My child pains me | Imamother

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Our Challenging Children (gifted, ADHD, sensitive, defiant)

My child pains me

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amother

Wed, Dec 07 2022, 5:31 pm

My teenage dd is always making me cry. She is so hard to deal with. Everything turns into fighting. A simple request will be answered back in yelling and anger. She’s on ADHD medication and while on it is somewhat manageable because she’s zonked out but once it wears off it’s a disaster. I’m the all in mother type, always there for her, spending time, making her favorite foods, etc… and it feels like she’s never grateful.
In her eyes I’m a horrible stupid mother.
Anyone going through the same pain and has any advice how to deal with it?

mha3484

Wed, Dec 07 2022, 5:34 pm

Its very hard. When was the last time you had her medication reevaluated? What she is taking now may not be serving her well. I also really suggest reading the explosive child. I found it to be the most helpful with my kids with ADHD.

fish

Wed, Dec 07 2022, 5:34 pm

I feel you! What worked for us was actually to go off medication! The medication was causing anxiety and everything was overwhelming , lots of fighting ect. She went off and is a different person! So her notes in school aren't perfect and color coded, and she isn't getting a+ on everything b/c it's hard for her to stay focused, but she is much happier! And she isn't causing stress to everyone around her.

amother

Butterscotch

Wed, Dec 07 2022, 5:53 pm

Sounds like her nervous system in stuck in fight flight. Medication can manage some of the brain differences that are causing her symptoms, but they don’t correct the underlying issues and may even be causing some new ones. An integrative or functional dr can help you figure out her root causes and address them. Finally focused is also a great book for this if you want to try some thing on your own.

amother

Wed, Dec 07 2022, 8:16 pm

fish wrote:

I also feel the medication is making her crazy but the doctor won’t take her off and honestly I’m scared to deal with her without it…. Sad

fiji

Wed, Dec 07 2022, 8:32 pm

Find a different doctor!

amother

DarkGreen

Wed, Dec 07 2022, 8:42 pm

If she’s zonked out the meds aren’t a good fit. Change doses or type of meds. If dr won’t let switch.

imorethanamother

Wed, Dec 07 2022, 9:00 pm

It's hard to tell how much of this is a disorder you've assigned to her, and plain teenage battles. How old is your teen?

amother

Wed, Dec 07 2022, 9:41 pm

She’s 14, we’ve tried so many medications plus vitamins nothing seems to work
Either she’s zonked out which is easier to deal with but sad to see her like that or she’s super angry and fights over every thing

amother

Butterscotch

Wed, Dec 07 2022, 10:09 pm

amother OP wrote:

Would you be open to trying homeopathy?

amother

Hunter

Wed, Dec 07 2022, 10:13 pm

amother OP wrote:

She probably is never grateful. She sounds like she's in constant emotional pain. People in pain have a hard time being grateful. That doesn't make you not a good mother, just makes it hard for her to appreciate that.

amother

Wed, Dec 07 2022, 11:12 pm

amother Butterscotch wrote:

Would you be open to trying homeopathy?

What’s that

amother

Bluebonnet

Wed, Dec 07 2022, 11:24 pm

OP, I'm going through (almost) same story with my 12 year old son.
I just spoke to a mother who is going through very similar with her 14 year old daughter.

They seem to be in so Much pain, it's painful to watch what's happening with them and coming up with effective solution to help them.

I am currently throwing out Disciplining of the window, he's not ready for it right now. I try to shower him with love and all I can, though it's not obviously effective yet. We're working on making sure he sleeps and eats well. We're in touch with his teachers, social workers, therapists, psychotherapists...

amother

Butterscotch

Wed, Dec 07 2022, 11:29 pm

amother OP wrote:

What’s that

Alternative treatment

amother

Tealblue

Wed, Dec 07 2022, 11:32 pm

Try osteo cranial therapy.
There is Shira Korngold in flatbush.

imorethanamother

Thu, Dec 08 2022, 12:51 pm

I don’t know your personal situation from your post, but it kinda all seems normal. Except for the zonked part. My 14 year old was a total terror and then he turned 15 and he became the best kid! Sometimes it’s just them working out their hormones, sometimes it’s power struggles while a child finds their independent footing.

Just discipline where appropriate. Schedule special coffee date times if they’re amenable and they probably won’t be. Make sure you make their favorite meals at times and tell them when you do it and that it’s because you love them so much. Find a way to hold them, hug them, or just touch their hand. Make sure they have all the physical needs met, and also give them the ability to make their room their own with privacy and personal touches. Set limits and show love, then hold onto your hats and wait for the storm to subside. Welcome to teenage children!

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