Finance shaming | Imamother

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Finance shaming

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Ema of 5

Thu, Jan 26 2023, 9:15 am

amother Tuberose wrote:

Why when people wonder at other's spending habits are they immediately called jealous?
Maybe because it helps them justify what they are doing...

Why is it your business how other people spend their money? No one needs to justify to you why they do something or how they spend their money.

amother

Cognac

Thu, Jan 26 2023, 9:15 am

amother Tuberose wrote:

Saving=stingy
Interesting attitude

You really like to speak in extremes

That’s not what I said is it? Stingy is not allowing anyone to spend or enjoy money. Which is what you said you do. You said you save and therefore everyone is wrong for not saving their money. I find you to be the most extreme on this thread. Especially with demanding a separate forum so that you don’t have to know people are spending instead of saving.

amother

Cognac

Thu, Jan 26 2023, 9:17 am

amother Tuberose wrote:

Why when people wonder at other's spending habits are they immediately called jealous?
Maybe because it helps them justify what they are doing...

No one has to justify spending their own available money. That’s ludicrous. Only you demand that anyone justifies anything.

Chayalle

Thu, Jan 26 2023, 9:20 am

amother Cognac wrote:

No one has to justify spending their own available money. That’s ludicrous. Only you demand that anyone justifies anything.

Actually, after 120 they will indeed have to justify their spending, along with all other decisions they made during their lifetime.
But yeah, no one owes anyone down here a Din V'Cheshbon.

amother

Cognac

Thu, Jan 26 2023, 9:21 am

Chayalle wrote:

Actually, after 120 they will indeed have to justify their spending, along with all other decisions they made during their lifetime.
But yeah, no one owes anyone down here a Din V'Cheshbon.

Well yeah but no one here is g-d so…

amother

Tuberose

Thu, Jan 26 2023, 9:48 am

amother Cognac wrote:

Well yeah but no one here is g-d so…

I meant Justify to Themselves.

And it is people's business what others accustom themselves to because if they fall on hard times, others are now expected to support them in the way that they are accustomed.

Ema of 5

Thu, Jan 26 2023, 9:55 am

amother Tuberose wrote:

So when you are asked to support them, then you can think about it. If you are not being asked to support them, it’s not your business.

amother

DarkGreen

Thu, Jan 26 2023, 10:15 am

I sometimes see situations where women are complaining... about their financial situations and also say that they are pregnant and have 5 kids under the age of 10. Or they are wondering how other families afford things that they can't... Know that you are blessed with many children and it seems you are fine with it because you are not on birth control, beautiful for you, you are blessed but obviously money will be tight. Why is it so hard for people to understand that having many children will mean less money for extras. Children are a blessing and they also cost a lot of money.
Some of us are not so blessed and suffer from infertility, or have a husband we don't want to procreate with........ so we have extra money to spend on extras. Just because I buy my child an expensive coat doesn't mean that you have to. Teach your child that everybody has their lot in life and they don't need to compare themselves to others. Look at your own life and see how blessed you are instead of being jealous of everybody who you THINK has more than you.
Also, tzeddakah organizations have to stop collecting money for luxuries. Nobody is entitled to have luxuries. It is warped interpetation to say that you have to buy a chassan Ferragamo shoes because that's what EVERYBODY gets. The son of the middle class family who isn't begging for tzeddakah but could only afford the $80 shoes is suddenly feeling poor and also has to spend $600 on shoes because EVERYBODY has them.

Ema of 5

Thu, Jan 26 2023, 10:26 am

amother DarkGreen wrote:

I sometimes see situations where women are complaining... about their financial situations and also say that they are pregnant and have 5 kids under the age of 10. Or they are wondering how other families afford things that they can't... Know that you are blessed with many children and it seems you are fine with it because you are not on birth control, beautiful for you, you are blessed but obviously money will be tight. Why is it so hard for people to understand that having many children will mean less money for extras. Children are a blessing and they also cost a lot of money.
Some of us are not so blessed and suffer from infertility, or have a husband we don't want to procreate with........ so we have extra money to spend on extras. Just because I buy my child an expensive coat doesn't mean that you have to. Teach your child that everybody has their lot in life and they don't need to compare themselves to others.1/b] Look at your own life and see how blessed you are instead of being jealous of everybody who you THINK has more than you.
Also, tzeddakah organizations have to stop collecting money for luxuries. Nobody is entitled to have luxuries. It is warped interpetation to say that you have to buy a chassan Ferragamo shoes because that's what EVERYBODY gets. [b]The son of the middle class family who isn't begging for tzeddakah but could only afford the $80 shoes is suddenly feeling poor and also has to spend $600 on shoes because EVERYBODY has them.

