Happiness within Chaos

amother

Fri, May 28 2021, 11:16 am

My main goal in parenting was to create a happy home. And I’m so sad that it isn’t so.

My children are rowdy, hyperactive and chaotic. They often break things (including the home), fight and bicker.
They laugh a lot. But that’s not happiness. I know the vibe and atmosphere in our home isn’t the happiness I desire in my home. I often have music going but it doesn’t help.

How can I maintain a light atmosphere and happiness while they’re breaking the house, running around hours past their bedtime, hurting each other or other chaotic behavior?

I know I’m making my home sound dysfunctional but it’s actually quite structured, yet my children are beyond energetic to put it very mildly. I know that as a mother, it’s still possible for me to create calm and joy in the home. And I’m trying to figure out how.

amother

Saddlebrown

Fri, May 28 2021, 11:16 am

Same following....

amother

Copper

Fri, May 28 2021, 11:17 am

Read playful parenting.
Make the home Into a preschool. Get rid of stuff that isn't age appropriate that they can break.

amother

Fri, May 28 2021, 11:27 am

amother [ Copper ] wrote:

Get rid of stuff that isn't age appropriate that they can break.

Like walls and doors?

amother

Ivory

Fri, May 28 2021, 1:37 pm

Following too! 8 boys here...

amother

Burntblack

Tue, Jan 31 2023, 3:20 pm

If you are joyful they will pick up on that. Also learning coping techniques for when it’s so chaotic. Try separating them for example- you go in the bath, you sit down and do homework, you read a book on the couch, etc.

amother

Burntblack

Tue, Jan 31 2023, 3:31 pm

Also how old are they? And how close in age?
When my kids were very young it was nuts!! It’s still is but in a different way and the older kids have calmed down..

amother

Chartreuse

Tue, Jan 31 2023, 4:05 pm

Chaos is completely normal in a household full of young, energetic children. Some people can function despite chaos, some never notice it, and some claim to thrive on it, though I'm skeptical about that. But for many others, maybe even most people, chaos is distracting, disturbing, deafening and a nightmare. Noise is known to increase blood pressure; interfere with communication, concentration and cognitive tasks; cause permanent hearing loss and even lead to depression. For someone who is chaos-averse, living with young children is an exercise in endurance. It's very hard to "find happiness within" when you're being bombarded with shrieks, howls, crashes, wails, whines, and random missiles speeding through the air.

I wish I could tell you some tricks that would magically calm your kids down. What helped me, marginally, was to think ahead twenty years to a house that's occupied by just dh and me. Blessed silence, blessed tidiness and order and cleanliness--and great loneliness. You can't imagine it now but one day in the far future you'll miss the life and energy that fills your home now, though not the balagan. BTW there's a difference between calm and joy, and they don't necessarily go together. There's a certain joy that comes from activity. It took me forever to learn that when my boys were wrestling with each other like snarling bears, they weren't necessarily at war. Sometimes they were just being boys delighting in being physical.

Sometimes I would put earplugs in my ears and noise-absorbing earmuffs over them to deaden the sound. I figured if someone got really hurt, they wouldn't just scream--someone would come running to get me. Sometimes I would go into my room or the bathroom and shut the door. But what ultimately did the trick was time, and the fact that kids eventually grow up.

amother

Butterscotch

Tue, Jan 31 2023, 4:07 pm

Following

#BestBubby

Tue, Jan 31 2023, 4:09 pm

Try to let your kids play outside as much as possible.

Put in a climbing wall, chin up bar, monkey bar (horizontal ladder), if possible.

Get extra soft pillows for pillow fights.

amother

Burntblack

Tue, Jan 31 2023, 4:33 pm

Playing outside only works if you live somewhere warm enough. Mothers helpers are good ideas. Anything with a technical setup!

#BestBubby

Tue, Jan 31 2023, 4:35 pm

It doesn't need to be warm to play outside if you have warm outerwear.

Kids in Canada play outside plenty.

amother

Gladiolus

Tue, Jan 31 2023, 4:40 pm

Build a childproof basement if u can and send them all down for a few hours daily. Also outdoor time like someone else mentioned. Sports , running , skiing, swimming, whatever you can do!

amother

Mayflower

Tue, Jan 31 2023, 6:17 pm

amother OP wrote:

How old are they?
Do you have any organizational systems to keep chaos at bay?

It mostly depends on a) your reaction to chaos and b) your sholom bayis. Ideally.

amother

Amaryllis

Tue, Jan 31 2023, 6:25 pm

your post isso validating!
my three boys are now mostly teens but when they were little it was CHAOS! and I consider myself a put together type of person....
I got babysitters to come in the afternoon and I was in survival mode for a long time!

DreamerForever

Tue, Jan 31 2023, 6:30 pm

Are you generally an upbeat person? Are you comfortable in your own skin, and honest and open with your emotions to yourself and with your husband and kids? Do you give yourself what you need to be happy and nurturing?

These are often what makes for a happy home-- even if there is mess, chaos and fighting.

Last edited by DreamerForever on Tue, Jan 31 2023, 8:52 pm; edited 1 time in total

NechaMom

Tue, Jan 31 2023, 6:58 pm

amother Burntblack wrote:

I’m confused. This post is 2 years old. What makes someone bump and reply on a 2 year old thread as if OP just asked the question?

NechaMom

Tue, Jan 31 2023, 7:00 pm

amother Burntblack wrote:

Also how old are they? And how close in age?
When my kids were very young it was nuts!! It’s still is but in a different way and the older kids have calmed down..

They’re 2 years older than when she posted. Maybe another baby joined the chaos. Perhaps we’ll get an update.

DreamerForever

Tue, Jan 31 2023, 7:04 pm

NechaMom wrote:

I’m confused. This post is 2 years old. What makes someone bump and reply on a 2 year old thread as if OP just asked the question?

Was thinking the same here.

I think it's because sometimes when you read a thread; you get different threads with similar wording-- coming up below as you scroll to the end... So you click on it, and respond without realising it's old