Ugh I feel so guilty- sleep training

amother

Plum

Wed, Jan 25 2023, 10:51 pm

amother Ebony wrote:

I’m hesitant to post on this thread any specific studies but feel free to peruse and delve into the subject. A cursory search should give you a lot of information.

Usually people are very forthcoming with good advice and will direct others to the proper resources. Seems strange…

As I’ve mentioned multiple times, I haven’t found “a lot of information” on the subject of sleep training and research on individual methods. And no one has lead me to those studies. If you’re not willing to share where you’ve obtained your knowledge and how I can be further educated on the subject, I guess that’s that.

ETA: Whoever is pounding the “hug” button as a dislike, please grow up. That’s not it’s intended use. We get it—you’re anti sleep training. Sheesh.

amother

Blue

Thu, Jan 26 2023, 12:19 am

amother Ebony wrote:

12 hours by 12 weeks is an awful book. It’s not written with the current medical advice and is so outdated.

I’m surprised to hear this. I read this book and didn’t find it to be abusive whatsoever. It doesn’t encourage crying. It’s much more a schedule thing. I actually read this book and planned to follow it but ironically my baby started sleeping through the night while I was reading it. My friends family and neighbors all recommended it and loved it (that’s how I heard about it in the first place)

amother

Linen

Thu, Jan 26 2023, 12:31 am

amother Jade wrote:

It is age appropriate for a 7 month old to sleep through the night, IF it happens on it's own without any training or intervention. It is natural for a baby to wake up in the night, especially if baby just needs a drink and goes right back to sleep. It's not mom shaming (a term that some on here love to use) to say this.
Birth trauma for a baby is very real. Don't add the trauma of sleep training by letting them cry themselves to sleep. That's negligent parenting.
It's unfortunate that many first time mom's think that it's a normal thing to let babies cry themselves to sleep. They need to be informed.

yup, I wish I would have had this info with my first...
my first was colicky, had an unknown tongue tie etc...
and I thought I was doing something wrong that he wasn't sleeping through the night
I "sleep trained" him and you never know what causes what but he has a very difficult, negative personality...don't worry, we still love him Smile

and he has very good qualities also...but he's not easygoing, happy go lucky and doesn't make friends easily (like some of my others B'H - that were NOT sleep trained)

amother

Ebony

Thu, Jan 26 2023, 1:00 am

amother Blue wrote:

Feeding a baby on a schedule of every four hours isn’t recommended anymore. Demand feeding is the current medical recommendation. It’s not breastfeeding friendly at all. There is no inherent good or worth for a baby to be stuck alone in a crib for 12 hours. That’s actually not beneficial for their social and emotional development.

It’s a rigid approach that doesn’t have baby’s best interest in mind. It’s good for the mom who doesn’t want to have to deal with their infant for half of a 24 hour period.

amother

Turquoise

Thu, Jan 26 2023, 4:26 am

amother Ebony wrote:

I have suffered from severe sleep deprivation and bh have a lots of littles and older kids as well. I did a lot of research on this topic and am trying to be helpful so that moms can avoid common pitfalls that can leave lasting damage unfortunately or at the very least cause suffering to a baby in the here and now.
There are so many gentle sleep training methods that we don’t need to resort to cruel and neglectful methods.

Unfortunately in our frum society it takes a long time for the newest research to become commonplace. Education is key to moms making better choices for their babies.

Ferber, CIO, 12 hours by 12 weeks, are all very damaging methods. A caring mom would want to know to avoid these methods. They are all outdated, old school and really bad advice. They each have a bit of a different twist and we can break it down if someone wishes. What they all have in common is that they aren’t good for baby.

My goal isn’t to put anyone down it’s just to avoid babies from having unnecessary suffering .
I hope your baby thrives and you get a lot of sleep. Very Happy

You’ve still not explained why it’s harmful. And I’ve not seen there is no understanding verbal current medical advice, you keep repeating that it’s wrong and bad for the baby but you don’t say why.
I followed the baby whisperer book but modified it constantly to fit my babies needs. I would feed her every time she was hungry which generally was every 3 hours as the book recommends, if she wanted more often I would feed her more, if she didn’t want to eat I would wait until she was hungry. But I used the book as a framework to structure her day.
It also taught me how to listen to her cues and crying patterns and to respond to her every need, before I read the book I had no clue how to respond to every type of crying and I would literally freeze and shut down when she cried.
As for sleeping thorough the night, I didn’t aim for the 12 hours she claims that some babies can do at 3 weeks!!! I would put her to sleep for the night as she wished, if I saw that she wasn’t tired I would wait a bit to put her to sleep for the night, if I put her to sleep and she wasn’t falling asleep, I would play with her and cuddle for another half hour and try again and if she seemed hungry again I would feed her again. But she already sleeps up to 11 hours a night now that she is 4 months. Often less because I adapt according to what she wants.
Before I started this method, she would only fall asleep on me, which I know is lovely for the baby, it wasn’t sustainable and was warned by my (not old school) doctor that if she gets used to sleeping on me it won’t be sustainable and it’ll be traumatic for both of us when it comes to the point where I was desperate for her to sleep in her crib. So I had to learned other soothing techniques so that she could fall asleep on her own.
Please tell me in your opinion, where I went wrong?

bat1

Thu, Jan 26 2023, 7:08 am

amother Dandelion wrote:

Is there anything to do to address the birth trauma? I would look into that first before using sleep training which can layer on to that trauma. But this is just my opinion. And u need to do what works for you.

didn't read through entire thread yet, but yes, please address birth trauma and be nice to your baby and yourself. try 3D therapy or something like that.
adn re do what works, no, the mom has to take care of the baby too, we tell all moms these days, dww, but then curse out the previous generation o moms who didnt take our needs into consideration. so though I am crying for your trauma and crazy birth story, you are still the adult responsible to fill your baby's emotional needs.
Also, I don't blv in sleep training before a year, and even then only with staying with baby in room

amother

Ebony

Thu, Jan 26 2023, 12:34 pm

amother Turquoise wrote:

If you aren’t following a rigid schedule and are feeding by demand, you are doing great. Instead of watching the clock look at your baby and follow her cues. From what your describing it sounds like you are adapting to your baby and her individual needs. At 4 months old if a baby wakes up in middle of the night, I would feed them. Breastfeeding is for thirst, hunger and comfort. Good luck!