Some people who are blessed with multiple children didn’t intend to have multiple children. Take a lesson from your own words. Don’t look at what other people have. Everyone is allowed to ask about what they want to ask about, and complain about what they want to complain about. Because there are so many women here, and different TYPES of women, someone is bound to be hurt or offended frequently. But it’s not personal. It’s not like someone is coming specifically to the woman suffering with a bad marriage and asking or complaining about her wonderful husband. No one is going to the woman suffering from infertility and asking or complaining about children. You feel what you feel because it’s what you feel, not because someone else is making you feel that way. We aren’t talking about bullying, we are talking about everyday life. Looking at what someone else has or does and feeling inadequate because of it is on that individual, not on the individual who has or does. Again we shouldn’t do things JUST for others to look at us and talk about us, but if we have the ability, there is no reason why we shouldn’t do something. I’m not going to not go away with my husband for a night because someone else is in a bad marriage or because someone else can’t afford it. I’m not going to not ask about which restaurant to go to because someone else can’t afford to go out to eat. In real life I would be careful who I am asking these questions to, but this is not real life, and we can’t do that here.

amother

Tuberose

Thu, Jan 26 2023, 10:38 am

amother Cognac wrote:

Nope I didnt say that. Pls quote where I said that. Being frugal and liking savings in the bank does not mean that I am stingy and don't enjoy spending it. And I do. Within limits. I dont need to spend gobs of money to be happy. Obviously others do.

amother

Tuberose

Thu, Jan 26 2023, 10:39 am

Ema of 5 wrote:

So when you are asked to support them, then you can think about it. If you are not being asked to support them, it’s not your business.

Lol. I already have been. Multiple times. There are constantly people asking for $ for this family and that family who lived the high life until everything came crashing down on them.

amother

DarkGreen

Thu, Jan 26 2023, 10:39 am

Ema of 5 wrote:

I'm not sure why you're attacking me. I was just giving an example of threads I often see here. I wasn't talking about my own private life. Just reminding people to count their blessings and stop looking at others and thinking everybody has it better then them.

amother

Cognac

Thu, Jan 26 2023, 10:53 am

amother Tuberose wrote:

Nope I didnt say that. Pls quote where I said that. Being frugal and liking savings in the bank does not mean not that I am stingy and don't enjoy spending it. And I do. Within limits. I dont need to spend gobs of money to be happy. Obviously others do.

Maybe you should give it all to tzedakah. And maybe you need your own forum to discuss your mass amounts of savings. Remind me how you made the rules about who is allowed to spend what? Your entire attitude is absurd. And yes only stingy people have massive savings while ranting about how people are spending.

amother

Kiwi

Thu, Jan 26 2023, 11:46 am

amother Cognac wrote:

Even if she’s not giving it all to tzedakah (after maaser or Chomesh), at least she’s not creating a need for tzedaka by upping the standards, as evidenced by the story of the chosson who felt he needed designer shoes because all his friends had designer shoes.

amother

Nemesia

Thu, Jan 26 2023, 11:53 am

The entire point of flaunting your money is to make other people jealous. Stop pretending otherwise.

amother

Foxglove

Thu, Jan 26 2023, 1:10 pm

amother Cognac wrote:

Some people are frugal bec they don't have any extra money. They certainly don't have savings. Would you call them stingy?

amother

Pear

Thu, Jan 26 2023, 2:25 pm

amother Cognac wrote:

I see so many examples here of stinginess and people call it frugal. And I get that stingy people don’t necessarily see their own stinginess. Don’t conflate the two. And I grew up super rich but no one knew because we didn’t flaunt it. So I’m hyper aware of the differences between simple, frugal and stingy. And many people from certain countries are stingy.

I really don't get your attitude.
Rich people should spend what they want and it's not called flaunting because they can afford it. I can accept that you think that way.

But why are you consistently calling people who choose not to spend their money that way stingy? It isn't stinginess. It's a matter of priorities. The same way spending is not flaunting. It's a matter of priorities.

Why can't you accept that the same way you want people to accept the way you spend, they want you to accept the way they spend? whether they can afford it or not?

And I'm quite curious to know which countries are the stingy ones.

amother

Tan

Fri, Jan 27 2023, 5:02 am

amother Kiwi wrote:

I just wish the wealthy would have their own neighborhoods and shuls and schools so dh and I don’t have to feel like failures in our Toyotas and no name brand shoes.

Honestly do you think that would make you feel better? If you really do feel like a failure because you drive a Toyota and have no brand shoes, you need to check if the problem lies in you. I am “wealthy” and I drive a Toyota and wear Target shoes because they work for me and I truly don’t care.

Ema of 5

Fri, Jan 27 2023, 8:19 am

amother Tan wrote:

Honestly I think the segregation would only enhance feelings of inadequacy. The haves and have nots would be much more apparent. I wouldn’t want to be part of either exclusive community.

amother

Wine

Fri, Jan 27 2023, 9:13 am

amother Tan wrote:

Yes because this is typically how most people live since they are for the most part living in neighborhoods where they can afford the housing - so people are going to be like them

There is a huge difference between knowing that there are wealthy people because you see them in media and actually having to deal constantly with people's whose lifestyles are completely different because of the financial disparity. This is especially true for children and teenagers because those are the ages when it is most difficult to be different from peers - and when the reality is that there are cliques.

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