If your parents are rich or well off

amother

DarkCyan

Sun, Nov 27 2022, 4:45 pm

amother Purple wrote:

Pretty sure the reason is so the kids don’t blow through it all. If the kids have their own means of making a living, the money can grow and be used continuously for large things like simchas homes retirement instead of being blown through.
People are less likely to blow through their own hard earned money than their parents…

Also for mental health it’s good to be productive

She was asking me and I said I get nothing. And they are loaded, like tons in savings and assests and they are both working with very high salaries in their 60's and aren't stopping any time soon. So no it's not about blowing through anything and it's not about means. I said I needed tomchei shabbos we couldn't put food on the table. And it's because they are stingy. They would rather give publicly and get plaques, giving to me doesn't feel great enough.

amother

Oatmeal

Sun, Nov 27 2022, 4:45 pm

amother Charcoal wrote:

I like this question. I grew up in a comfortable home. I never knew my parents were "rich" till I went into shidduchim. My parents didn't want to be taken advantage of and insisted on mechutanim that will help support. B"h I got that. So, my in laws pay my Lakewood basement rent- that's it. My parents bought us a car and give us a generous allowance each month. My husband learns full time and having just had another baby- I'd love to be a stay at home mom- like my mother was and my siblings and many siblings in law are. However I can't afford it. My parents and in laws feel like they're very generous, which they are. But for the standards we are expected to live at- we do not have enough money. We are the only ones in our families that do not have 2 cars. I worked full time till now. I worry each month how we will pay our bills..... and me friends who were not supported at all live way more comfortably! (Yes I barely had to tap into my savings, and my parents will buy me a house, but I'm holding myself back from pushing my husband out to work in order to sustain our lifestyle) What bothers me most is that my in laws put pressure on us and expect us to live with their high standards (cuz my parents are rich) when they help their other kids much more, because "they need it" and we don't...

Why cant you stay home with your baby?
What expenses do you have that you NEED to work if your apartment, car and groceries etc are being paid for. I understand working to keep busy and save up, but definitely sounds like you can easily stay home with your baby

My inlaws are not rich but they are comfortable enough to pay our rent and utilities, we own our car, so our expenses each month is basically just car insurance and groceries and stuff like clothes & daipers for the baby. I took a year off to be a sahm.
If I could do it I dont see how you cant, being that you get a generous allowance each month.
We dont. We just live extremely frugally.

amother

Oak

Sun, Nov 27 2022, 4:46 pm

amother Dustypink wrote:

You don’t sound very appreciative. You sound resentful.

Parnassah comes from Hashem. You’re getting every penny Hashem wants you to have. No reason to be jealous

You are very judgmental.
I can be appreciative of what we do get, yet hurt at the same time. It's not a contradiction. But it is very hurtful, even if we know that everything comes from hashem. It hurts. It doesn't mean that we're jealous. It just hurts.

amother

DarkCyan

Sun, Nov 27 2022, 4:46 pm

tweety1 wrote:

My parents are RICH RICH. They have a small family yet don't give a penny to their children. Some of us are really struggling. They're great at telling us "do this do that" to make money.

Yup. Or mine who are tone deaf. They give nothing like I mentioned before. They asked me why I didn't buy a house when the market was great, or why I don't get this and that. I said I don't have the money, and they continue asking as if they didn't listen to me say I don't have money.

imacoolmom

Sun, Nov 27 2022, 4:48 pm

[quote="amother NeonGreen"]My parents are rich and everyone assumes that they give us money-not true!
We got our down payment for our house which was very appreciated but we pay the mortgage ourselves, we pay our own kids tuition, our grocery bills and our vacation if we ever go!
My parents don’t give us anything on a day to day basis and I’m fine with it…we have 2 cars that we lease with our own money but I’ve heard comments like of course u have 2 cars u have ur parents credit card! We do not!![/quote
So I think why I assumed is whenever I saw young shnooks ( think 20s) living in a huge luxury house and I’d ask dh how are they affording that-hed say let’s say “ oh that’s Goldenbergs son” so it made sense to me-I assumed parents bought it or the son has a job with the father etc. It would never occur to me that people on a certain level of wealth their kids would not live on the same standard. But yes I see now that each family has their own story and dynamics.

amother

Oak

Sun, Nov 27 2022, 4:49 pm

amother DarkCyan wrote:

I always love the people who aren't in a situation but have all the answers for those who are. If your parents or in laws aren't rich, don't tell us what you assume or decided, because you have no clue.

