I had much less children than I wanted.

Log in / Sign Up

List of Forums + New Post Recipe Box Usergroups Following My Posts Bookmarks

Private Messages Advanced Search Rules New User Guide FAQ Advertise Contact Us

Forum -> Household Management -> Finances

View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother

Mon, Jan 23 2023, 10:54 am

I always dreamed of having a very large family. Because of finances (I never spoke with my family about this ) we stopped after a few children. I always wonder if G-d would have blessed me more with a better life financially if we would have brought more children into the world. No vacations, Even weekly grocery shopping is still really hard. Opinions?

amother

Garnet

Mon, Jan 23 2023, 10:58 am

Very valid feeling. We had no money and somehow Hashem sent us the money when we had our first. With our second, we really had nothing. It was right when Covid hit and my husband was laid off right after purim since his work place shut down and I was on bed rest. We didn't know how we were paying rent. Hashem sent emergency benefits and we really pulled through that period. We don't live luxuriously with we did manage by some miracle to buy a house. We had some really rough patches after that and almost seeing the light at the end of the tunnel on some of those ends.
I have this fear of what if I have more, how can I afford?
If Hashem gives me more kids, I believe he will send me what I need. He comes through in the craziest situations and can come through on this too

amother

Jetblack

Mon, Jan 23 2023, 11:03 am

Don’t second guess yourself now…

scintilla

Mon, Jan 23 2023, 11:13 am

Really what is the point of anyone's opinions at this point? You made your decision (I'm assuming that it's too late at this point to change anything) and believed it to be the correct one then. Now Hashem has determined your parnasah to be at a certain level. No way to know what would have been...

Do I personally believe that every child creates an opening for more blessings from above including parnasah? Sure. But what's the point of me telling you that - so you can beat yourself up? Please don't Smile

it's so easy to look back and think, if only I had done it this way. But what's done is done and it's all hashgacha pratis.

May Hashem bless you with ample parnasa!

amother

Navyblue

Mon, Jan 23 2023, 11:19 am

You did the best you could with your circumstances. Maybe you would be worse off with more kids. Who knows.

amother

Diamond

Mon, Jan 23 2023, 11:30 am

I also have less children than I wanted for different reasons. My husband was one of those who never helped and like a lump on a log, refused to engage and didn't want more kids. It took years until he pitched in. After I turned 40, he finally said let's have more. But by then, I no longer trusted him (his change was only recent) and I had no more physical strength to go through it alone.

Now, it is too late and I look back and wish my family were bigger. It is what it is. You make the best decision that you can at that time with the resources available to you then. You did your best. Don't let these thoughts torture you. And maybe soon you can look forward to grandchildren! That's what I tell myself even though my kids aren't even yet marriagable age!

amother

Yolk

Mon, Jan 23 2023, 12:07 pm

No one can really know, what could of / would of been.

TwinsMommy

Mon, Jan 23 2023, 12:38 pm

what may or may not help you is babysitting and/or volunteering to work with children in some capacity.

We went through years of infertility, by a true nes had boy/girl twins via IVF in 2007, and never had more (though because both twins have multiple special needs we decided not to do FET or even IVF all over again. We're in over our head with these two.) I had REALLY wanted more but when it became more and more clear that we were done, and I had the urge to spend time with babies and toddlers, babysitting really helped me. I'm turning 49 now and content with my two and thankful that more than one Rav told us we had our boy and our girl--- we did our mitzvah. Even if neither of them get married or have children, we did what we were supposed to do and HaShem gave us who we were supposed to have.

amother

Bronze

Wed, Jan 25 2023, 10:25 am

amother OP wrote:

please be your own best friend.
Hashem put the thoughts into your head not to have more children. if a baby would have been meant to be born to you and husband, any birth control would not work. the end.

zaq

Wed, Jan 25 2023, 10:50 am

Ultimately, whatever happens was meant to be. Pointless to agonize over what's done and can't be changed.

Page 1 of 1