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How bad is it to not go to DS Shabbos Sheva brachos?
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amother
Blushpink


 

Post Sat, Dec 03 2022, 10:55 pm
Evidently it's cultural. I didn't attend my son's way OOT, as in plane ride away, Shabbat SB, nor did I attend all the in-town (meaning in the general sense of "our hometown" as opposed to Lakewood) ones. As far as we're concerned, SB is for the chosson and kallah and people who didn't attend the wedding. The lechayyim, the vort, the wedding and maybe one SB is more than enough for parents and other family members. If anyone was dismayed, disgusted or disgruntled that we didn't haul ourselves all over the place to attend, or if they just missed our being there (which I doubt)...too bad.
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Dec 03 2022, 10:57 pm
mfb wrote:
I’m feeling bad for your son. Is he not important to you to make it work for his Simcha? .


I assume they're both going to be at the wedding, and they were at the vort. The chosson and kallah are the ones who are celebrating all week. The parents have done their part once they've married the kid off. They don't need to hover for the rest of the week.
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Dec 03 2022, 10:57 pm
amother Smokey wrote:
It’s a long drive, but can you fly there instead?

I think you should make every effort to go. Really.


I disagree. Really.
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amother
Mayflower


 

Post Sat, Dec 03 2022, 11:00 pm
Really depends if it’s the norm in your circles.
Where I come from I never heard of the chosson’s parents not attending the Shabbos SB barring extraordinary circumstances (bH don’t remember one such situation).
So if you’re even asking how bad it is it must be quite okay. Maybe ask your DH how he feels about you going alone and take it from there.
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chestnut




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Dec 03 2022, 11:10 pm
amother Tiffanyblue wrote:
You have good reasons not to go, but if you could push yourself to go by yourself or maybe send one of your married couples,, it would make a huge difference and tremendously enhance the simcha for your ds.
We recently married our dd off to a boy from oot (8hour drive). The parents stayed for the shabbos sheva brachos but missed the last 3 days of sheva brachos. It was very hard for our son in law that non of his relative was present. He didnt know any of our hosts and friends and everyone kept on talking about dd and our family. I felt bad for him and it did take away from the simcha.
Its a once in a lifetime event after all.

What exactly was hard for him, that everyone talked about your family and DD? Of course, it was your side's SB
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amother
Sage


 

Post Sat, Dec 03 2022, 11:51 pm
My sil parents didn't come to shabbos sheva brachos and they are less than 3 hours away and healthy. But his father traveled for a living and just didn't want to travel for the weekend too. My sil understood and was fine with it.
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amother
Amethyst


 

Post Sat, Dec 03 2022, 11:53 pm
Wow this is definitely cultural. I’ve never attended a shabbos sheva Brachos where chosson’s parents weren’t there.
I don’t think asking here will help.
Mazel tov!
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flowerpower




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 04 2022, 12:22 am
Of course your child will say it’s ok if you don’t come. Otherwise he will feel guilty. But in all my decades on this earth I never saw parents miss their own sons simcha ( unless there was a real valid excuse).
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iluvy




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 04 2022, 12:38 am
How is this not a real valid excuse?

I do think it would be nice to send a married sibling if possible.
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essie14




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 04 2022, 12:38 am
This must be cultural.
My siblings didn't all have their in laws at shabbat SB. My in laws did not come to my shabbat SB.
Not a big deal.
Especially in OP's circumstances.
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penguin




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 04 2022, 12:41 am
I'm just wondering where the wedding will be.

For many people, a close family member who's ill (even a grandparent) could be a reason to make the wedding local to that person. Certainly for a father who's going to find it difficult to travel.

Would your mechutonim consider allowing you to make the Shabbos (if you're up to it, of course, maybe with some help from your children)? Certainly they'll want something for their friends to attend but it need not be Shbbos.
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amother
Firethorn


 

Post Sun, Dec 04 2022, 1:22 am
flowerpower wrote:
Of course your child will say it’s ok if you don’t come. Otherwise he will feel guilty. But in all my decades on this earth I never saw parents miss their own sons simcha ( unless there was a real valid excuse).

I agree
This is a very important milestone for your son and I think you shud make every effort to attend
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amother
Yellow


 

Post Sun, Dec 04 2022, 1:29 am
I didn't read through all the answers. Mazal tov! We have been married for over 20 years so maybe things changed but it was a flight away or an 8-hour drive and no family from my side came. We had plenty of Sheva brachos in the city where I lived and we just looked at this as being in the city where my husband live. His family didn't stay for the ones in our city either. So I don't see why you should have to go but then again maybe things have changed.
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amother
Pistachio


 

Post Sun, Dec 04 2022, 3:37 am
OP I am the youngest in my family so my parents were ''older'' as I was growing up. If my father was ill, I would be totally understanding if they could not come for 7 Brachos. Please do what is best for your DH. If he can go for Shabbos to one of your children/or your children by you and be comfortable at home, and you feel its ok to leave for Shabbos, very nice. If he is ill, in bad pain, please be with him. Your son will understand. This is how it is. (after 7 Brachos) Be in touch with the couple if you can't travel to them often. send cards, thoughts.
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Bnei Berak 10




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 04 2022, 4:12 am
penguin wrote:
I'm just wondering where the wedding will be.

For many people, a close family member who's ill (even a grandparent) could be a reason to make the wedding local to that person. Certainly for a father who's going to find it difficult to travel.

Would your mechutonim consider allowing you to make the Shabbos (if you're up to it, of course, maybe with some help from your children)? Certainly they'll want something for their friends to attend but it need not be Shbbos.

Wedding is usually in the home town of kallah.
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notshanarishona




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 04 2022, 5:02 am
I think you should you go by yourself. It would appear very nebachy for your son not to have anyone from his family there.
We got married and then returned to Israel mid week to have our remaining sheva brachos with out friends and my husband’s yeshiva. Although it was really enjoyable to have the people who were such a big part of our lives there, family was definitely missed. It’s not the same.
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chanchy123




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 04 2022, 6:08 am
OP I live in Israel, so either people live a few hours drive away or they’re flying in from overseas, so I don’t have any immediate experience with this.
Having said that, Shabbat sheva brachot is a big deal and especially if you live far away, your son may very well feel out of place not knowing anyone during the entire Shabbat.
It seems like your husband can’t come, and it’s totally ok, but if you could come yourself or make sure other family members or even close friends can go instead of you that would be amazing.
Make sure the ILs understand the extent of your husband’s disability and don’t leave it to your son to explain.
You want them to understand what you would have loved you attend but it’s really impossible for him (and maybe you) to do so.
Maybe offer to take care of the grandchildren for the weekend and send one of your married children.
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amother
Taupe


 

Post Sun, Dec 04 2022, 9:03 am
I live in an OOT community that's a 6 hour drive from the closest jewish community.

I've never seen a shabbos sheva brachos here without the parents from the other side. If your DH really cannot go you should go yourself.
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amother
Kiwi


 

Post Sun, Dec 04 2022, 11:02 am
amother OP wrote:
My son is getting married to a girl that lives a 7 hour car ride away.
My husband is not that well and can't walk and is in pain most of the day.
We went there for the vort which was only for one night.
If we go we would be there for 3 nights which is hard for my husband to do.
He could push himself to go but it is very hard.
How bad is it if we don't go? Most of my married kids won't be going because it's just too hard with kids and they can't get off for so many days.


Not bad at all. Don't let anyone on this site guilt trip you. I'm sure you have many countless sacrifices for your son over the years.
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amother
Slategray


 

Post Sun, Dec 04 2022, 11:08 am
Is your husband encouraging you to go?
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