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Place for single mother and 3 kids (US)
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Kiwi13




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jan 13 2023, 3:04 am
Iymnok wrote:
Since you money that will become available in the foreseeable future, is there a free loan available in the Jewish community there? That should help with the down payment. Then your concern is the mortgage.


I have questions about whether I will see the money, and if so how much will be left. Hopefully enough for a minimal down payment (with manageable monthly payments… worried about killer PMI going this route. So many variables). I’m going to try when it’s time anyway. Free loan requires co-signers, as far as I know, which I don’t have. Listen, a purchase isn’t happening tomorrow. I have to get on top of health and job stuff first. I would love to jump into it now, but realistically it’s not going to happen right away, sad and worried as it makes me.
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amother
Jean


 

Post Fri, Jan 13 2023, 3:36 am
OP you sound much more sure now than you did on page 1. Please Hashem all the obstacles you spoke about should get smaller and one day you should be able to help others! Hug
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amother
Cinnamon


 

Post Fri, Jan 13 2023, 3:46 am
amother Yolk wrote:
The problem is that places with cheap rentals mostly have bad public schools (Detroit, Cleveland, Rochester, Waterbury, Cincinnati, Columbus...)

NYC you can probably get your kids into a Jewish private school for minimal tuition or even free if it's an unscrupulous school. You'd also get lots of benefits but rent is tough. You can try to live right outside of a Jewish community, walking distance but not so desired, and find a cheaper rental. People don't like to rent tho to people without income verification.

So I get prioritizing housing bc it's the biggest expense but keep in mind the public school district quality. You may want to compromise

Also think about public transportation. Some of the cheaper areas don't have accessible public transportation near the Jewish areas.

Last comment in favor of ny- they literally place people in hotels if they're assigned to a shelter. If you really need, you can get free housing at least to start. There's also a public housing development that has frum people if you apply for NYCHA housing. And you can get free meals from masbia, vouchers for a Brooklyn clothing shop from sister to sister, there's a beautiful children's shows gemach, and lots of free entertainment options and camps (city run, not religiously affiliated) in the summer.


NYC is a great place for the poor.


Detroit has a school called Eton Academy where the frum kids who can’t be placed in frum schools usually go. It’s specifically for high functioning special needs kids. Detroit has cheaper housing- but people in Lakewood and NY have already figured that out, so the prices are higher now. There isn’t public transportation or vouchers, but the community school (YBY/BY Detroit) takes care of everybody and the tuition committee is very fair. The committee is backed by the Jewish Federation in Detroit, which makes sure that every Jewish school of every denomination has what it needs to survive and some very generous donors. The school is not owned by a person, but by the frum community, which is why it can afford to take everyone who wants to follow the rules. Lastly, I was divorced with kids in Detroit and everyone was very kind to me.
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Kiwi13




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jan 13 2023, 3:48 am
amother Jean wrote:
OP you sound much more sure now than you did on page 1. Please Hashem all the obstacles you spoke about should get smaller and one day you should be able to help others! Hug


Amen. I still have no clue what’s flying half the time but things are starting to come together. There’s a semblance of a plan to aim for. I’m wowed by all of your support and I’m sorry if I missed some or even most of the messages here. I’m going through the darkest time in my entire life. And there have been some doozies. But nothing like this. I don’t know how people recover from this. But right now it’s all survival so I’m trying not to worry about recovery from anything.
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Kiwi13




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jan 13 2023, 3:49 am
Big huge shout out to naaleh cleveland to whom I owe much of my hope, if you can even call it that yet.
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amother
Lawngreen


 

Post Fri, Jan 13 2023, 5:41 am
I'm glad things are beginning to fall into place. You don't need to buy a house right away. A rented apartment can be a very stable home for a family. It's important to get a roof over your head. Don't get bogged down in whether you qualify for a mortgage just yet.

When you are settled into a job and schools, your track record of paying rent on time will help you with a house. Please don't rush into a financial commitment that ties up your funds.
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DVOM




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jan 13 2023, 5:50 am
Kiwi13 wrote:
I won't be able to put down the full 20% to avoid PMI, but I might be able to scrape by and make a purchase somehow, and then the monthly payments are less than rentals. I've been souring my options. Plus, rentals go up... I need something stable. I need to build a warm, stable home for my kids. I'm not dead yet. I can still try.


I know many stable and happy families who rent long term. Please don't think that home ownership is the only way to provide stability!

For kids, your their home. You can be the stable home for them in a rental apartment, or in someone's basement, or in a house you own, and they will feel safe and loved.
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Highstrung




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jan 13 2023, 7:11 am
Kiwi13 wrote:
Amen. I still have no clue what’s flying half the time but things are starting to come together. There’s a semblance of a plan to aim for. I’m wowed by all of your support and I’m sorry if I missed some or even most of the messages here. I’m going through the darkest time in my entire life. And there have been some doozies. But nothing like this. I don’t know how people recover from this. But right now it’s all survival so I’m trying not to worry about recovery from anything.

