The reasons I don't enjoy Purim are logistical

amother

Sun, Feb 05 2023, 10:15 pm

amother Blue wrote:

My Purim looks nothing like yours, but one thing I've found that helped me have a calmer day is to wake up super early.
By the time the kids wake up, I am dressed, already davened, ate breakfast, and ready to go to shul for megillah.

Starting my day earlier has made such a difference!

Most posters mentioned this, so I guess I'll have to begin incorporating an early wake up time no matter how tired I am.

amother

Yellow

Sun, Feb 05 2023, 11:43 pm

Agreed about the early. Yes, you'll be tired. But you'll be in shul having your own time, for yourself. Go ten minutes before the reading and daven shemoneh esrei.

For the night, is there a leining that's later than you've been going? Then you could stay through your whole meal first. Or re-orchestrate the meal so all the things you love are while you're there, and then maybe dh does some sort of learning game with your boys while you're gone. If there are multiple courses, change that- serve it all at once if it saves time. You can do stations if that helps. It will feel luxurious, something different for Purim.

amother

Chestnut

Mon, Feb 06 2023, 12:11 am

Night: if I have a young baby, I stay home from shul when everyone goes, and later one of my sons reads megillah for me after we have eaten the break fast seuda. (20 minutes.) In the meantime DH bathes and puts the littles to bed.
Then we clean the lr/dr and entrance to our home. The MM are done earlier in the day and don't need much more. We end up going to sleep late.
Day: DH and boys go to an early minyan. I typically wake about 7 AM exhausted and make sure my younger ones are dressed, washed, breakfasted, and davened. I try to daven too because it's my bday.
9 AM my son will read megilla for us and whoever else needs to hear (neighbor, friend, etc).
9:20 I put out bagels, spreads, veggies, fruit, juice, and water. And I make sure everyone eats.
9:30 AM- 2:00 PM we are home for those who come to us and I am busy cooking for the seuda. Around lunchtime I make sure again that everyone has eaten something substantial.
Each of my children gets a large grocery cardboard box to store the MM he gives and receives. They love to go through it and count, how many soda cans, how many chocolate bars... it's their own treasure box.
2:00 DH takes the younger ones to teachers and friends to give MM while I stay home, clean up the mess once again, and prepare a fresh table for our 5:30 pm meal. I am also answering the door, and present for my older children who are in and out constantly, heating up food, and welcoming guests. DH and littles return home and then we start our meal for about an hour or so. Some of my older ones have parties to go to, I relax with my little ones, bathing them and giving them a normal bedtime routine. Once they're in bed I turn on a nice inspiring video shiur. Eventually my older ones come home and we talk about the day till late at night.

That's my Purim! I guess it sounds a little boring. But for us it's a wonderful day.

essie14

Mon, Feb 06 2023, 1:10 am

amother Burlywood wrote:

I was actually trying to validate you.

Eta it doesn’t matter what my Purim looks like. My minhag is 1 seudah. I never heard of 3 seudahs but that doesn’t help you

I give literally 6 MM. literally. I don’t view MM as a source of social obligation or popularity contest. I don’t go to teachers. My husband davens at 6am. Breakfast is same as any other morning: cereal, fruit or yogurt

None of this is helpful to you IMO. I want you to know that if I had your minhagim is find it difficult too

This is what my Purim looks like as well.
All teachers and rebbeim get MM in school the day before. No deliveries to those people on Purim day.
DH and I only give to neighbors that we can walk to.
Each kid picks a few friends and we make a driving plan. No one too far away. The kids also give some in school before Purim if the friend lives too far.
I never heard of more than 1 seuda.
We eat a regular supper after megilla at night. It takes 20 min.
Regular breakfast in the morning. Whatever they normally eat.
DH davens as early as possible so I can go hear megilla later.
I try to get everyone to sit down for some sort of healthy lunch. It also takes just a few min. And it's not necessarily everyone eating at the same time. Usually DH has taken a kid or 2 out and I'll serve the rest lunch and then we alternate an hour later.

No one comes into the house, unless we are hosting the seuda. People ring the bell and drop off MM and that's it.
No family to visit.

OP, your day sounds exhausting and I'm sorry it's so difficult for you.

Roots

Mon, Feb 06 2023, 1:44 am

ok so I LOVE purim
but ill tell you how is different by me:
I go to the neitz minyan's megilla reading- which means if they start at neitz, then the megilla reading is 7.30 or 8 am which is ok. I wake up early to daven while everyone is still asleep from purim night's frivolities and then 'sneak out' to shul
now that my oldest dd is 10 she can hear the baby if baby wakes up
(dh goes to shul whenever he wants either nietz or regular) and the kids put on purim music and costumes and check out the shalach monos we got at night till im back
shalach monos for teachers and rebbeim were all sent already on taanis esther to their schools (the boys get money usually and nice card and the morahs get either a good chocolate and a nice card (so thats all taken care of in advance!!)
that leaves purim day for neightbors walking distance only (I live in israel people live closer by)
we try to give everyone in the building- all the non religious people because it increases ahavas yisroel and then the regulars- close friends, my aunt and dh's rosh yeshiva
by 1 we are ususally after everything and we drive an hour to my in laws and spend the seuda there (boring but kibud horim so necessary-boring as in most of the attendees are not frum so they sit talking politics etc)

amother

Turquoise

Mon, Feb 06 2023, 6:11 am

amother Yellow wrote:

For me personally that wouldn’t work. I’m a miserable creature when tired 😬 and there would be no time to catch up on rest.

