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Forum
-> Parenting our children
-> Teenagers and Older children
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amother
OP
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 Thu, Dec 01 2022, 7:14 pm
Question in title.
I’d love to hear ideas.
There is so much glitz (whether it’s an illusion or real) available for them outside our world. How do we counteract that? Why should they LOVE being frum?
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amother
Lawngreen
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Thu, Dec 01 2022, 7:16 pm
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Happiness love and warmth (my goal but I haven’t achieved it yet)
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amother
OP
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Thu, Dec 01 2022, 8:18 pm
| amother Lawngreen wrote: | | Happiness love and warmth (my goal but I haven’t achieved it yet) |
Sounds ideal.
Any other tips?
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amother
Forsythia
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Thu, Dec 01 2022, 9:01 pm
Each and every day exhibiting, radiating your love of Hashem, Torah and Yiddiskiet.
Brag about the chessed you did (and how happy it made the person), the kiddush Hashem you made,, the mazel you had, and how you felt Hashem looking out for you when you found that amazing parking spot. Share, with enthusiasm what you leaned at a shiur.
*ETA this needs to be in conjunction with showing warmth to your children and make them feel like they are are the most special and important nouns to you. You need to make sure that they don’t feel that you’re chessed/learning, and frumkeit comes at their expense. If they feel it does, that is the quickest way to turn them off.
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amother
Ivory
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Thu, Dec 01 2022, 9:02 pm
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maybe expose them to volunteer opportunities, working in a special needs camp is very inspiring (like Hasc / Camp kaylie or whatever is local/appropriate for you), packing food boxes, being a big brother/big sister to someone in a tough situation (sick sibling or parent) etc... I think being on the giving end brings a very fulfilling sense of simcha that a Ferragamo belt (or w/e!) doesn't =)
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yachnabobba
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Fri, Dec 02 2022, 9:32 am
Love yidishkeit yourself. Express appreciation verbally for a life of meaning. Never ever lie
Explain tefilos as always answered with one of three answers: yes, not yet, I have a better plan
Teach them
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amother
Cornsilk
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Fri, Dec 02 2022, 11:06 am
Put away your phone
Smile at them
Shmooze with them
Let them know with your actions and words that they are the most important thing in the world to you
Shabbos is an anchor to yiddishkeit so on shabbos-
Good food and tons of it
Family time
Singing at the shabbos table
Don't yell at them or embarrass them on shabbos and especially at the shabbos table
(Don't think I have it all down pat. I, like most people that I know, am a work in progress.)
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amother
Candycane
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Fri, Dec 02 2022, 11:33 am
Don't have teens yet, but for younger kids. In no particular order.
- Do everything you can to make school an enjoyable place for them. It's such a big part of their time.
- Do everything you can to make Shabbos and chagim enjoyable.
- Be a positive person who they enjoy being around and want to be like.
- Learn with them regularly, preferably one on one. Whatever they enjoy, learn it with them just a tiny bit above their level so they have something to stretch for.
- Celebrate their accomplishments, even the ones that are not your highest priority.
- Make food that they like to eat, within reason.
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amother
DarkViolet
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Fri, Dec 02 2022, 1:30 pm
model the joy
B"H we are yidden! We get shabbos! A whole day to relax and enjoy! We get to talk to our Creator! We have the secret treasure map the blueprint for Life the TORAH!!!!
We are so blessed so lucky!
make it fun
draw the correlations to every joyous moment
even simple things like we are getting these treats for Shabbos!
every smart thing
we are so lucky to know about dlkz no L"H and have guidelines for life to aspire to and help us do better! With all going on nowadays we are so lucky like we are on this taiva!
provide with fun happy positive substantive experiences schools camps mentors etc
obviously nothing is perfect, still holds
Show them your joy delight and gratitude
trace it "hakaras hatov" and so on saying I am sorry mevater...educate yourself and pass it on. Shalom is a keili for brocha etc we can make mistakes, have a day of forgiveness, etc
hugs and hatzlocha
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amother
Poppy
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Sat, Dec 03 2022, 3:56 pm
Love them and don't mussar them unless what they are doing is downright assur, and if it is, say it an uplifting way, and keep it short, sweet, and to the point.
And like all the great ideas others posted here like showing your own love and cheshek for Torah and mitzvos but not in a direct way at them.
And daven!
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amother
OP
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Sat, Dec 03 2022, 4:04 pm
The tips mentioned here are so helpful.
Thank you all.
You can keep them coming.
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amother
Tulip
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Sat, Dec 03 2022, 8:40 pm
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Make their friends welcome in your house, invite family and friends for Shabbos and try to make it fun and exciting for all. Involve them in prep for the holidays in a way that they feel valued and not just used for their help. Do family activities around the holiday (Apple picking for Rosh Hashanah, Decorating Sukkah together, family doughnut crawl for Chanukah) Support their schooling and activities. Try to visit and value connectedness to Israel (if that is part of your Jewish identity). Find camps that instill Jewish values in a way that is fun. Model respect for and joy in your Jewish life.
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