No advice . Just want to send you hugs. You have gone through so many dark periods in your life , it’s gut wrenching to hear that you are in the darkest time now, I can’t even imagine what kind of hellish experience that is. HaShem should send you a yeshua bekarov.
Hug Hug
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amother
Cognac


 

Post Fri, Jan 13 2023, 7:16 am
Kiwi I am in awe of you!

This was posted on a different thread - I have no personal info - but I wonder if they can be helpful in the divorce process, and getting access to the funds, making sure you get a Gett quickly.

https://thedscenter.org/

There is also sister to sister who I know about from them asking for funds, don't know if they actually provide the support that they claim that they do.
https://sistertosisternetwork.org/

I think candibots is a Jewish recruiting firm, they are out of Lakewood.
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Kiwi13




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jan 13 2023, 8:32 am
DVOM wrote:
I know many stable and happy families who rent long term. Please don't think that home ownership is the only way to provide stability!

For kids, your their home. You can be the stable home for them in a rental apartment, or in someone's basement, or in a house you own, and they will feel safe and loved.


True, and in some areas it makes sense. In Beachwood, rent tends to be $2800+ (for houses, since there aren't apartment complexed here... those are in University Heights), whereas mortgage payments would be hundreds less per month. The nearest apartments aren't in the school district that I need. It's not a thing here to rent a basement. Maybe for a student who's boarding at someone's house, but not for a family. The houses aren't set up for that like they are in places like NYC. I also worry about not having equity in a house again, and seeing how easy it would be to be priced out of Beachwood completely, I want to do everything in my power to make a permanent move.
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Kiwi13




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jan 13 2023, 8:35 am
amother Cognac wrote:
Kiwi I am in awe of you!

This was posted on a different thread - I have no personal info - but I wonder if they can be helpful in the divorce process, and getting access to the funds, making sure you get a Gett quickly.

https://thedscenter.org/

There is also sister to sister who I know about from them asking for funds, don't know if they actually provide the support that they claim that they do.
https://sistertosisternetwork.org/

I think candibots is a Jewish recruiting firm, they are out of Lakewood.


Yeah, I didn't love the answer I was given by a local rabbi not to worry about a get for a while because "it's not like you're getting married tomorrow." Seriously??

I don't think my husband is going to be the type to withhold, but that answer from a rabbi I used to trust made my skin crawl. Happens to be that it would be easier to get certain logistical things settled first and THEN finalize the divorce. But man, that answer when all I was calling about was to ask about the process....
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amother
Honey


 

Post Fri, Jan 13 2023, 8:39 am
Saw this on Local Jewish News - open jobs positions:

https://www.localjewishnews.co.....ions/
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amother
Honey


 

Post Fri, Jan 13 2023, 8:41 am
Kiwi13 wrote:
Yeah, I didn't love the answer I was given by a local rabbi not to worry about a get for a while because "it's not like you're getting married tomorrow." Seriously??

I don't think my husband is going to be the type to withhold, but that answer from a rabbi I used to trust made my skin crawl. Happens to be that it would be easier to get certain logistical things settled first and THEN finalize the divorce. But man, that answer when all I was calling about was to ask about the process....


Yeah, that would make me nervous too. It might be kdai to contact GET ORA.
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amother
Snowdrop


 

Post Fri, Jan 13 2023, 8:41 am
I saw you mention Naaleh.

What a chesed to the Cleveland community!
(I am a client, and so are/have been 3 of my immediate family members)

Just warning you that like any good organization, they can be hard to reach.
But daniel, rabbi h, and rabbi s are great, and they have wonderful frum therapists.
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amother
Snowdrop


 

Post Fri, Jan 13 2023, 8:43 am
Kiwi13 wrote:
Yeah, I didn't love the answer I was given by a local rabbi not to worry about a get for a while because "it's not like you're getting married tomorrow." Seriously??

I don't think my husband is going to be the type to withhold, but that answer from a rabbi I used to trust made my skin crawl. Happens to be that it would be easier to get certain logistical things settled first and THEN finalize the divorce. But man, that answer when all I was calling about was to ask about the process....


To be dan lekaf zechus, I assume the rabbi meant that you should first get your health in order and children settled before using energy to work on the get. I can hear how it could hurt, but I'm sure it wasn't intended to be insulting.
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Kiwi13




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jan 13 2023, 9:46 am
amother Snowdrop wrote:
To be dan lekaf zechus, I assume the rabbi meant that you should first get your health in order and children settled before using energy to work on the get. I can hear how it could hurt, but I'm sure it wasn't intended to be insulting.


