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I made aliyah with teens AMA
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amother
Pansy


 

Post Thu, Sep 08 2022, 1:22 pm
Curious to hear from your outlook as you made Aliyah. What does a family need to do to make it work. What do the parents need to come with in their minds to make it work, not just in RBS but all communities in Israel, Israeli and American. How do people from well to do homes and lives, come here, and say we are staying. How do families get used to things that in the states would take days, Israel, it takes weeks sometimes. I am sure there is frustration in all sorts of bureaucracy. How do you deal with that. Much Hatzlacha for you and your family.
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Reality




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 08 2022, 2:08 pm
amother Pansy wrote:
Curious to hear from your outlook as you made Aliyah. What does a family need to do to make it work. What do the parents need to come with in their minds to make it work, not just in RBS but all communities in Israel, Israeli and American. How do people from well to do homes and lives, come here, and say we are staying. How do families get used to things that in the states would take days, Israel, it takes weeks sometimes. I am sure there is frustration in all sorts of bureaucracy. How do you deal with that. Much Hatzlacha for you and your family.


I can only comment on what I know. I have never lived outside of RBS.

I think having a unified family unit is very important. Me and my DH talked it over with our kids a lot. I'm very grateful that all of our kids wanted to move. When I think about it now I'm amazed. My kids had friends and were doing well in school but they latched on to the idea of Israel right away. They had never even been there because we never could afford a family trip!

I think the key to success is to plan, do your homework but to know that things will not go exactly how you planned it. You definitely need to be flexible or you won't be able to deal with all the stress!

I don't come from a well to do family and we are not well to do either. But there are a lot of well to do olim in RBS. They live in 3-4 story beautiful homes. They have cars and travel every vacation. They seem to me to be living very nice lives!

I'm not sure what you mean by things taking weeks instead of days. I'm assuming you mean ordering from Amazon? Yes, I need to be organized and order things 3-4 weeks in advance. That should be my worst problem in life! If I am disorganized, most things can be bought here too.

The bureaucracy can be hard especially because my hebrew really isn't good. It's better than it was but over the phone is really hard. Also, in the moment I can never remember the right words to say. All my hebrew disappears from my brain when I need it!
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amother
Oldlace


 

Post Sat, Dec 31 2022, 7:11 pm
Sorry if I am waking this thread up...
Just been thinking about this for a while and we also keep hearing that our kids are too old and it would be a bad idea etc... 6 kids kah ages 0-12...

On one hand I wonder if everyone in our communities keeps retelling the same horror stories about kids going off the derech which was much more common 10-20 years ago when there were fewer anglos so less community infrastructure etc... on the other hand maybe I am just being naive and hopeful and head in the sandish.

Are you in RBS Alef or one of the other neighborhoods (RBS gimmel, gimmen2, alef hachadasha etc...)

How did you do research into schools before you went?
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Reality




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jan 01 2023, 2:26 pm
amother Oldlace wrote:
Sorry if I am waking this thread up...
Just been thinking about this for a while and we also keep hearing that our kids are too old and it would be a bad idea etc... 6 kids kah ages 0-12...

On one hand I wonder if everyone in our communities keeps retelling the same horror stories about kids going off the derech which was much more common 10-20 years ago when there were fewer anglos so less community infrastructure etc... on the other hand maybe I am just being naive and hopeful and head in the sandish.

Are you in RBS Alef or one of the other neighborhoods (RBS gimmel, gimmen2, alef hachadasha etc...)

How did you do research into schools before you went?


I'm so happy you did!

I think the horror stories are old recycled stories from years ago. If your oldest is 12 you haven't missed the boat!

I recently had high school interviews for my son. The principal told me they have never had so many olim apply like they have this year. I know that my kids elementary schools also told me they never had so many olim in the upper grades.

Aleph is more of a mix religious and age wise. Gimmel is younger and more yeshivish.

To research schools, I made a bunch of phone calls. To the schools themselves and to parents and to some community rabbanim to try to figure out the best fit for us.

BH, all of our kids are happy. The spectrum of school happiness goes from same like in NY to I love this school more than any other school I've ever been to. That's a success in my book! But, it is really common to switch schools after aliyah. It isn't looked down upon at all.

If anyone else has questions, keep them coming! Very Happy
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amother
Clover


 

Post Sun, Jan 01 2023, 3:37 pm
Reality, we sound similar type to you... Only difference is that we have tons of close family in Israel that are typical chareidi. We would love an open minded chareidi situation, but would feel like the black sheep of the family if we would veer towards DL/chardal.... Basically, we are Agudah type, open minded middle of the road yeshivish.
Would we find out place??
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LovesHashem




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jan 01 2023, 4:08 pm
amother Clover wrote:
Reality, we sound similar type to you... Only difference is that we have tons of close family in Israel that are typical chareidi. We would love an open minded chareidi situation, but would feel like the black sheep of the family if we would veer towards DL/chardal.... Basically, we are Agudah type, open minded middle of the road yeshivish.
Would we find out place??


