11 year old, gentle parenting?

giftedmom

Wed, Jan 18 2023, 3:07 pm

amother OP wrote:

I touch him and hug him all the time. He isn't missing touch. Not sure where that even comes in. If a child doesn't get hugged they will start exploring your body? That is just weird.

Anyways, I feel confident about the way I handled it under the circumstances.

He completely bounced back and me telling him that I was touched inappropriately did help him. I reassured him multiple times and he went back to his sunny self 🌞

If you’re confident then why did you open this thread saying that’s not the kind of parenting you want to do and asking for advice?

amother

NeonGreen

Wed, Jan 18 2023, 3:22 pm

giftedmom wrote:

Uh, yes!
This has nothing to do with adhd and everything to do with ops trauma

Op may have trauma that effects the way she handles her son. However children with adhd are more triggering then other kids. They need your attention and patience 100% of the time. It is much more difficult to parent a child like this. I think it is easier to lose your cool when the child does not give you a break. It's possible that op need to reconsider how to handle such a situation with her son. I feel that everyone was being way too harsh with her.

imaima

Wed, Jan 18 2023, 3:43 pm

amother OP wrote:

I think you overshared. A boy has no business knowing such things about his mother. Definitely not at 11.

amother

Wed, Jan 18 2023, 4:10 pm

giftedmom wrote:

If you’re confident then why did you open this thread saying that’s not the kind of parenting you want to do and asking for advice?

That was before I reassured him and before he calmed down. I also called a friend I trust who said I had done well. He pressed me about why I wasn't coming back in the room and I said that I am honoring my body and it didn't feel comfortable for me, that I am very sensitive to being touched. That calmed him down. He thought I was mad at him.

Also I don't think it came across in my first post how controlling he was being. I felt harassed. He kept saying "Mommy come in. Why can't you come in" and finally when I came in for another reason he started getting dressed and as soon as I left he stopped. It felt very controlling and manipulative and I didn't want to give in to that. But I did understand that underneath it was anxiety. He ended up coming more than an hour late to school because of this debacle.

mommyla

Wed, Jan 18 2023, 4:13 pm

amother OP wrote:

This doesn't sound like he was "exploring your body." Sounds more playful or just plain impulsive. He probably just wanted to tickle you or something. I think you are way overthinking this.

amother

Wed, Jan 18 2023, 4:17 pm

mommyla wrote:

This doesn't sound like he was "exploring your body." Sounds more playful or just plain impulsive. He probably just wanted to tickle you or something. I think you are way overthinking this.

Not tickling. He doesn't touch me ever. He touched me because it was my skin and because he knows how to get me. It did feel like exploring even though I don't think he meant it to be or that it was s-xual at all.

amother

Wed, Jan 18 2023, 4:18 pm

imaima wrote:

I think you overshared. A boy has no business knowing such things about his mother. Definitely not at 11.

I told him very benign things like I was touched on the subway and someone exposed themselves to me. The real stuff I didn't share.

imaima

Wed, Jan 18 2023, 4:22 pm

amother OP wrote:

I told him very benign things like I was touched on the subway and someone exposed themselves to me. The real stuff I didn't share.

Oh G-d.
It must be hard to be raising an impulsive male for you.

amother

Garnet

Wed, Jan 18 2023, 6:50 pm

I got lost by him taking a while to put on his underwear. I have a bunch of sons and past age 5 or 6, maybe 8 in an emergency, I am not in the room with them if they have no underwear on.

amother

Wed, Jan 18 2023, 7:49 pm

amother Garnet wrote:

I got lost by him taking a while to put on his underwear. I have a bunch of sons and past age 5 or 6, maybe 8 in an emergency, I am not in the room with them if they have no underwear on.

Exactly this. He dawdles and touches himself in front of me. I tell him all the time that it's ok by himself, not when I'm in the room... In one ear. Out the other... He crosses the hall into the bathroom naked. He really lacks boundaries.

amother

Valerian

Wed, Jan 18 2023, 7:54 pm

amother OP wrote:

Does he have a therapist? He sounds like he can benefit from social skills training. I'm concerned that boys will make fun of him or have issues with these boundaries in camp. Like if everyone is getting dressed for swimming they will be disturbed watching him play with himself. Also if he has sisters in the house it's a big issue.

amother

Wed, Jan 18 2023, 7:59 pm

amother Valerian wrote:

He is socially saavy enough not to. I get special treatment. Maybe he also knows it bothers me so it's more fun to do it in front of me. He was always sensory and sometimes sleeps naked (which doesn't bother me at all)

amother

Garnet

Wed, Jan 18 2023, 8:56 pm

amother OP wrote:

I understand. It's tough, I'm sorry. I don't run to medication but maybe he can benefit from it (if he isn't already on)?

amother

Wed, Jan 18 2023, 9:04 pm

amother Garnet wrote:

I understand. It's tough, I'm sorry. I don't run to medication but maybe he can benefit from it (if he isn't already on)?

Of course, yes 😟

Today was such a doozy. That was just the beginning of a great day with him. Anyways good night all!