Responding to Subtext on Imamother

Wolfsbane

Sun, Feb 05 2023, 10:47 am

Sometimes, when I respond to an OP, I find myself replying, not to the substance of OP's question, but to the subtext.

The problem here is twofold:
1. Subtext is...well...subtext. It's all based on my perception; I'm probably making a lot of assumptions. In all honesty, they're probably wrong.

2. Even if I'm right, it's probably not actually helpful to OP. She probably already knows it, and hearing advice from an anonymous internet woman isn't all that helpful. And if she doesn't know, she's not going to change her mind because of aforementioned anonymous internet woman.

So, why do I do this? And how do I break the habit?

NechaMom

Sun, Feb 05 2023, 10:52 am

Wolfsbane wrote:

Op is posting to hear your opinion.
1- what’s wrong with replying to subtext. She’s literally asking for your perspective! If this is the way you see things then it gives her food for thought. If you’re on target it may be very helpful. If you’re completely off she will probably let you know but you were still trying to help. Hopefully that can be appreciated.
2- why are you sure your perspective is not helpful? It’s exactly what she asked for.

Kiwi13

Sun, Feb 05 2023, 10:56 am

If your reply is in line with the thread, that’s fine in my opinion. If it’s a judgement call or mussar shmooze, maybe think twice.

Not sure what you’re referring to or how you’re going about posting, so it’s hard to answer here. If you’re posting impulsively, maybe make a five minute rule before answering anything at all. Go to other threads and circle back. Would that work?

NechaMom

Sun, Feb 05 2023, 10:58 am

Kiwi13 wrote:

Well said.
This also applies if you’re answering to the question directly.

Wolfsbane

Mon, Feb 06 2023, 3:27 pm

Thanks for your replies. All good points - I think it's less an impulsivity thing, and more that I'm trying to be too clever (getting to what I perceive to be the root of OP's problem) - but in a way that in retrospect is not really helpful.

amother

Ginger

Mon, Feb 06 2023, 5:25 pm

NechaMom wrote:

People should realize sometimes their opinion is wrong and sometimes no one wants to hear it.
Really.

amother

Ginger

Mon, Feb 06 2023, 5:27 pm

Wolfsbane wrote:

It’s astute and self aware of you to realize you may have made assumptions. We probably all do.
What irks me here is some people in particular give advice on every single thread, sounding like they think they’re so smart and don’t realize they come off really immature, young and with not great advice.

It’s embarrassing and cringeworthy.

amother

Ginger

Mon, Feb 06 2023, 5:29 pm

NechaMom wrote:

Not everyone gives advice to be helpful if they’re honest with themselves.

Some people actually admitted here that they like to give advice (usually people with low self esteem because it makes them feel better about themselves) so they’re not really doing it to be helpful, they’re doing it to fill their own inner need of feeling like they’re smart or that anyone would want to hear their advice (which lots of times isn’t helpful or smart).