The open minded chareidi places in RBS are not DL at all.
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amother
Honey


 

Post Sun, Jan 01 2023, 4:09 pm
LovesHashem wrote:
The open minded chareidi places in RBS are not DL at all.



What are they? More frum than DL? Like Yeshivish?
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amother
Oleander


 

Post Sun, Jan 01 2023, 4:15 pm
@amother Clover

Check out Rehovot.

We are dati lumi, and we go to a shule started by Anglos 40+ years ago, now a good mix of Hebrew and English speakers.

Same wonderful person started a Charedi shule at approx. the same time. Also currently a mixture of Anglo and English speakers, both chardal and charedi.

I frequently walk by the Kretschetsnif shule and its other buildings here in Rehovot. From what I've been told, Rehovot is the international headquarters of Kretschetsnif.

Rehovot is known for being a city where people get along. No one looks down on anyone else. It's amazing to me.

Rehovot is truly a city of Torah u'mada. Weizmann Institute (post-grad science university) and the Agricultural School of Hebrew U are both here.
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LovesHashem




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jan 01 2023, 4:15 pm
amother Honey wrote:
What are they? More frum than DL? Like Yeshivish?


Middle of the road. Some parents don't wear socks, most kids watch movies and TV shows kind of place.

They might celebrate Yom hatzamaut I don't know for sure. But they don't push army or shirut leumi
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Reality




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jan 01 2023, 4:23 pm
amother Clover wrote:
Reality, we sound similar type to you... Only difference is that we have tons of close family in Israel that are typical chareidi. We would love an open minded chareidi situation, but would feel like the black sheep of the family if we would veer towards DL/chardal.... Basically, we are Agudah type, open minded middle of the road yeshivish.
Would we find out place??


I think so. Don't allow yourself to feel like the black sheep of the family. My family in Israel is more to the right than me. I am careful to buy the hechsherim they eat when they visit and I have never felt looked down upon. We are all frum Jews and different people choose to serve Hashem along different paths. As long as there is love and respect, everyone can get along!

The chardali schools that I know of don't offer a lot of olim services. I know people who have sent there and are very happy. I would have loved to but got scared off because of that and the language barrier as well. I made compromises because we thought sending to schools that are experienced in dealing with olim was the most important. The truth is, practically every school in RBS has olim because we are a city of olim. The dominant language on the street is Hebrew and English but you also hear plenty of French and some Spanish as well.

If anyone knows of a chardal option in RBS that is olim friendly please chime in!

When it comes to schools, if your kids are younger you have more leeway. When your kids are tweens and teens, you really want them to feel like they fit in.
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Reality




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jan 01 2023, 4:26 pm
LovesHashem wrote:
The open minded chareidi places in RBS are not DL at all.


No but we live together. There are open-minded yeshivish and DL people all over RBS A mixed in together with much more yeshivish people as well.
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amother
Brickred


 

Post Sun, Jan 01 2023, 5:21 pm
How do you fit into a smaller space?

I cant see how I would survive without basement for junk, extra fridge/ freezer/ treadmill

smaller rooms, narrowwe mattresses, less closet space

how can I do it?
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LovesHashem




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jan 02 2023, 2:17 am
amother Brickred wrote:
How do you fit into a smaller space?

I cant see how I would survive without basement for junk, extra fridge/ freezer/ treadmill

smaller rooms, narrowwe mattresses, less closet space

how can I do it?


Its a bit freeing to live with less.

They make really narrow second freezers a lot of people have and keep it in one of the bedrooms.
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amother
Cerise


 

Post Mon, Jan 02 2023, 7:39 am
amother Brickred wrote:
How do you fit into a smaller space?

I cant see how I would survive without basement for junk, extra fridge/ freezer/ treadmill

smaller rooms, narrowwe mattresses, less closet space

how can I do it?

They're building triplex houses with basements in Beit Shemesh.
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Reality




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jan 02 2023, 8:15 am
amother Brickred wrote:
How do you fit into a smaller space?

I cant see how I would survive without basement for junk, extra fridge/ freezer/ treadmill

smaller rooms, narrowwe mattresses, less closet space

how can I do it?


