Sharing a loss with the kids

amother

Sat, Jan 28 2023, 10:00 pm

Unfortunately our friends lost a young child and I dont know how to tell my kids. We aren't incredibly close with the family but my kids speak about them often since our babies are the same age. My 6yr old has shared anxiety about death in the past and is very anxious child. I don't know how to share the news. It was sudden. I wish I could avoid the conversation all together but it's either I tell them or they will hear it eventually.

amother

Amethyst

Sat, Jan 28 2023, 10:07 pm

Please tell them!
I know it’s painful but you are the mother here and you need to tell your children. Pull yourself together and tell them in a calm factual way. Six year olds are young. They don’t need a lot of details. Just share what happened and then ask your child if he/she wants to ask you any questions.

Good luck! And may you never have to share bad news agains

Redbird

Sat, Jan 28 2023, 10:19 pm

When my daughter's friend's mother died, a professional from chai lifeline had a conference call with all the class mothers on how to break the news.

I'm pasting in the notes I took, they are sloppy but you'll get the point.

--

Don't project your challenges on to your kids.
Meet them where there at.

Find a calm teachable moment.
Say it direct and clear. [That she died / was niftar]
Her neshama in a better place, she's not in pain, but were sad because the family misses her.

We don't know what happened, but it's something that almost never happens
Don't say "special neshama" because we don't want kids to be afraid that special people will die

People want to hear the l details of the story for a sense of control.

Validate emotions, I'm scared and sad too.

Reassure - this is not something that normally happens.

I'm here for you for any questions

Nechama means to change perspective. It a changes relationship. Now you can Do stuff lilui nishmasa