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Forum -> Inquiries & Offers -> Lakewood, Toms River & Jackson related Inquiries
Can I make a bar mitzvah for under 25 k from a to z
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amother
OP


 

Post Mon, Feb 06 2023, 8:23 pm
Without being cheap?
Hat
Possibly tefillin
Clothing for 6 ppl
Nighttime event for let’s say 100 ppl or less. Not the cheapest possible but not expensive.
Shabbos kiddush (cholent kugel cake) + 3 catered meals for family (35ppl)
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amother
Bisque


 

Post Mon, Feb 06 2023, 8:33 pm
amother OP wrote:
Without being cheap?
Hat
Possibly tefillin
Clothing for 6 ppl
Nighttime event for let’s say 100 ppl or less. Not the cheapest possible but not expensive.
Shabbos kiddush (cholent kugel cake) + 3 catered meals for family (35ppl)

I made for even less in 2022. Baltimore. (ETA I did not realize this was in the Lakewood section, so I replied, sorry!)

Tfillin
2 hats for my son
1 hat for my husband
Bekeshe for my son
Bekeshe for husband
New outfit x2 for daughter
Shabbos clothing and shoes for other son
1 dress for me

Seuda at knish shop for the bo ba yom for 70 classmates/family/friends (Baltimore ladies know what that is).
One man band
Photographer
40 benchers

Shabbos kiddish at shul for 200 with fruit, 5 kinds of salads, cake, 2 kinds of kugel, drinks (no alcohol)

Donuts for school.

I cooked and hosted shabbos dinner for 25 at my house.
I cooked and hosted shabbos lunch for 35 at my house.

Total was between $6-7k.
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amother
Ultramarine


 

Post Mon, Feb 06 2023, 8:38 pm
My parents are making a Bar Mitzvah soon, the total is under $5K, including clothing & teffillin.
No invitations
No photographer
No music
No flowers
No ordering sweet table, everything homemade
No professional make-up
25 couples for the meal, the rest for dessert only.
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keym




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Feb 06 2023, 9:01 pm
I made a bar mitzvah a year and a half ago for just under 13k

Tefillin 1800
2 hats, suit, jacket 1k
Clothing for everyone else 1500 (my husband didn't get a new hat, I didn't get a new Shaitel)
Bo Bayom for 100 people, standard menu, no add-ons 3500.
Photographer for 1 hour before event, one-man band, invitations, hair, makeup 1500
Men's kiddush in shul, women's kiddush at home (I made salad, cut the fruit myself, some fancy home-made stuff, simple store bought, kugel, no herring, no cholent, no alcohol) 1500
I did the cooking for 45 people for Shabbos for 1000. Catered, you can shop around for cheap caterer and do a basic for 2k-2500.
School event $350.
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amother
Melon


 

Post Mon, Feb 06 2023, 10:17 pm
I made a bar mitzvah within the past year OOT very frugally

Tefillin 2200+Bag approx 120
2 hats, suit, shabbos shoes, 3-4 dress pants, coat, (had shirts) approx 850. Whoa. That's nuts.
Clothing for everyone else 250 (my husband didn't get a new hat, I didn't get a new Shaitel, kids got regular shabbos clothes for the new season, so I'm not counting it. Only counting my outfit plus alterations)
Bo Bayom for 75 people, mostly boys, food approx 500 but friends made some of menu supplementing
Tablecloth gemach abt 70 (for shabbos seudos and bo bayom)
One-man band, invitations mailed without stamps 570
Kiddush in shul abt 500 (cholent and cake)
30 people for Shabbos, mostly friends made the food. Not catered at all.
Hostess and guest gifts approx 100

Total
Approx 5200

That was with lots of friends pitching in to help
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amother
OP


 

Post Tue, Feb 07 2023, 8:14 am
Bump
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amother
Aquamarine


 

Post Tue, Feb 07 2023, 8:18 am
The answer is yes. You just need to shop around . And be conscious about your choices. You do not need fresh flowerss or the meat on the menus.or any bars etc....
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happyone




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Feb 07 2023, 8:20 am
Yes, yes and yes. It's a choice.
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amother
OP


 

Post Tue, Feb 07 2023, 8:40 am
amother Aquamarine wrote:
The answer is yes. You just need to shop around . And be conscious about your choices. You do not need fresh flowerss or the meat on the menus.or any bars etc....


