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Forum -> Relationships -> Simcha Section
How bad is it to not go to DS Shabbos Sheva brachos?
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amother
OP


 

Post Sat, Dec 03 2022, 9:51 pm
My son is getting married to a girl that lives a 7 hour car ride away.
My husband is not that well and can't walk and is in pain most of the day.
We went there for the vort which was only for one night.
If we go we would be there for 3 nights which is hard for my husband to do.
He could push himself to go but it is very hard.
How bad is it if we don't go? Most of my married kids won't be going because it's just too hard with kids and they can't get off for so many days.
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flowerpower




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Dec 03 2022, 9:53 pm
You belong there. If your dh can’t attend then he can stay home with one of your children. It will matter a lot if you show up. Make it work.
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mfb




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Dec 03 2022, 9:56 pm
I’m feeling bad for your son. Is he not important to you to make it work for his Simcha? At least you if it’s really impossible for his father to be there? And maybe a sibling without a spouse?
To me family is so important. I save up my vacation money to fly to nieces and nephews weddings to share in the Simcha with my siblings, I can’t imagine missing a siblings Simcha. If they can’t do it with spouses than they should be there alone.
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amother
Peony


 

Post Sat, Dec 03 2022, 9:56 pm
My opinion is that it's extremely important for your son and his new in laws to see you there. You can't imagine how much it means to your son to have his parents, who are hopefully the bedrock of his whole life, to be present at the most important time of his life. Just the fact that you're there gives him an immeasurable amount of support.

That being said, if your dh is not well and would really not manage it, it can be understandable if you're not there.

Mazel tov!
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out-of-towner




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Dec 03 2022, 9:58 pm
I'm from OOT (obviously) and so is DH. At the time my parents lived a 10+ hour drive or 2 hour flight from ILs, and they had little kids at home. ILs made Shabbos Sheva Brachos because Ufruf and wedding were in my hometown, and my parents did not go to them. It was understandable and fine.

OP when you are dealing with people who live far from you it is understandable that you can't make it to everything. It's fine IMO, especially given that your husband isn't so mobile.
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amother
Smokey


 

Post Sat, Dec 03 2022, 10:01 pm
It’s a long drive, but can you fly there instead?

I think you should make every effort to go. Really.
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imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Dec 03 2022, 10:01 pm
Mazel tov, and refuah shleimah to your DH.

Are there some sheva brachos by your home, and some by DIL's parents?

If so, it's not unusual OOT, when families are far apart.

If you weren't doing anything else for sheva brachos, you might want to make some extra effort.
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amother
Coral


 

Post Sat, Dec 03 2022, 10:05 pm
How does your son feel about you not going?
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amother
OP


 

Post Sat, Dec 03 2022, 10:10 pm
My kids will be making Sheva brachos as my friends also.
One of my sil didn't have anyone at our Shabbos Sheva brachos and honestly it was nice because it was only my family so we had it in my house which I couldn't of done otherwise.
My sil was ok with no family there.(his father was sick in the hospital).
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amother
Banana


 

Post Sat, Dec 03 2022, 10:10 pm
I think you do belong there. Is it a possibility for you to make? Shabbos Sheva brochos instead? I know someone who just married someone out of town and that's what they did.
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amother
OP


 

Post Sat, Dec 03 2022, 10:11 pm
amother Coral wrote:
How does your son feel about you not going?

He understands and is ok with it
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exhausted




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Dec 03 2022, 10:19 pm
I don't think you have to push yourself to go unless it is very easy. Your side is already making a few and now it's the other side's turn.
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shirachadasha




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Dec 03 2022, 10:30 pm
I think it's very mature of your son to be understanding. If I was in your son's place, I wouldn't want my father to go if it would cause extra pain or discomfort.

Does your husband need your assistance for that Shabbos? If not, you can go.
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amother
Blush


 

Post Sat, Dec 03 2022, 10:35 pm
My parents didn’t come to my Shabbos sheva brachos. It was fine. No big deal. The wedding is the most important part. Be a part of that nicely and fully .
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tichellady




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Dec 03 2022, 10:38 pm
maybe this is cultural but I don't think it's such a big deal. if he's ok with it, then I think it's fine.
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chestnut




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Dec 03 2022, 10:38 pm
Your side makes some SB where you both will be. No one should expect your husband to come to the kallah's town if he can't physically.
IF you can manage to leave your family (no very little kids, can get off at work, etc), you can go for one, maybe two SB. But it absolutely shouldn't be held you or your husband if you can't.
Mazel tov!!

ETA: just realized you were talking about shabbos SB, not just 3 weekday SB, so ignore my last paragraph.


Last edited by chestnut on Sat, Dec 03 2022, 11:00 pm; edited 1 time in total
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octopus




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Dec 03 2022, 10:40 pm
Op, you have enough on your plate right now. If it's too much , it's too much. Of course it would mean a lot to your son if you were there, but it's not always feasible to leave a sick spouse behind. If you can do it, that's one thing. I don't think shleping your husband is a good idea. Making a wedding is stressful enough. If this will impact your future well-being or that of your husband's, then it's not worth it.
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amother
Grape


 

Post Sat, Dec 03 2022, 10:40 pm
It's not that bad to miss it. Everyone who says otherwise needs to take a chill pill.

My parents missed my brother's Shabbos Sheva brochos as they were both caring for ill parents at the time. My brother 100% understood.

If your husband is unwell and can't walk, of course you should not push him to go. Of course you should stay with him if he wants you to.

Shabbos Sheva brochos is anyways the girls' side... You would just be guests. You would barely spend time with your son.
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mom!




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Dec 03 2022, 10:48 pm
Why can’t you go and leave your husband with another child for shabbos?
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amother
Tiffanyblue


 

Post Sat, Dec 03 2022, 10:50 pm
You have good reasons not to go, but if you could push yourself to go by yourself or maybe send one of your married couples,, it would make a huge difference and tremendously enhance the simcha for your ds.
We recently married our dd off to a boy from oot (8hour drive). The parents stayed for the shabbos sheva brachos but missed the last 3 days of sheva brachos. It was very hard for our son in law that non of his relative was present. He didnt know any of our hosts and friends and everyone kept on talking about dd and our family. I felt bad for him and it did take away from the simcha.
Its a once in a lifetime event after all.
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