Not the most helpful response but yeah sure. I agree he didn’t have bad intentions, but also wasn’t very sensitive to the situation at all, and I felt like a throwaway even though I grew up with him as my rabbi. In the span of a few minutes he managed to throw in some insulting info about family and hammer home how busy he is, without the “oh I’m so sorry, I’m here for you” that you might expect from someone who’s known you since you were in diapers. My disillusionment with the world is just skyrocketing by the minute.
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Kiwi13




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jan 13 2023, 9:47 am
amother Snowdrop wrote:
I saw you mention Naaleh.

What a chesed to the Cleveland community!
(I am a client, and so are/have been 3 of my immediate family members)

Just warning you that like any good organization, they can be hard to reach.
But daniel, rabbi h, and rabbi s are great, and they have wonderful frum therapists.


So far I only met Daniel. He’s amazing. He’s helping me organize a plan and get a case worker ASAP, apply for disability and all that.
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amother
Saddlebrown


 

Post Fri, Jan 13 2023, 10:14 am
Kiwi13 wrote:
I have questions about whether I will see the money, and if so how much will be left. Hopefully enough for a minimal down payment (with manageable monthly payments… worried about killer PMI going this route. So many variables). I’m going to try when it’s time anyway. Free loan requires co-signers, as far as I know, which I don’t have. Listen, a purchase isn’t happening tomorrow. I have to get on top of health and job stuff first. I would love to jump into it now, but realistically it’s not going to happen right away, sad and worried as it makes me.


You have so many worries right now. I wouldn't add buying a house to the mix. Finding a house, making an offer, getting a mortgage, going to contract and making a house functional and liveable all bring with them stress and headaches. So often you buy a house and find out something major needs expensive repairs you didn't expect. That happened to us twice even though we had the houses inspected before we bought. It wasn't easy to get over the financial mess.
I'm not trying to discourage you but I think it's not the place to start when you have so many other things to deal with. A rental that fills basic needs for you and your kids can turn into a cozy nest with a little love and attention. When you settle into a community you like and start to feel more like you're on solid ground you can undertake the next big project in your life, owning a house. I hope it happens for you in the best way possible.
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Kiwi13




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jan 13 2023, 10:24 am
I’m not sure how this derailed into rentals vs. purchases. It’s the same headache practically. Plus with a rental I’d likely have to move again in the not too distant future. I want the peace of mind of homeownership. I’m good at fixing most things that aren't too major. I would do a thorough inspection before a purchase. Beachwood isn’t the same as other cities. You can’t just rent an apartment here. It would be a house. I would still be mowing the lawn and shoveling the driveway (or at this point hiring someone else to). I would still have to furnish it and make it livable and pay utilities whether it’s my house or a rented house. Plus the money for the down payment is minimal at this point. Waiting longer risks losing it altogether. What’s hard to understand about the preference to buy, especially when we’re talking about a $600-800/month savings on mortgage payments vs. rentals.

You can disagree with me, but let’s leave this part of things aside for now please. It’s not like I’m moving anywhere tomorrow.
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NechaMom




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jan 13 2023, 10:31 am
Kiwi13 wrote:
I’m not sure how this derailed into rentals vs. purchases. It’s the same headache practically. Plus with a rental I’d likely have to move again in the not too distant future. I want the peace of mind of homeownership. I’m good at fixing most things that aren't too major. I would do a thorough inspection before a purchase. Beachwood isn’t the same as other cities. You can’t just rent an apartment here. It would be a house. I would still be mowing the lawn and shoveling the driveway (or at this point hiring someone else to). I would still have to furnish it and make it livable and pay utilities whether it’s my house or a rented house. Plus the money for the down payment is minimal at this point. Waiting longer risks losing it altogether. What’s hard to understand about the preference to buy, especially when we’re talking about a $600-800/month savings on mortgage payments vs. rentals.

You can disagree with me, but let’s leave this part of things aside for now please. It’s not like I’m moving anywhere tomorrow.

People commenting about it are probably also considering the fact that just yesterday you were looking for communities all over the US, so it’s pretty quick to make a life changing decision to buy a home and settle in Beachwood which makes your decision final. Renting for a couple of months would give you more time to see if it’s the right fit for you and your children.
But of course, it’s your life and your decision and the financial part makes sense.
You do seem to be in a better place than the beginning of the thread. Hashem should give you all the strength you need and more.
I wish you hatzlacha in every way and you should overcome all obstacles both big and small.


Last edited by NechaMom on Fri, Jan 13 2023, 10:38 am; edited 1 time in total
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