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Child being inappropriate-only with me
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WhatFor




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Feb 05 2023, 8:53 pm
amother Goldenrod wrote:
can you at least tell him to put on his underwear,l while you wait outside, then come in and keep him company/help him with the other stuff?


I wouldn't recommend that personally because he needs to learn how to dress with his mother's handholding. It sounds like this is actually about spending time with his mother so OP can separate the two things.

She can give him a heads up that given his age, it's no longer appropriate for her to be helping with him (encouraging him that she believes in him and knows he can do it) and letting him know a specific other time they'll now spend time together, or telling him that the quicker he finishes getting dressed, the more time he'll have to spend with her before he goes to school. Or she can ask him what other solutions he has (which don't include her supervising his dressing in the morning).
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amother
OP


 

Post Sun, Feb 05 2023, 8:54 pm
amother Goldenrod wrote:
can you at least tell him to put on his underwear,l while you wait outside, then come in and keep him company/help him with the other stuff?


Yes, going to start that tomorrow.
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amother
OP


 

Post Sun, Feb 05 2023, 8:56 pm
WhatFor wrote:
I wouldn't recommend that personally because he needs to learn how to dress with his mother's handholding. It sounds like this is actually about spending time with his mother so OP can separate the two things.

She can give him a heads up that given his age, it's no longer appropriate for her to be helping with him (encouraging him that she believes in him and knows he can do it) and letting him know a specific other time they'll now spend time together, or telling him that the quicker he finishes getting dressed, the more time he'll have to spend with her before he goes to school. Or she can ask him what other solutions he has (which don't include her supervising his dressing in the morning).


You're 100 percent right but it's a battle I don't have the strength to fight right now. As it is school is a real struggle for him. He's not happy to go to school and it's just very difficult in general.
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amother
Azure


 

Post Sun, Feb 05 2023, 9:03 pm
amother OP wrote:
You're 100 percent right but it's a battle I don't have the strength to fight right now. As it is school is a real struggle for him. He's not happy to go to school and it's just very difficult in general.


It won’t be a battle if you present it the right way- that’s you’re super excited for this and trust him. Deep inside he wants this. He doesn’t like feeling babyied and incompetent.

If you feel confident that you’re giving him a gift he will feel that from you. If you’re ambiguous or scared he’ll also pick that up- and question why you can’t trust him. You’re giving him bad messages unconsciously that he’s incompetent. Rather, tell him you’ve thought about it and you know he can do this and you’re so proud of him. Inside he will appreciate it. It will help him on so many ways to act age appropriate.
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WhatFor




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Feb 05 2023, 9:13 pm
amother Azure wrote:
It won’t be a battle if you present it the right way- that’s you’re super excited for this and trust him. Deep inside he wants this. He doesn’t like feeling babyied and incompetent.

If you feel confident that you’re giving him a gift he will feel that from you. If you’re ambiguous or scared he’ll also pick that up- and question why you can’t trust him. You’re giving him bad messages unconsciously that he’s incompetent. Rather, tell him you’ve thought about it and you know he can do this and you’re so proud of him. Inside he will appreciate it. It will help him on so many ways to act age appropriate.


I agree. OP, are you seeing someone for yourself on how to work with him? One thing I thought of is that if this is related to him being overwhelmed and not knowing which order to get dressed in without you there, you can make a list and hang it on his wall. He pretty soon won't need it. And you don't need to spring this on him in the morning when he needs to go to school. You can discuss it at night, and maybe talk about a treat or something you can have waiting for him in the kitchen if he finishes with enough time to have it before going to school.

Instead of "Not waiting while you get dressed" it can be "we need to spend our time together in a more appropriate setting."
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amother
OP


 

Post Sun, Feb 05 2023, 10:00 pm
amother Azure wrote:
It won’t be a battle if you present it the right way- that’s you’re super excited for this and trust him. Deep inside he wants this. He doesn’t like feeling babyied and incompetent.

If you feel confident that you’re giving him a gift he will feel that from you. If you’re ambiguous or scared he’ll also pick that up- and question why you can’t trust him. You’re giving him bad messages unconsciously that he’s incompetent. Rather, tell him you’ve thought about it and you know he can do this and you’re so proud of him. Inside he will appreciate it. It will help him on so many ways to act age appropriate.


Nah. He's not 6. He knows what he wants.
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amother
Feverfew


 

Post Sun, Feb 05 2023, 10:07 pm
First of all, bh he doesn't do it in front of others.

My adhd son needs some extra help getting dressed if I want him to look like a mench.
I prepare his clothing (he's still younger), close the door, and tell him that he can come out when he's dressed. Then when he comes out I help him tuck himself in, close his pants button or roll up his sleeves....
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amother
Maroon


 

Post Sun, Feb 05 2023, 10:07 pm
Hugs! Hugs! Hugs!

That's really all I wanted to say. Very few people know how draining and stressful such a child has on your energy and mental health. Please treat yourself. You deserve it!
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amother
OP


 

Post Sun, Feb 05 2023, 10:39 pm
amother Maroon wrote:
Hugs! Hugs! Hugs!

That's really all I wanted to say. Very few people know how draining and stressful such a child has on your energy and mental health. Please treat yourself. You deserve it!


Thank you so much!
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amother
Cyclamen


 

Post Sun, Feb 05 2023, 10:53 pm
amother OP wrote:
He has ADHD, is sensory and has anxiety. Not a well regulated child.


Children with adhd are often emotionally delayed. I'm not saying the behavior is appropriate but behaviorally it may be helpful to think of him as a couple of years younger in that sense. It also sounds like poor impulse control. Children with adhd work hard all the time to hold themselves together and temper their behaviors outside the house or with others that when they are finally in their safe place/person they let their guard down because noone can hold it up always.
It's an educating moment, stay calm about it and keep educating and growth will come
Give yourself credit for all you juggle and do and all he does appropriately too. Raising neurodivergent children is very draining and takes a lot lot more than neurotypicals. You sound like a great mom who works hard to help her child and is reaching out for help with the next bump in the road.
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amother
Pumpkin


 

Post Sun, Feb 05 2023, 11:18 pm
Is he a youngest?
Many youngest's take much longer to learn to be completely independent
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amother
Almond


 

Post Mon, Feb 06 2023, 12:03 am
I send my 4 yr old into the bathroom to put on his underwear, undershirt and pants. Then he comes out and I help him finish up.
Your son is not automatically feeling the need for privacy like most kids do because of the ADHD. So you need to show him.
I do think though, that you should poke around a bit and find out where he got the swiping idea from. I'd be willing to bet that he didn't think of it on his own and someone is at the very least making inappropriate jokes in front of him.
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