Simchas chasan v'kallah

mfb

Mon, Feb 06 2023, 4:39 pm

When I go for simchas chosson vkallah it’s because I want to say mazal tov but I’m not close enough to go for the meal.
An example would be if one of my sister in laws siblings is marrying off a child so I know them but not going for the meal I’ll go some time during dancing.

keym

Mon, Feb 06 2023, 4:44 pm

In my world, family and closer friends are invited to the dinner.
Everyone else is invited for Simchas chassan Vkalla, which is the second dance and a dessert buffet.
If I receive a response card with my invitation, I know I'm invited to the dinner.
If I only receive the invitation, that means that I am invited to come either for the kabbalas panim/chuppa or Simchas chassan Vkalla and I would decide which one to go to depending on practicality.

Usually, those who come to kaballas panim/chuppa are older (those who find 10pm too late) or those who are bringing young children.

keym

Mon, Feb 06 2023, 4:46 pm

I will add that I live in a development in Lakewood with around 50 families. It's small and homey, and we are pretty close with each other (bungalow style).
However, inviting all of the neighbors for the meal would be a huge expense- another 50 couples.
So we invite each other for Simchas chassan Vkalla to dance for an hour, and we invite for the meal the 2 or 3 closest neighbors

amother

Mon, Feb 06 2023, 5:02 pm

Thank you for these detailed replies, that is very helpful. Do people get insulted if they're only invited for that and not for the dinner? And then are there seats for them or they just sort of stand around and eat?

keym

Mon, Feb 06 2023, 5:16 pm

Um sure there are people who get insulted, but there's not much to do about it.
It's not that most people are sitting and eating and some people are standing.
During the dancing, the waiters clear the main course and put out a table with desserts or some cholent and kugel. Guests can take and find a table to sit and eat for a minute, because most of the guests are dancing or standing around chatting.

To explain, I was raised in an OOT community where the wedding halls are mostly 30-45 minute drive away from the frum residential neighborhoods. It would be considered rude to expect anyone to come drag themselves out of their house for 2 hours minimum without serving them a proper meal. So it's not done.
In Lakewood, Brooklyn,Monsey, where the halls are near the residential neighborhoods, and there's very little traffic at night, it's an 8 minute drive to the wedding halls.
I can go, wish mazel Tov, dance a bit, chat a bit and be out of my house for 45 minutes to an hour. For that amount of time, I don't expect a meal.
Additionally, I can have several weddings, vorts, and bar mitzvahs a night that I'll stop by but I wouldn't want to have someone pay for a meal because I can't stay for 2 hours.
(Last night, I had a neighbor's wedding, a coworkers bar mitzvah and a cousins vort. Each one I stopped by for 10 minutes)