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Forum -> Household Management -> Finances
Can’t afford doctor?



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amother
OP


 

Post Tue, Jan 17 2023, 8:48 pm
I need to go to Dr. Andrew Goldstein for pain I have with intimacy. My marriage has been suffering terribly and I don’t know what else to do. Intimacy is completely unbearable for me. But, we can’t afford it.
I come from a well-off family, if I explained the situation to them my parents would probably be willing to help. But they are very into independence and make it on your own and won’t give without me explaining. Obviously, this is a very sensitive area that I don’t want to explain to my parents, and especially my father (he is wonderful, just don’t want to talk about intimacy with him. And he is in charge of the money)
I don’t feel it’s right to take handouts or tzeddakah when my family can probably help.
What would you do?
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amother
Blonde


 

Post Tue, Jan 17 2023, 8:51 pm
Can you tell your mom you have a Gyn issue that you need to see an out of pocket dr for ?
Maybe say some scar tissue from childbirth that needs addressing?
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amother
Silver


 

Post Tue, Jan 17 2023, 8:52 pm
Right can you say it’s a private medical issue but not say specifics?
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amother
Rainbow


 

Post Tue, Jan 17 2023, 8:53 pm
Getting help now before things can get worse chv should be priority. Can u tell your parents u need money without going I to detail? There are organizations that may help give u ideas, maybe atime. Reach out

Been there. Hugs
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amother
Silver


 

Post Tue, Jan 17 2023, 8:53 pm
Or do you have out of network benefits on your insurance?
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amother
Yellow


 

Post Tue, Jan 17 2023, 8:54 pm
Would u be open to talking to your mother? Not in details of course but maybe something like.. “I don’t want to go into details but I have an issue that I’ve been recommended to see a very specific specialist for” and also I’m sorry you are going through this. I hope u can see a yeshua
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ap




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 17 2023, 8:54 pm
Can you say it's for a doctor appointment without going into detail?

Hatzlocho!!!


Last edited by ap on Tue, Jan 17 2023, 8:55 pm; edited 1 time in total
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amother
Mayflower


 

Post Tue, Jan 17 2023, 8:54 pm
I would say it's a medical issue, or stretch the truth and make up a different vague issue. Desperate times call for desperate measures and there is a toeles for lying here.
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amother
Crocus


 

Post Tue, Jan 17 2023, 8:56 pm
amother Mayflower wrote:
I would say it's a medical issue, or stretch the truth and make up a different vague issue. Desperate times call for desperate measures and there is a toeles for lying here.


I’m not a Rabbi, but in my book, lying for money is called stealing.
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amother
Mayflower


 

Post Tue, Jan 17 2023, 8:58 pm
amother Crocus wrote:
I’m not a Rabbi, but in my book, lying for money is called stealing.


Glad you aren't one. This is lying to save a marriage and mental health, she can ask a rabbi I'm 99.9% sure she will be told she can based on everything I have learned.
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amother
Crocus


 

Post Tue, Jan 17 2023, 8:58 pm
I would quicker take money from Tzedakah than involve my parents in an intimacy issue. But you know your family.
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amother
Oatmeal


 

Post Tue, Jan 17 2023, 8:58 pm
Say you have a personal medical issue you need money for, maybe he can even loan it to you? Hopefully then he will give you the money without asking for repayment.
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amother
OP


 

Post Tue, Jan 17 2023, 9:04 pm
I think if I said something vague like a medical issue it would really scare my parents. And my mother would definitely try to find out what it is
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amother
NeonYellow


 

Post Tue, Jan 17 2023, 9:09 pm
Can you say gynecological complications and you’re in a lot of pain. It’s not dangerous but it hurts badly and needs to be taken care of for your quality of life. I doubt your parents will want to pry into the specifics.
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amother
Oak


 

Post Tue, Jan 17 2023, 9:59 pm
I had the same issue and my parents paid for Dr. Goldstein (plus all the other doctors and therapists before him)

My mother kept asking me if it hurts because a different family member had an issue that was not taken care of right away due to them not telling/asking for help.

So my situation is different and I didnt have a problem telling them, because I knew nothing and could not have managed without my mother's help and research, and money. She did not want my marriage to fall apart.

I dont know your situation but if your parents are nice and understanding and you recently got married, I dont see why you shouldnt tell them. They will support you and assist you. There is nothing to be ashamed of, unless your husband specifically doesnt want to. I give my husband credit here, it must have been hard, but he did tell his parents also.

There is no greater joy to parents than to help their children.
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