I moved from a typical NYC house with a basement and a garage. Before moving, I got rid of probably 50% (or more) of my stuff. I either sold, donated, gave away or threw it all out. A year later, I can barely think of anything that I miss. Probably the only thing my kids missed were the old Purim costume box I forgot to put on our lift. I also forgot a couple of nice serving pieces. That's it out of all the mounds of stuff I got rid of.

It is so freeing and exhilarating not to be overburdened with extra possessions. With all that, we still have plenty of things. It's just the things we really use. Except all the winter hats and gloves and scarves that I previously posted about, lol!!

We don't have a second freezer yet. I live very close to amazing shopping so I don't feel the necessity to stock up. If I would, I have space in my husband's office to put a freezer.

You don't need to sleep on narrow beds. We brought our beds and they fit just fine in our typical apartment. I will be able to replace the mattresses here as well. American sizes are available here. If I do have to pay more, I will. It's a onetime expense. I think the comfort is worth it.

If you have less stuff, you need less closets! I bought beautiful closets for each bedroom and we have plenty of space for our stuff. You can buy closets that are the length of the entire room.
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Reality




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jan 02 2023, 8:18 am
amother Cerise wrote:
They're building triplex houses with basements in Beit Shemesh.


They are lovely. They are for the luxury buyer. I am not. While some American olim have the money to buy 3-4 story apartments, let's not make it seem like it is within the reach of your typical buyer.
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amother
Trillium


 

Post Mon, Jan 02 2023, 8:28 am
amother Clover wrote:
Reality, we sound similar type to you... Only difference is that we have tons of close family in Israel that are typical chareidi. We would love an open minded chareidi situation, but would feel like the black sheep of the family if we would veer towards DL/chardal.... Basically, we are Agudah type, open minded middle of the road yeshivish.
Would we find out place??


It’s not all or nothing
We sent our child to Israeli yeshiva high school with bagrut and the parent is chilled charedi.

There are enough of those in Israel. Many come originally from abroad, like France. So if you know the French community, they are pretty chilled there.

We were also recommended Rehovot (but haven’t moved yet).
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amother
Lightgray


 

Post Mon, Jan 02 2023, 9:11 am
It seems like you actually have a young-not teen-family.

So when you say you “moved with teens”, does that mean with 11/12/13 or do you mean 15/16/17?

Because that is night and day, two different worlds…
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Reality




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jan 02 2023, 10:33 am
amother Lightgray wrote:
It seems like you actually have a young-not teen-family.

So when you say you “moved with teens”, does that mean with 11/12/13 or do you mean 15/16/17?

Because that is night and day, two different worlds…


Nope. I had two kids in high school when we made aliyah.
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alakewoodmother




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Apr 18 2023, 9:05 pm
Hope I'm not beating a dead horse here, but Reality you sound very similar to me. We have been talking about aliyah for as long as I can remember. We always thought we couldn't afford it (like you, we can't even afford a pilot trip) and now (in the last year or so) I gave up my dream because I think my children are too old (a preschooler, two preteens, two high schoolers, and one post high school). So you've breathed new life into my dream of aliyah and I just wanted to ask you a few questions.

First of all you should know that I agree with you, I think in order to be successful you have to move to a community where your children will feel as comfortable as you can make it for them. So rbs really is our only consideration at this point.

1) Can you be more specific with regard to the different areas of rbs (alef, gimmel, daled, etc)? We are a Lakewood family, my husband and I are in our mid-forties, which area do you think would make the most sense to look at.
2) You mentioned that in terms of schools, you have children in both chareidi schools and DL schools, and that you find them hashkafically similar but the dress is different. Trying to figure out where my girls would best fit in. (My boys would definitely need a chareidi school, they are white shirt, black hat). Do you find, in the DL girls schools, that the girls all have access to videos, internet etc. My girls have very limited access to non Jewish videos and almost no access to the Internet. Even at this point my 15 year old complains that her whole class watches more and has more access than her, so I would love to not have to continue those arguments once we would move. On the flip side I'm worried that she'll find the chareidi girls very nerdy or too yeshivish (we are not super yeshivish, I just don't see the need to expose my kids to garbage). So I would love some guidance on what to expect from the different schools.
3) finances:. The real reason we never did this move has always been finances (among other things but finances were the biggest factor). Realistically speaking how much money would a family need to make this move? I know you are going to say it depends what your expectations are. We are not fancy, we do not have a giant house (but we do comfortably fit), we understand that things there are different and we will make do with less. So assuming that we're not looking for luxury but also don't want our kids decrying all the stuff they "could've had" in America, could you give me an estimate as to how much money we would need. (I know sal klita provides some money, but I'm not asking where the money should come from. Just the amount that you think realistically it takes.)
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