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Visit daughter in seminary or vacation with rest of family?
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amother
OP


 

Post Sat, Dec 03 2022, 11:56 pm
I have enough credit card points for 1 ticket to Israel or domestic tickets for my whole family. I have a daughter in seminary in Israel that I would love to go visit. I also have other kids at home that would love to go away for winter break. I can't do both..... Where I live it became the norm to go away for winter break but it also seems to be the norm to visit your seminary daughter. What would you do if you could only do 1 or the other?
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amother
Rainbow


 

Post Sun, Dec 04 2022, 12:06 am
Are DDs friend and roommates all having family visit or would she be an anomaly? What is your relationship with DD? How is she doing? Personally, I would visit DD and plan an amazing staycation for the others. But only you know your family dynamics.
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Rappel




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 04 2022, 12:23 am
I would go away with the family, unless your daughter is incredibly homesick.
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elisheva25




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 04 2022, 12:25 am
I think vacation for whole family, versus visiting one child
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Rutabaga




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 04 2022, 1:03 am
Is this your first child away in Israel for a year? If so, think carefully about setting a precedent if you may not be able to go visit the other children when they're in Israel. Obviously, if there are extenuating circumstances with your daughter then it's a different story. If you go visit her then what will the rest of your family be doing for their winter break? If they'll just be sitting around bored then it really doesn't seem fair. If they can have a fun staycation then it's worth considering.

Either way, someone will be missing out. If you decide on the family vacation then your daughter in Israel not only won't get a parental visit, but she'll miss out on the vacation with the rest of the family. If you go to Israel then the rest of your family misses out on a trip plus they have to deal with your absence for however long you're gone. Whatever you decide, please don't let on to your children that there was another option because that may cause resentment.
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amother
Rose


 

Post Sun, Dec 04 2022, 1:24 am
Your daughter is having a great year in seminary. I vote for the family vacation including everybody. I think my kids would become very angry and resentful if I left them especially in the middle of a vacation week.
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imaima




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 04 2022, 6:34 am
Why do you want to do what’s „done“ and not what’s necessary?
Whst do you actually want to do? What would you enjoy? Is she homesick? Those are valid questions.

ETA: in a similar situation, at one point I took the whole fam to visit the one child in Israel, but of course it was expensive
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amother
Aconite


 

Post Sun, Dec 04 2022, 7:27 am
What do you want to do? Like for yourself?



*** I'm assuming your Israel trip will not be over your other children's winter break.
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amother
Oxfordblue


 

Post Sun, Dec 04 2022, 8:14 am
I was extremely homesick in seminary and getting a visit from my parents gave me such a boost (and something to hold onto/look forward to)! So I guess it all depends on how your daughter is doing
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amother
Buttercup


 

Post Sun, Dec 04 2022, 8:23 am
I would say to do the trip with your kids.
Your daughter in seminary already has trips and fun things implemented in her seminary year.
Your kids are probably looking forward to a vacation once a year (not much more probably). I would feel bad to take that opportunity away from your kids when your daughter is having a fun year already. (unless she's super homesick or something...)
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happyone




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 04 2022, 8:38 am
To me, seminary is one long vacation for the girls. Homesick or not, it's a choice to attend. I wouldn't give up a family vacation for the one child away unless there are extenuating circumstances, issues and such.
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amother
Amaryllis


 

Post Sun, Dec 04 2022, 8:45 am
happyone wrote:
To me, seminary is one long vacation for the girls. Homesick or not, it's a choice to attend. I wouldn't give up a family vacation for the one child away unless there are extenuating circumstances, issues and such.

Agree.
Our son was in Israel for yeshiva - we did not have the money to visit him-
They come home for pesach and go back after pesach-
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essie14




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 04 2022, 8:51 am
amother Buttercup wrote:
I would say to do the trip with your kids.
Your daughter in seminary already has trips and fun things implemented in her seminary year.
Your kids are probably looking forward to a vacation once a year (not much more probably). I would feel bad to take that opportunity away from your kids when your daughter is having a fun year already. (unless she's super homesick or something...)

I agree. The DD is probably living it up for 10 months and I wouldn't deprive the rest of the family from a trip.
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amother
OP


 

Post Sun, Dec 04 2022, 9:25 am
Its more about going and seeing with my own eyes that she is really ok🤦 (she will not be coming home for pesach). Even thou I sent her I really don't think its normal to send ur daughter away for a year....
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amother
Peru


 

Post Sun, Dec 04 2022, 9:38 am
amother OP wrote:
Its more about going and seeing with my own eyes that she is really ok🤦 (she will not be coming home for pesach). Even thou I sent her I really don't think its normal to send ur daughter away for a year....


We sent all our girls to Israel. We weren't able to visit them. They did not come home for Pesach.
I can't say they were never homesick but they were fine. And grateful we pulled it off for them.
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amother
Amaryllis


 

Post Sun, Dec 04 2022, 9:54 am
amother OP wrote:
Its more about going and seeing with my own eyes that she is really ok🤦 (she will not be coming home for pesach). Even thou I sent her I really don't think its normal to send ur daughter away for a year....

Take your family on vacation now and keep an eye out for an amazing deal on tickets between chanuka (after new year) and purim- usually this is a quiet time for travel as there are no holidays.
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amother
Amaranthus


 

Post Sun, Dec 04 2022, 9:54 am
amother OP wrote:
I have enough credit card points for 1 ticket to Israel or domestic tickets for my whole family. I have a daughter in seminary in Israel that I would love to go visit. I also have other kids at home that would love to go away for winter break. I can't do both..... Where I live it became the norm to go away for winter break but it also seems to be the norm to visit your seminary daughter. What would you do if you could only do 1 or the other?

Visit your daughter and do something local fun and cheaper for the rest of the family
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amother
Peru


 

Post Sun, Dec 04 2022, 9:56 am
amother Amaranthus wrote:
Visit your daughter and do something local fun and cheaper for the rest of the family


I don't think the family should lose out.
I'm past seminary. Are there any girls left whose parents don't visit? I find it hard to believe.
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amother
Powderblue


 

Post Sun, Dec 04 2022, 10:03 am
amother Amaranthus wrote:
Visit your daughter and do something local fun and cheaper for the rest of the family


The sem dd is most likely having a great time and the parents already have shelled out large sums for her. Is it fair that all the resources get allocated for her? If there are no extenuating circumstances, then why not delegate the limited resources to her other children? If it's simply a case where OP is having difficulties cutting the apron strings, then treating the rest of the family to a vacation seems to be the better option. The consideration for the other children shouldn't be revolving around one child.

I agree with the posters who have said that OP should take the family on vacation, and keep an eye out for a cheap ticket to Israel
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amother
Blushpink


 

Post Sun, Dec 04 2022, 10:08 am
Your DD is (assumably) having a great time all year and is basically on a long “vacation” with friends, trips etc

And now instead of the entire rest of the family who are home and (assumably) not going anywhere, you choose to give your DD in E”Y even more of a “treat” and they get…nothing?

Unless your DD is having an issue there chas vshalom.

If there is actually only the option of one trip or the other, of course (!) take the test of the family on a domestic trip.

Disclaimer: by “issues”, I mean real ones, again, chas vshalom. I do not mean typical homesickness etc which is normal and healthy for her to deal with and grow from. That is part of the going away process (and these days the kids there have cell phones with American numbers and call home day and night. (A far cry form the “old days” in sem…)

(Of course you can afterwards be on the lookout for a spontaneous affordable flight and surprise her at some point, if feasible.)

Have nachas from them all.
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