. Then they will abandon the shovels for others to trip over, or for the next snowstorm to bury. Anyone who walks near your house will see and give you an A for effort!

The Pretend You're Not Home Approach
Nobody can be upset at you for not shoveling if you aren't home, right? So as soon as it snows, begin entering and exiting ONLY from the back door. Everyone will see your untouched front steps and not get angry at you. (Caution, mail deliveries may threaten this appearance.)

The "It's Still Snowing" Argument
Shoveling snow while it's still snowing is like cleaning the house while your kids are still growing. So wait until it REALLY stops snowing, sometime next week, before beginning to move the snow.

The "Blame the Government" Logic
In Montreal, the municipality shovels all sidewalks with sidewalk-sized ride-on snowplows. Argue that the same should be true here and leave your walk unshoveled in protest.

The Passive-Aggressive Arrangement
Go out with a plastic spoon, and begin spooning snow from the walk. When someone inquires, pathetically moan at how you don't have a shovel, and you have a bad back, but you just couldn't bear the thought of someone having to walk on an unshoveled sidewalk. When they offer to take over for you with their own shovel or snowblower, thank them profusely, and pretend to limp back into your house.

amother

Brass

Sun, Nov 27 2022, 6:21 am

Misleading Mannequins
Repurpose your scarecrow by putting on an old winter coat and scarf, and leaning a shovel into its arms. Face it away from the sidewalk and everyone walking past will think you're about to shovel.

Bloody Lazy
Put Crime Scene tape around your section of the sidewalk. For an extra dose of realism, splash some melted red popsicles onto the snow.

Lean In
Put up a sign welcoming one and all to your cross-country skiing track. Offer ski rentals at just $100/day.

Capitalism
Set up a hot cocoa stand on your lawn and sell cups for $2.50. Explain that the snowy sidewalks attract more customers.

Diversionary Tactics
Shovel a narrow path from your neighbor's sidewalks to the street so they can easily avoid your section.

Buried Treasure
Tell the neighborhood kids there's candy under the snow and let them dig for it.

amother

Oleander

Sun, Nov 27 2022, 4:02 pm

Denial
Walk out of house in Tshirt and shorts. Go about usual routine. Ask everyone you meet why school is closed and tell them that you drove out your driveway and around town in your small car without a problem. What’s all the fuss?

The short cut
Instead of shoveling your driveway and pathway, shovel a straight line from front door till street so your children can walk less.

Creative
Have your kids shovel a zig zag maze all over your front lawn.

Lazy
Drive your truck up and down the driveway a few times till you’re sure you’ll be able to make it out for work the next day without shoveling. If the snow turns into ice, you’ll worry about it then.

Helpless
Tell everyone you know that you are stuck with a bunch of little kids. Your husband is away. You have no food. Your snow plow company is no where to be found. You have no money. It’s an emergency! Don’t let up until somebody offers to do you a massive favor and plow your snow for free.