Correct to all three, I’m fine without any of that.
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amother
Bisque


 

Post Tue, Feb 07 2023, 8:46 am
keym wrote:
I made a bar mitzvah a year and a half ago for just under 13k

Tefillin 1800
2 hats, suit, jacket 1k
Clothing for everyone else 1500 (my husband didn't get a new hat, I didn't get a new Shaitel)
Bo Bayom for 100 people, standard menu, no add-ons 3500.
Photographer for 1 hour before event, one-man band, invitations, hair, makeup 1500
Men's kiddush in shul, women's kiddush at home (I made salad, cut the fruit myself, some fancy home-made stuff, simple store bought, kugel, no herring, no cholent, no alcohol) 1500
I did the cooking for 45 people for Shabbos for 1000. Catered, you can shop around for cheap caterer and do a basic for 2k-2500.
School event $350.

I think this is key to making it for less. I didn't rent tables or chairs, we have a table and chair gmach in Baltimore. I didn't rent linens, I used plastic and it was not as fancy but it was beautiful anyway. I spent less than you but I had less people. And I will do the same for my next son. BH I am someone who does not stress out when cooking for a large crowd. My home is very small, 1400 sq. feet, so the space was cramped and squished and we did just fine. Would people have been more comfortable in a hall? Of course! Was everyone fine for the 2.5 hours? Also of course.
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amother
Peony


 

Post Tue, Feb 07 2023, 9:00 am
amother Bisque wrote:
I think this is key to making it for less. I didn't rent tables or chairs, we have a table and chair gmach in Baltimore. I didn't rent linens, I used plastic and it was not as fancy but it was beautiful anyway. I spent less than you but I had less people. And I will do the same for my next son. BH I am someone who does not stress out when cooking for a large crowd. My home is very small, 1400 sq. feet, so the space was cramped and squished and we did just fine. Would people have been more comfortable in a hall? Of course! Was everyone fine for the 2.5 hours? Also of course.


I have a good 5 years until I am making a bar mitzva, I’m just wondering who you left off your guest list. How did you only have 25 people?
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amother
Beige


 

Post Tue, Feb 07 2023, 9:08 am
Yes you can. You can make it for 5-6k easily. You can also make a upsherin for
50k .
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amother
Bisque


 

Post Tue, Feb 07 2023, 9:29 am
amother Peony wrote:
I have a good 5 years until I am making a bar mitzva, I’m just wondering who you left off your guest list. How did you only have 25 people?

No one was left off my list. I’m a BT married to a BT. My mother is gone. No grandparents alive. DH and I each have one sibling, his has a few kids and mine lives overseas so my sibling came without the rest of their family. One aunt came with her husband. None of our cousins came or other aunts/uncles as it seemed weird to them. Same with the bo ba yom - it being on a weeknight seemed weird, as they told me, so they just didn't want to come. Those closest to us are our friends. BH Hashem blessed us with a small group of friends who are like family.

Please don’t assume a small guest list means we left people out. Some people have small families. Others have just crappy families. Not everyone has a huge crowd of friends, a lot of siblings and siblings in law, lots of little cousins, living parents or grandparents, frum family who gets it... There are many other kinds of families out there, not just the ones in the "ideals" frum world.
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keym




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Feb 07 2023, 9:31 am
amother Peony wrote:
I have a good 5 years until I am making a bar mitzva, I’m just wondering who you left off your guest list. How did you only have 25 people?