My husband or father lein Megillah for me and that’s the biggest difference. We’re iyh buying a Megillah this year so my husband can have his own. It’s nicer in shul but calmer during baby and toddler years to have the option at home.

amother

Mon, Feb 06 2023, 7:48 am

amother Chestnut wrote:

It actually sounds lovely! It wouldn't work for us to leave the house to go to teachers at 2 pm, so that throws off the whole day for us, but I'm glad you get to a enjoy a fun but mostly calm day.

amother

Mon, Feb 06 2023, 7:52 am

amother Turquoise wrote:

Ha! I was actually planning to surprise Dh wih his own megilla this year and now, thanks to your post, for the first time I'm realizing I'll also have some benefits from it! Even though dh doesn't know how to read, it'll still be easier than me going out.

amother

Lilac

Mon, Feb 06 2023, 8:12 am

Purim is my favorite yontif of all. I know sounds shocking. It is the best day of the year for davening.
I don’t do fancy shalach manos or themes, or crazy seudos. I don’t serve my kids any fancy breakfast.
All teachers and rebbe shalach manos are earlier than Purim (I’m in Israel). We give mainly neighbors who are around our area so my kids can walk them over.
I get up and daven while dh is in shul with ds. When they get home I go to megilla with my dds. When I get back, he takes kids on one drive around the neighborhood to give their best friends, and I give kids who come to our door. It takes them about an hour. I’ll also throw a few of our shalach manos in the car with them to give our friends if possible, but really just a few.
At that point I will shut myself in a room even if it’s only for ten minutes…, sometimes more… and daven! This is the best part of the day! A real opportunity and I love it.
After that it starts getting a little chaotic… in laws sometimes come visit and lots of groups of yeshiva boys come to dance sing and collect. If I have a veg soup I will heat that up and we have light lunch nothing formal. My dh will go to mincha then.
Then seuda either by me or by friends. If by me I set up Purim night. That’s it.
You need to cut down on visits and tasks. Purim should be something to look forward to and not to dread. The mitzvos of the day are the goal, not all the visits and shalach manos lists.

little neshamala

Mon, Feb 06 2023, 8:30 am

OP im another one who loves Purim BH and I honestly think its becaise we got the logistics figured out, so I'll share what we do too. (We live in monsey ny-so theres LOTS of traffic in certain neighborhoods, and we've got young kids..)

-DH and I go to megila in the morning back to back. One of us goes to vesikin one, the other to the one right after.
-the Parent that went to vesikin is in charge of getting the kids fed, with regular breakfast, while the other is in the 2nd leining. We have a special purim nosh the kids can eat as soon as breakfast is over to encourage them to eat faster lol.
-when the other parent comes back from 2nd leining, we start prepping the car-bring shaloch manos, as well as hearty lunches for the kids that were made on taanis esther (usually deli sandwiches or something filling that they like and will eat easily in the car whenever theyre hungry. Mezonos rolls etc).
-We also bring lots of snacks that they like-such as cookies and muffins. (I set all these aside on taanis esther)The key here is to keep bellies full. I can't stress how important this is. I also bring iced coffees for us parents (that I made on taanis esther). We bring our route list, a pen, a garbage bag, paper towels and wipes-all proven essentials.
-we head out by 10:30. This is critical. We go straight to the few essential people that live in the trafic-y neighborhoods, quickly deliver, with the goal of being out of the bad neighborhoods by 11:30. Then we relaxedly deliver all our other ones in the non crazy neighborhoods.
-we never deliver to morahs and rebbeim on purim itself unless by some coincidence, we happen to be passing their house anyways, at a time that theyre home. This eliminates so much stress.
-we never travel outside of monsey
-we decorate our car before purim and bring lots of fun music that we play loud with the windows down and get the kids hyper and happy. So much fun.
-around 1-2 pm we arrive back home (you can do it earlier-we give out average 45 mishloach manos) amd chill out at home, receiving MM, the kids play with their purim shtick outside etc

So basically our most important things are, prep every single thing before purim, even the little things. Get up super early, head out early, beat the traffic. Keep all bellies full of filling food that was prepped in advance. Get back home early enough on purim to just chill in our house and enjoy.

DrMom

Mon, Feb 06 2023, 8:48 am

IMO, you need to be willing to scale back on the numbers of activities, or the elaborateness of each activity.

We don't have a night seudah, but we have a simple meal to break the fast. If you can make your meal simpler, that will help. Serve on (nice) paper plates to make clean-up fast.

MM: Make a set number, and make them simpler. Tell each kid he gets to send to X friends (X can be 3 or 5 or 10 or whatever you can handle). Make something simple: Fruit, candy, etc.

Streamlining Megillah reading schedule: Can you hire a babysitter for evening megillah reading so you can go tot the main megillah reading instead of the women's reading?

Breakfast: Nothing elaborate or special.