Exactly. It's easy for them to say that we're jealous or resentful when they don't understand or live the situation.

amother

Charcoal

Sun, Nov 27 2022, 5:25 pm

amother Plum wrote:

Your rent is covered, no monthly car lease payments, and a "generous allowance" each month. You also worked full time until now.
Why are you worried about bills?
And how can your friends who aren't supported live more comfortably? I'm genuinely confused.
Also, what pressure are your in laws putting on you that's high standard? What do they want you to have/wear already?

We pay our food, gas, insurance, babysitting, minimal cleaning help, clothing..... On an average month the allowance plus my income is enough to cover comfortably. However the inflation really affected us. Also, my husband has a health condition that requires expensive treatments. Additionally, we are expected to buy nice gifts for all different occasions. To dress well, to attend simchas out of our city. All these things add up. I find my friends that had no support are living within their means. They are generous when they can be and tight when they need do be. We don't have that luxury because people expect more of us.

amother

Cerulean

Sun, Nov 27 2022, 5:41 pm

My parents were never wealthy but they were very frugal when we were growing up, and now they are extremely comfortable, lets say. Maybe wealthy at this point, I don't know because I don't exactly look at their finances.
They supported me fully until after college, so no debt. They bought me a car.

When we got married, my parents gave us 10k because we had a very simple wedding compared to siblings, so the gave us the difference of what they spent on other weddings.

I get a little over 2k a year as a gift, and some other smaller gifts throughout the year. All the grandkids get 5k a year in a 529 account which we are saving for yeshiva and college.

If we ever needed help, I'm sure they would help us, but we would never ask unless things were desperate. They did cosign for a loan once.

My in-laws loaned us some money once when we were buying a house, which we paid back. They are not wealthy at all, but wanted to help. They also pay for our cell phones which is like $15 a month on the family plan.

Surprisingly, it is my in-laws who have high expectations of how we should be living, but we don't give in to the pressure. And I fear that someday we may have to support them when they are older. They don't have savings enough to ever retire and I don't think they can keep working forever.

amother

Leaf

Sun, Nov 27 2022, 6:19 pm

My parents are wealthy, my in laws have given us nothing ever, I don't know what their financial situation is.
We both work but I have my parents' credit card and a monthly allowance.
Also, we get random very large checks a few times a year.
My siblings are also wealthy, independent of my parents and have wealthy in laws that help them out.
There are times when my parents pay for us to participate in family trips that I wouldn't allow myself to do bcz. I'd rather spend the money elsewhere.
We are extremely appreciative of my parents help, but would not be destitute without it.

amother

DarkGreen

Sun, Nov 27 2022, 7:13 pm

amother DarkCyan wrote:

That is heartbreaking. IYH you should have everything you need without any help from them.

amother

Peony

Sun, Nov 27 2022, 7:23 pm

I guess Rav Gershon Ribner wasn’t off base when he said it’s not unusual for wealth to come with tremendous חמדת הממון so it’s hard for many wealthy to part with- even when it comes to their kids. Sometimes they will make sure the kids have the external trappings that reflect well on the parents like a nice car, but not provide money for them to actually live on.

amother

Tiffanyblue

Sun, Nov 27 2022, 7:39 pm

amother DarkCyan wrote:

I know people like that. Their married kids barely make ends meet but everyone expects them to have loads of money and/or be supported.

It's extremely sad.

I know someone who took all the kids and grandkids to an overseas trip for YT or whatever. It wasn't an option not to join, and the kids' jobs and other obligations were not taken into account at all. Said parents don't support their kids in any way other than when "everyone" talks about it.

amother

Poppy

Sun, Nov 27 2022, 7:55 pm

amother DarkGreen wrote:

I used to live across the street from a row of houses that a wealthy family built for their married kids. All the kids had the same leased cars and lived in the same type of house. I never knew them but it seemed to me a sad way to live. No room for individuality.

Sounds good to me….having to sweat to pay the mortgage and car payments not exactly fun

amother

Winterberry

Sun, Nov 27 2022, 9:03 pm

My parents love to give everyone else but their children, they do help with a down payment for a tiny 3 bedroom house , most of us have atleast 5 kids plus and they give a few hundred dollars a month to help, it sounds very nice but we grew up very wealthy. And we all can’t live in a huge house we grew up in or have cleaning help and designer clothing and vacations that we all were very spoiled with, I appreciate what they give us but I feel like they raised us a certain way and expect us to be happy with so little( some in kollel and some working, but all struggle) it hurts bec their love language is to give presents money and they don’t like to give us ,one of my siblings is so in debt and husband is working bec they so used to fancy life style they never changed unfortunately even though their salary is not what they grew up with they never entered their new reality so sad