Why didn’t the morah thank me? (2nd time)

Simple1

Wed, Dec 28 2022, 10:33 pm

amother Tulip wrote:

yes. It's rude not to say thank you.
but not to give a gift as thanks for taking care of your child is stupid. It's just your hurt ego. I get it, but they're still doing the work, and doing it well (I assume).

she basically didnt thank you for your thank you.

I keep hearing this last line and I disagree. Maybe it’s more like a “you’re welcome” for a “thank you”. Or quite literally a thank you for their gift. The parents don’t need to send gifts and letters and definitely don’t have to give a generous amount. They could have given the minimum amount. So it would be appropriate to say thank you.

amother

Tulip

Wed, Dec 28 2022, 10:38 pm

Simple1 wrote:

of course its appropriate to say thank you. even rude not to.
but to say "next time I'm not giving anything" is a pitzy silly.

BS"D!!!

Wed, Dec 28 2022, 11:47 pm

Beginning of year, she may not have noticed or remembered which parent gave her the gift, she may have misplaced the card that came with it. Maybe she sent a thank you card/note and it didn’t make it home to you. Anything can happen to a note or card. Even emails can be sent to a wrong address by mistake or have ended up in spam.

amother

Peach

Thu, Dec 29 2022, 12:11 am

To the ima who gives generously multiple times a year-

I’m a morah, not a Rebbi, and I live in the Midwest, so that will affect the gifts I receive-

But as a morah, I only receive monetary gifts from parents maximum twice a year, Chanukah and purim.

And $100 is exceedingly generous, at least for me.
Like I said, I live OOT, but most of the parents who gave me a gift gave me the value of approx. $20/25.

If I were you I would cut down. This is really expensive and generous of you.
If you really want to do gelt, do smaller quantities and amounts.
Instead of money at the start and end of the year, do something like give honey cookies Rosh haShana (very typical gift from the geshikt who can get their act together so quickly during a busy season- I can’t!!!) and shavuos time give a bakery cheese dessert or flowers.

As a parent, I give gifts that are valued at $5 each, and write meaningful, personal notes. And for all those who think I expect gifts, nope I don’t! Morahs aren’t all money hungry people!!

I truly believe that n in being paid a salary and any gifts I get are just perks, not expected.

amother

Canary

Thu, Dec 29 2022, 1:52 am

As a human being and a mother who does give gifts to teachers I appreciate it when they thank me and if they wouldn't, I might think twice about continuing however just think that you are giving it to them to show your appreciation, it should be a gift on your part without expectations - they have already given you their part, their caring for your child!

It shouldn't be all about you and the thank you which you need to get. If you need the thanks and you know you won't get it then feel free not to give a gift again

WhatFor

Thu, Dec 29 2022, 2:16 am

amother Ivory wrote:

I know. I can’t even picture what it looks like to extend your hand and take the gift and not say a word of thanks.

The only thing I can think of is what was she doing while OP handed it to her. Was she juggling and attending to another child at the same time so that she didn't notice what OP handed her until OP was gone? I could see that happening to me if I were fully immersed in something urgent and someone tried to interrupt, not realizing that I was totally preoccupied.

If I thought someone was so socially off that they didn't know to say thank you when they were fully aware I was handing them a gift, I might have other concerns about leaving my child in their care. But I wouldn't necessarily assume someone was so socially off just because they didn't say thank you when I handed them something. It would depend on the bigger picture.

amother

Almond

Thu, Dec 29 2022, 2:55 am

amother Ivory wrote:

I’d ask her, “I hadn’t heard from you so I was wondering if you enjoyed the gift.”

What would you do if she said no?

I doubt that anyone would be so rude, but when I was a morah I used to hate all these random gifts, and often found them embarrassing. A basic mishloach manot was fine, and something at the end of the year, but I really wasn't interested in extras. Sometimes it's just an extra task remembering to pretend gratitude for something you didn't want in the first place.

Shopmiami49

Thu, Dec 29 2022, 7:12 am

Someone once handed me a card Chanukah time, had no marking or any indication about anything. I was with a student who was having a meltdown and trying to run away in the hall. I remember being very flustered, maybe said a distracted thanks (again, not knowing anything of importance was in the envelope) amd stuck it in my bag while I continued dealing with the child.

And I totally forgot about the envelope. For weeks. I found it much much later when I was cleaning out my bag...and it was a beautiful card with a generous gift card. I was SO embarrassed. I am so on top of thanking parents and showing hakaras hatov and this was so "not me".

But things happen sometimes. I reached out to the parent even though it was embarrassingly late and I explained what happened and thanked her profusely.