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Off the derech child influence on the family



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amother
OP


 

Post Sun, Feb 05 2023, 6:07 pm
How do you deal with the otd child keeping them at home but not letting them destroy it 🤔
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amother
DarkOrange


 

Post Sun, Feb 05 2023, 6:12 pm
Trying to figure out the same…
But I do know that my other children look down at the otd kid and do not have any admiration at all.. still as a parent we just want to protect our innocent children. It’s very hard and painful.
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amother
Lightcoral


 

Post Sun, Feb 05 2023, 6:17 pm
Kesher nafshi- amazing organization to help with these types of scenarios
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amother
Peachpuff


 

Post Sun, Feb 05 2023, 6:21 pm
amother Lightcoral wrote:
Kesher nafshi- amazing organization to help with these types of scenarios


Kesher nafshi is an amazing resource. If you're in Lakewood you can contact Nesivos, they're also amazing.
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amother
Moonstone


 

Post Sun, Feb 05 2023, 6:50 pm
Show lots and lots of love to your otd kid.
Ask him to not do things that you don't approve of in front of younger kids. Let him/her have private room.
Go on YouTube and check out twisted parenting/avi fishoff. You don't have to approve of his methods. I personally gained tremendous chizzuk from watching it. (He has whatsapp group)
And also show lots of love(even when they drive you totally nuts!!)! Can't stress it enough!
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amother
Petunia


 

Post Sun, Feb 05 2023, 6:51 pm
amother Lightcoral wrote:
Kesher nafshi- amazing organization to help with these types of scenarios



This this this I can’t say it enough!!!
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amother
OP


 

Post Sun, Feb 05 2023, 7:02 pm
We're showing lots of love its really hard on our younger ones ... hopefully beH we'll get the right help fir the otd one we love all and will continue to regardless but it's concerning to see the younger ones watching child behavior especially on shabbos oy oy noone should know of it
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aimhabanim




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Feb 05 2023, 8:14 pm
I’m so sorry for your pain and the pain so many of us have in this. Know that you are very much not alone
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amother
Caramel


 

Post Sun, Feb 05 2023, 8:31 pm
Love them. And I think a big goal is to just show respect to them and encourage and outwardly appreciate when they respect your home.
If they don’t want to wear a kippa you can offer it saying it’s just respectful to the house or can ask if they could at least wear baseball cap around.

Never make them feel rejected. Clearly something or someone already did that

Btw I married the otd one when he was otd. Now he learns daily and is slowly but surely becoming more like where he came from. He was always respectful and was never made to feel like a disappointment. He just had his own journey.

Why did I get hugs?
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amother
DarkOrange


 

Post Sun, Feb 05 2023, 9:02 pm
Op, you are unfortunately not alone …
One of the things that pains me when I look at my son who has no interest in davening and wearing his tefillin anymore is how just a few years ago he couldn’t wait to put on his tefillin so he can wear his hat and jacket. He begged us if he can start early because he was one of the younger ones in his class… it was so hard for him to wait. How I wish we were still there. Why did I complain about all the white shirts in the laundry?? I’d do anything to get them back. Now I wash jeans and hoodies, tank tops and shorts… it’s my ben Torah we’re talking about… the one who washed mayim acharonim before he benched every day… the boy who said the entire krias shema from his siddur each night. Now he goes to sleep with his smartphone at his side.. his mind filled with inappropriate images from the movies he watches and the music he listens to….
I tell Hashem I’m not giving up. Even though all my tefillos are not being answered, I won’t give up. He has potential to be someone great. I won’t accept a depressed, angry young man who does nothing significant with his days. I hope he comes back. I hope all the confused and hurting children will come back… please Hashem… Teary Eyed
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amother
RosePink


 

Post Sun, Feb 05 2023, 9:10 pm
very important to spend quality time with all your children but especially the OTD one. Having a close relationship with family and parents (the type where they can come and seek guidance and have discussions no matter what) will help keep him or her away from dangerous influences and back to you. As another poster said, everyone has their own journey. Your other kids will see the love. That is what it's all about.

Somebody called my DS "OTD" once and I thought it was so weird because he doesn't even know my son. Of course, I knew what they were implying but my son is OHD (on his derech) not OTD.
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amother
Petunia


 

Post Sun, Feb 05 2023, 9:13 pm
Kesher nafshi will guide you how to deal with the kids at home but keeping a relationship with the OTD and keeping him home. They are amazing.
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amother
Pumpkin


 

Post Sun, Feb 05 2023, 9:15 pm
Honestly we were way more negatively affected by my parents attitude towards my brother than any outside influences he brought in. We all felt protective of him because he was always getting punished.
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amother
Ballota


 

Post Sun, Feb 05 2023, 9:19 pm
amother DarkOrange wrote:
Op, you are unfortunately not alone …
One of the things that pains me when people I look at my son who has no interest in davening and wearing his tefillin anymore is how just a few years ago he couldn’t wait to put on his tefillin so he can wear his hat and jacket. He begged us if he can start early because he was one of the younger ones in his class… it was so hard for him to wait. How I wish we were still there. Why did I complain about all the white shirts in the laundry?? I’d do anything to get them back. Now I wash jeans and hoodies, tank tops and shorts… it’s my ben Torah we’re talking about… the one who washed mayim acharonim before he benched every day… the boy who said the entire krias shema from his siddur each night. Now he goes to sleep with his smartphone at his side.. his mind filled with inappropriate images from the movies he watches all night….
I tell Hashem I’m not giving up. Even though all my tefillos are not being answered. I won’t give up. He has potential to be someone great. I won’t accept a depressed, angry young man who does nothing significant with his days. I hope he comes back. I hope all the confused and hurting children will come back… please Hashem… Teary Eyed


You just made me cry! I want to hug you so tight!

But I also want you to know that even though it feels like your tefillos aren't being answered, there's nothing like mothers tears!
So keep davening and crying, he hears you!! No tefilla goes unheard!!

And show him love even when it's hard!! You can bring him back with love!! He needs it desperately from you!!

Davening for you!
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amother
RosePink


 

Post Sun, Feb 05 2023, 10:07 pm
amother Pumpkin wrote:
Honestly we were way more negatively affected by my parents attitude towards my brother than any outside influences he brought in. We all felt protective of him because he was always getting punished.


Kids can definitely get the picture that love is conditional by watching what their siblings go through and how the parents handle it.
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