Dd giving birth soon no room to have her in my house

octopus

Wed, Nov 30 2022, 9:27 am

Here we go again being tough on a postpartum mother. Yet we have threads to have rachmanus on older men that schnorr food for shabbos. Maybe she's having a C-section? Maybe she has health issues before that a pregnancy exacerbates? Maybe she's having more than one baby? Bottom line is a woman who just gave birth is an halachic choleh and is at risk for so many things if she doesn't get proper postpartum care. Last think op needs is for her daughter to be rehospitalized and then who is taking care of the bigger kids, the baby , and the new mom? It's best to head off any crises before it becomes one. Op, you sound like a wonderful mother. I hope you can figure out how to help your dd in the best way possible for you and for her.

amother

Beige

Wed, Nov 30 2022, 10:19 am

OP how far do you live?

I live a plane ride away from all my kids
I always plan to stay in their town for 1 month
I rent a basement close by and rent a car
Sometimes I sleep over at my daughter’s home, but I try to give the family their space
The nights I sleep over I take the night shift.

I go there early morning
Get kids ready for school
Give them breakfast and get them on the bus or drive them.
Then I return to DDs home
Tidy up, laundry, prep lunch and dinner
I get a cleaning lady 1 or 2 times a week for deep cleaning (depending how large the family is)
If there’s a toddler at home I take care of them and take them out grocery shopping, errands, or back to where I’m staying
In the afternoon get kids home, hw (if applicable), dinner, baths, play time, bed
But they are very easy going kids that occupy themselves. They are happy listening to naki radio, Lego, puzzles, etc.

Basically mommy only takes care of baby and herself
Of course SIL helps out as much as he can, but he works from early till late and cant always take off, but he does help

As it gets closer to the end of my stay I go less, but I prep freezer meals in my basement and stock up her freezer before I go back home

When I need my time my space rest I go to my rented basement.

This worked out well this past summer since DD had many complications and medical issues related but not related to the pregnancy
Long story. and there was no one to stay with the kids while she was in the hospital
Her MIL took the new born and I took care of the rest of the kids at their home.

Yes it’s a huge expense, B”H we are able to do this for them

I try to do similar for DDIL but her mom comes to help

octopus

Wed, Nov 30 2022, 10:37 am

amother Beige wrote:

Wow! Thank you for posting! This is exactly my case in point. Look how many people have to step in when a mom is hospitalized. And the people being tough on the husbands? The husbands can still do plenty but it's too much for one person to shoulder.

amother

Lilac

Wed, Nov 30 2022, 10:45 am

amother Beige wrote:

This is just incredible. I am moved to tears and in awe of you. Such an incredible example of the chesed that so many of us do but aren't recognized for, you are mamash saving her life and the lives of her baby and family. But seriously, my mother lives a plane ride away and my MIL a train or bus ride away or short plane ride, and this is just an amazing example of how if someone really wants and can be there for their child they can make it happen. B"H my family helps in the way they are capable of. I hope to do something similar to this for my kids one day for good things iyh. Amazing.

snailmail

Wed, Nov 30 2022, 5:15 pm

I moved into my mother's basement (was empty house) after my first, for about a week. BH never had any complications but with all others I went straight home from hospital, no mother or MIL came to stay - they both live far, & I would not want them to come.
Sometimes I have had younger kids stay with friends / family for a few days (depends if was school time or not) and DH took off from work for a few days / as needed. Perhaps if OP is needed at her daughter, perhaps some kids can stay at family/friends for a week or so.