Im not who you're quoting, but the key here was it was for Shabbos.
We had 45 people for Shabbos (close family) but I did it in my house and low-key.
Borrowed tables and chairs from a gemach. Plastic tablecloths and paper goods.
I cooked all the food.
Like that pp poster said, I'm also a person who doesn't get flustered from hosting large seudos- I've done homemade sheva Brachos and Purim seudos in my house. I keep it nice but basic.

The bo Bayom, I had catered in a hall but only the basic package, absolutely no upgrades
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amother
Cherry


 

Post Tue, Feb 07 2023, 9:38 am
Absolutely yes. You can have a beautiful affair with a photographer and music, all your kids in nice clothing, a nice kiddush etc and you will probably spend around 10k. You can choose to cut back on a lot a save a few thousand dollars too.
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amother
Cognac


 

Post Tue, Feb 07 2023, 10:49 am
amother Bisque wrote:
I think this is key to making it for less. I didn't rent tables or chairs, we have a table and chair gmach in Baltimore. I didn't rent linens, I used plastic and it was not as fancy but it was beautiful anyway. I spent less than you but I had less people. And I will do the same for my next son. BH I am someone who does not stress out when cooking for a large crowd. My home is very small, 1400 sq. feet, so the space was cramped and squished and we did just fine. Would people have been more comfortable in a hall? Of course! Was everyone fine for the 2.5 hours? Also of course.


You do realize that just because you can do something for that price in Baltimore it doesn't answer OPs question. She asked if she can do it for less than 25K in Lakewood. Which is likely possible, but Baltimore pricing won't help her.
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amother
Bisque


 

Post Tue, Feb 07 2023, 10:52 am
amother Cognac wrote:
You do realize that just because you can do something for that price in Baltimore it doesn't answer OPs question. She asked if she can do it for less than 25K in Lakewood. Which is likely possible, but Baltimore pricing won't help her.

You did read in my first post where I clearly said right at the start that I wrote my post before I realized it was in the Lakewood section, right?
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amother
Cognac


 

Post Tue, Feb 07 2023, 11:02 am
amother Bisque wrote:
You did read in my first post where I clearly said right at the start that I wrote my post before I realized it was in the Lakewood section, right?


I wasn't trying to attack you. Yes, I did see that, but then you continued to comment, which is why I replied to your second post, not your first.
Regardless, some of your cost saving measures are circumstantial. If you have friends who cooked for your event, then it doesn't prove that you can make an event for $500 for 75 boys. It proves that you have good friends who were glad to donate their food and labor to your event. If you have a very small family, that doesn't help those with bigger immediate families save money. The tone of your posts make it sound like everyone can do what you did if they try hard enough. Without outside donations there is no way to make a proper meal for 75 boys for $500 anywhere in Lakewood. Even if you cook yourself which would mean you can't use most halls for your event.
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amother
Cognac


 

Post Tue, Feb 07 2023, 11:04 am
amother Cognac wrote:
I wasn't trying to attack you. Yes, I did see that, but then you continued to comment, which is why I replied to your second post, not your first.
Regardless, some of your cost saving measures are circumstantial. If you have friends who cooked for your event, then it doesn't prove that you can make an event for $500 for 75 boys. It proves that you have good friends who were glad to donate their food and labor to your event. If you have a very small family, that doesn't help those with bigger immediate families save money. The tone of your posts make it sound like everyone can do what you did if they try hard enough. Without outside donations there is no way to make a proper meal for 75 boys for $500 anywhere in Lakewood. Even if you cook yourself which would mean you can't use most halls for your event.


Sorry, I mixed up some details with the other poster who quoted her out of town costs. I mixed your two examples together.
Point is the same though since I wasn't talking to you in specific, just mentioning in general that OOT is not going to help Lakewooders.
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amother
OP


 

Post Tue, Feb 07 2023, 11:56 am
Thanks for all who chimed in.

I don’t want to be counting every penny. I want it to be respectable but not wasteful. Yes music yes photographer in a hall that comes with tablecloths chairs and fake flowers.
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