If I opened my search to the entire US...

Kiwi13

Sun, Jan 29 2023, 10:44 pm

amother Milk wrote:

OY op this is so hard...
If you’re considering NY, look into comfort health services (thru hamaspik) for support with your medical needs.
With self direction (opwdd services) you can be eligible for rent assistance, but I think that’s only for kids above a certain age.
And there are so many school options, so yes it can be expensive to rent/buy, but you can get your special ed tuition reimbursed.

Many hugs and Good luck figuring it all out ❤️ ❤️❤️❤️

OPWDD is unreliable and runs at a snail's pace, at least in Rochester. We were on the wait list for self direction for over 2 years (!!!!) and we were supposed to get thousands of dollars back in family reimbursement and at the end of the year when they finally processed our documents we were told that, oops, they ran out of money, too bad. I'm not banking on anything OPWDD tells me. I jumped through endless hoops - meetings and documents and so on and on... we got a little bit of help with respite services, but it almost never worked out because we have other children, and the respite worker is only allowed to watch the child with disabilities. They've got to fix the whole system.

Regarding a support system, I need to build one up. I don't have much anywhere. I have a few close friends who would be supportive if I lived near them, but they're scattered all across the globe. I guess I'm wondering, am I supposed to have a support system someplace? Kind of feeling like a failure for not having one. I was starting to build one in Israel, a pretty strong one, actually, but that's out of the question now.

Kiwi13

Sun, Jan 29 2023, 10:51 pm

amother Black wrote:

I want to add a big caveat about Jewish special education. Do not move without a firm assurance about your child being accepted. I know quite a few people whose kids were not able to be accommodated in various programs. This is especially true for children whose behavioral needs exceed that of the mainstream classroom but whose academic skills are too high for the special education class. I know two children who were rejected from a well regarded program that claims to serve that gap, too. (Another was accepted but with no financial aid.)

This is a harsh reality and I am sorry. Some RW schools will try to force a child to fit a mold, or insist parents pay for a shadow. More centrist and modern schools will say they will not accept a child they do not feel comfortable serving.

My assumption is that two of my children will be in public school, and honestly they won't succeed in a mainstream class or in an ill-equipped integration class. The vast majority of Jewish day schools can't provide what they need. I'm not blind to that, and I respect schools who know their limits (and communicate them kindly). I won't move anywhere without a decent public school district. My daughter will be in a Jewish day school, no problem. On Shabbos I took her on a play date and chatted with the mother of the other girl and found out there was a call to action on the school WhatsApp group to find out who this new girl is and how to get a play date with her, since she's evidently already that popular after one week of school! I need to learn her ways...

(I also hope beyond hope that her well-adjustedness says something good about me as a mother.)

justforfun87

Sun, Jan 29 2023, 10:52 pm

amother Latte wrote:

100% Baltimore has Jewish schools for special ed. and some of our schools have special ed classrooms within the school. Baltimore City, you can get a home for 200k or under (also over, but a house on my block just sold for under 200k this year. And it was in great condition. The issue is, if you need public school, you don't want Balt. City, you'd want county.

I know South Bend and honestly that's where I would move if we ever leave Baltimore (I hope we never do!). I'm a chicagoan who practically grew up in Milwaukee... South Bend sounds great for you. It has everything you want and need. Maybe aside from the strong support for single moms. No one can beat baltimore in terms of their support for single moms.

How could you live in Baltimore and say we have special needs schools? There are hundreds of kids in public school. Physical disabilities maybe could go to Jewels. Behavioral issues... nope.

Kiwi13

Sun, Jan 29 2023, 10:54 pm

amother Snapdragon wrote:

You need to be out of the house you’re living in, or the community? It does seem like a lot of moves for your kids, I wonder if there’s any way to make your current place work? Have you tapped into the resources available there?

Yes, the community. It's not the community's fault, but it's unhealthy for me to be here. I also can't afford it, and there's no possibility of affording it in any reasonable timeframe. And yes, I need to be out of the house I'm in now. Very likely I won't be able to stay much longer anyway. They don't enjoy having children in the house and are increasingly frustrated with the kids even just existing in the house.

Kiwi13

Sun, Jan 29 2023, 10:56 pm

justforfun87 wrote:

How could you live in Baltimore and say we have special needs schools? There are hundreds of kids in public school. Physical disabilities maybe could go to Jewels. Behavioral issues... nope.

Good to know. My kids have behavioral and cognitive issues in addition to physical.

amother

Snapdragon

Sun, Jan 29 2023, 10:57 pm

Kiwi13 wrote:

Got it. I wonder if there are resources available in terms of financial aspects. If it’s not healthy for you to be there I guess thats a different story. Was just wondering if there’s a way for you to separate yourself from the unhealthy aspects but I guess maybe it’s not that big a community.

Wishing you lots of luck.

Kiwi13

Sun, Jan 29 2023, 11:00 pm

There are a few single moms in South Bend I've been put in contact with. I'm trying to take things step by step. I have a trip planned for very soon, and hopefully I'll get a sense for the community and schools and resources available. Nowhere is perfect, but I have a strong gut feeling that South Bend is as close to checking all our boxes as any place can be (barring if we win the lottery or something, and even then it's still a great choice.).

Kiwi13

Sun, Jan 29 2023, 11:01 pm

amother Snapdragon wrote:

Thanks. Cleveland is pretty big, but the area we need to stay within in order to keep our kids in the public schools that can serve them is very small and way too expensive.

amother

Snapdragon

Sun, Jan 29 2023, 11:04 pm

Kiwi13 wrote:

Thanks. Cleveland is pretty big, but the area we need to stay within in order to keep our kids in the public schools that can serve them is very small and way too expensive.

Just to clarify because other posters might have the same question.. if you could afford to live in that area , would you be content to stay there? I’m not so familiar with Cleveland resources but I know a lot of communities have supports or ways for people to rally together money for something like this.. gemachs or something. Might be worth looking into if that’s really the biggest concern. I know moving can be a lot on kids so just a thought! Especially since your daughter seems to be adjusting so nicely. Otherwise south bend does sound promising from the way you’re describing it.

amother

Snapdragon

Sun, Jan 29 2023, 11:10 pm

Kiwi13 wrote:

No. I can't stay in Cleveland. It's not a good place for ME to raise MY family. It's not a knock on the community as a whole. Without my specific set of circumstances, it's a wonderful place to be. For ME it's not.

Got it, makes sense.

Thanks for clarifying

amother

Milk

Sun, Jan 29 2023, 11:15 pm

Kiwi13 wrote:

its true that these things take a while- but 2 years for opwdd approval sounds like someone messed up/didn’t submit things in time or something... that’s really crazy...
The difference in NYC though is dealing with frum ppl that are here to help you and there are many established respite programs.

Good luck!

Kiwi13

Mon, Jan 30 2023, 12:09 am

amother Milk wrote:

To be fair, we started the process in late 2019 and then came all the COVID shut downs. But it still shouldn't have taken 2 years. I gave up in 2022 because we were making Aliyah. I was told we only had a few more months to go.

And yes, there were many problems with our paperwork because initially the head of the department took our file, which was great until he was too busy to do anything and kept dropping the ball, and then a bunch of new hires kept quitting and they were miserably understaffed. I was so tired of hearing that it wasn't anybody's fault. That might be true on some level, but it was still MY problem and I'd been fed so much false hope.

byisrael

Mon, Jan 30 2023, 2:43 am

Kiwi - I really really recommend NYC. It is an awful place to live as middle class, but a great place to be poor.

There are large 1 bedroom, and even two apartments in Marine Park in the 1,500 -2,000 $, there are rent assistance programs like ERAP, Section 8 ect, that you may eventually be able to get, and the infrastructure in NYC is unmatched. If you join a warm shul ( they exist) you can have community - I saw this with my grandparents who moved there from another area of Flatbush, and the warmth and sense of community they experience is incredible.
And there are tons of single moms in NYC that you can connect with - there are facebook groups you can join fir more info.. There is a good public transport infrastructure, so you wont need a car. Great Medical services.

There is also so much Frum special needs support infrastructure that can really help you, beside for just schools. And organizations that can help you get what you should be getting from OPWDD. NYC and Mass are THE best places for people with disabilities nationwide. And NYC is unmatched with frum support.

I know NYC has a stigma of being snobby, expensive and exclusionary, but all those people have moved to Lakewood - its the "new OOT".

I get not wanting to get out of the housing market - it may be worthwhile to purchase an investment property somewhere affordable, and less urban, where you can live when you outgrow the need for such intense services for your kids.

I am in Israel but I have family in NYC and in some of the other places you mentioned and there is really nothing like what you will get there in Milwaukee, Southbound, or Detroit.

amother

Latte

Mon, Jan 30 2023, 6:38 am

justforfun87 wrote:

How could you live in Baltimore and say we have special needs schools? There are hundreds of kids in public school. Physical disabilities maybe could go to Jewels. Behavioral issues... nope.

I was referring Jewels and the classrooms in Bnos, TA, BY. I don’t know about OP’s children or that their special needs are behavioral. We have good resources for special needs (ie learning needs). If her kid’s needs are behavioral then I agree we don’t have. Does anyone?

amother

DarkGray

Mon, Jan 30 2023, 6:56 am

amother Jean wrote:

Can you share about the special Ed services at Yeshiva Beth Yehuda? I saw their website and wanted to know what kind of services they offer, what type of special needs students (severity, diagnoses)?

OT and speech in the preschool. There’s a full service resource room in both girls and boys schools. There’s a Jewish federation program that helps subsidize an aide for a child who needs. Severity and diagnoses- I know there are kids with behavioral issues, ADHD, and some autism at school. It’s not anything near what you can get in NYC or Lakewood, obviously, but the school does its best to service the kids in the community. As I said, some kids who need other specialized services, end up going to Eton Academy. Some just temporarily, others as permanent thing.